Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help - my world is falling apart

122 replies

tomorrowsanotherday · 23/12/2010 21:33

I have been with DP for nearly 8 years now and we were about to start trying for a baby in a few months time.
I love him to pieces and I thought he felt the same about me.
He is not from this country but has had the right to live here permanently for the last 6 years or so, so no question of him only being with me for that.
My battery on my mobile is dead and I just used his mobile to send a text. Found a message written in his native language that is very sexually explicit.
I am distraught but haven't let on that I have seen it yet.
What do I do?
I suffered from severe depression several years ago and in the last few months it has been rearing its head again.
Twice this week I have come home from work and cried for hours.
This is at the worst possible time.
Please someone talk to me

OP posts:
grumpykat25 · 23/12/2010 21:58

Deep breath.

Confirm your translation.

Contact your mum/sister/brother/best friend and tell them you're going to need their support for a while.

Confront him.

If you're right, then this is not the man for you. There are many others, and one day you will meet another to have a child with. It seems like the biggest, most earth shattering thing in the world, but remember one day soon it will be in the past, and then you will have a new future with someone who deserves you.

Be brave.

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 23/12/2010 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

grumpykat25 · 23/12/2010 21:59

Deep breath.

Confirm your translation.

Contact your mum/sister/brother/best friend and tell them you're going to need their support for a while.

Confront him.

If you're right, then this is not the man for you. There are many others, and one day you will meet another to have a child with. It seems like the biggest, most earth shattering thing in the world, but remember one day soon it will be in the past, and then you will have a new future with someone who deserves you.

Be brave.

Original poster
tomorrowsanotherday · 23/12/2010 21:59

I know what I need to do (confront him and leave) but I just dont know what to do or say. He is the only guy I have ever been with.
I have never been through this before please dont imply I am an idiot I know you are all right but I feel so weak right now

OP posts:
LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 23/12/2010 22:01

Oh, VERY important. Forward the text to your phone before you confront him.. it'd be so easy to be fobbed off by him with a dodgy translation and then he accidentally deletes it....

What language? Can we help?

grumpykat25 · 23/12/2010 22:01

Sorry my post appeared twice Confused
You're not an idiot, you've just had your world picked up and shaken out. But as you say, you know what to do....

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 23/12/2010 22:02

Honey, an Idiot would not be on here, an idiot would just suck it up and ignore/put up with it.

You are on here asking advice, and we will all tell you what we think might help.

No, you are not a fool, not at all.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 23/12/2010 22:04

you have been with him since 16

and depressed since 17

he is the cause of your depression

you will have a remarkable recovery when you dump this bloke

your self esteem will soar, and when you meet a better man you will wonder why you wasted so much time on a liar

please don't get pg on purpose...your relationship is not a healthy one

very selfish to bring a child into that

you have years of childbearing left yet

a baby cannot fix your relationship, and it cannot fix you

Original poster
tomorrowsanotherday · 23/12/2010 22:06

I called the number which is in Belgium.
I showed him the number and asked who it is without letting on about the text.
He said the number is his brother and sis in laws

OP posts:
LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 23/12/2010 22:06

Ah, just seen that she is abroad, so no reason to panic about actual sex yet.

Your P is not off the hook though.

Who sent the text whom?

FakePlasticTrees · 23/12/2010 22:08

24? God, from your "get pregnant then leave him" suggestion I thought you'd be saying you were late 30s and this was your last chance. Most of my married friends aren't married to men they were dating in their early 20s.

Honestly, just because you've been with him for a long time and he's the only man you've been with, is no reason to stay with him. You've spent 8 years with a man who's cheated on you at least once, probably twice, probably more you don't know about.

If you stay with him, you will accept that you are with a man who will regularly cheat on you. Or at least, you will be constaintly worrying he's cheating on you.

Original poster
tomorrowsanotherday · 23/12/2010 22:09

He lived in Belgium before he moved here and brother and his family still live there.
The language is Farsi so I dont know anyone that can help me.

OP posts:
LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 23/12/2010 22:09

Jesus, good call AF!

My depression hit just after I got married, it lifted when I said enough was enough on the dead marriage.

Tomorrows, he's lying. What else has he lied about?

You have donkey's years to meet a proper man and have DC, please don't think time is running out.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 23/12/2010 22:09

get out there and try some other men

seriously

Original poster
tomorrowsanotherday · 23/12/2010 22:10

It is a text he received but part is in the latin alphabet and part is not.
So half of it I do not understand at all

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 23/12/2010 22:12

You're not an idiot! But you do need to make sure you get the facts before acting.

caramelwaffle · 23/12/2010 22:12

You are only twenty four years old.

Get out and date lots of different men (not sex - just dating).

Original poster
tomorrowsanotherday · 23/12/2010 22:13

How can I find out for definite what it means. It doesn't come up in translators because it is slang

OP posts:
LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 23/12/2010 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

TanteAC · 23/12/2010 22:16

You need to ook after yourself OP, and not to panic. Everything will be ok in the ed, even if it is difficult or a little while now.

Forward the text to your own phone (can we help confirm the translation? Is it French?) then take a deep breath and contact someone you are close to, saying you may need some support.

Then go and speak to him. Just say that you know what has been going on and let him do the rest.

PLease don't ask him to explain and give him reason to make up lots of shit that puts it back on you. Be strong and just do it.

And I think you know that really, you are not going to have a baby with someone you can't trust. You are just in shock - no-one thinks you are an idiot at all!

You know what the right thing is - you have just come on here to ask for confirmation and support whilst you do it.

Good luck.

Original poster
tomorrowsanotherday · 23/12/2010 22:16

Please dont talk bad about Iranians. His family are the loveliest people and I doubt they have the foggiest what he is like.
They will be so embarrassed

OP posts:
LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 23/12/2010 22:16

forward the message to your phone. then you have time to decipher it.

blindedbythelights · 23/12/2010 22:16

I am of Indian origin and so have a rudimentary understanding of farsi, try me, pm if more private.

TanteAC · 23/12/2010 22:17

Sorry, xposted re: language

blindedbythelights · 23/12/2010 22:18

btw farsi is of tribal persian origin and is spoken in more countries than just iran.

Swipe left for the next trending thread