husband and porn

[mummyworries]

he keeps looking at porn on the internet, behind my back of course! am i too sensitive when it comes to this as he said that all men do!!!! i hate it makes me feel like shit

sorry to hear this...some women truly believe that all men look at porn, but this really isnt the case..especially not in their home environment. Could you ask him why he is looking at it? how is your relationship otherwise?
what does he say when you ask him not to?

It's not 'behind your back' is it?! He is entitled to look at what he likes without informing you. How did you find out about it?

inside a marriage surely entitlement to look at other people having sex or in sexual poses is something that is agreed upon between a couple...to alot of people this would be tantamount to infidelity, or a least a sign of being unhappy in a relationship

its good, im 33 weeks pregnant and feel like shit! he said i wont do it agian but has said that several times so i told him not to bother telling me that again!! i have been off sex since the start as in the past yr have lost three babys due to miscarriage and two ectopics.so was so frightened that sex would harm the baby! but he has been looking for yrs i think now anyway, but makes me feel even worse! course its behind my back otherwise he wouldnt wait till i go to bed or out he would look whilst im in the room but he knows how i feel about thats why he looks when im not around!! i went onto the computer just after him and there was a 'russian' girls porn site thing at the bottom of the pg and i asked him about it and he said it must have been a pop up!! but u have to be looking at something first for something like that to pop up!! he just didnt notice it .yes course he can look at things without informimg me but if it makes me feel that bad and upset why would u?

OP, you are right in saying that he should respect your feelings about porn and leave it alone. Thankfully, you might not even have to worry about porn affecting your relationship anymore; have you read about the latest government initiative to block porn access at home?

THE UK Government is to combat the early sexualization of children by blocking internet pornography unless parents request it, it was revealed today.

The move is intended to ensure that children are not exposed to sex as a routine by-product of the internet. It follows warnings about the hidden damage being done to children by sex sites.

The biggest broadband providers, including BT, Virgin Media and TalkTalk, are being called to a meeting next month by Ed Vaizey, the communications minister, and will be asked to change how pornography gets into homes.

Source: www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/breaking-news/all-internet-porn-will-be-blocked-to-protect-children-under-uk-government-plan/story-e6freuz9-1225973481287

Ps - Just FYI but your DP/DH could have been telling the truth in this instance because some of the sites that allow you to download or watch films/tv shows are notorious for having these sort of advertisements.

SA

What he's saying in this scenario is that his sexual needs are more important than you or your feelings - does it not occur to him that you are going without sex too? Not on a whim, for very good reason.
Ask him why he needs to look at porn in order to masturbate, the answer is, he doesn't. He could masturbate in bed, beside you/with you helping FFS!

If he genuinely doesn't realise how this is affecting you , sit him down and tell him - he's being unfair, even if he's misguidedly thinking that he's doing you some kind of favour by going off on his own.

I was going to post the same thing. My hubby has always had a thing for porn when ive been out ive come home and found him with the lap top!! We have an 8 week old baby and hes been looking again. Because when i come down stairs to find out if hes coming to bed (after spending an hr trying to put our baby down in his moses) He quickly shuts the laptop and looks very guilty.

Ive spoken to him on numerous times and he says hes entitled to look if he wants.
He says now hes frustrated as we have only had sex once since having my baby.
I'am so tired and it really doesnt put me in the mood thinking bout him looking at other women.
Ive told him it upsets me but he doesnt think its a prob and as soon as i mention it he goes in a mood and says stop nagging me!!!

I'm in abit of a bad place at mo anyway feel very isolated as i have very few friends coz i moved to live with him away from family.

So your not alone hun
xx

My DP did this the other night, he snuck off when we were in bed (I was dozing, breastfeeding our ds).
I had a feeling he had looked at porn so I had a look at his history the next morning which confirmed it.
I felt sick to my stomach, I have no idea why because I know he looks at it, I dont think its that which bothers me, its the fact he snuck off and did it.

I said I would have had sex with him cos I did want to, he didnt realise he thought I was asleep but I didnt talk to him for a whole morning.

My DH erases the history on the comp!!

My DP probably will now!

i wonder if any of the ladies seek their oh permission to use their vibrator.

i would not expect to have to ask my oh to use my vibrator especially if he was the one who didn't want to have sex with me

i think its very sad that your jealous of a man watching a fictional woman he will never meet or sleep with.

i for one am grateful to porn i didn't want to have sex much when i was pregnant and it fended him off for a good few months

VERY SELFISH I DONT WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOUR BUT DONT YOU DARE PLEASURE YOUR SELF

i suggest if your oh are sneaking it then is suggest the real issue is with your trust and honesty with in your marriages my oh never erases his history or denies looking at porn i have

I only need to use my vibrator when DP isnt here, I would never think of using it when he is with me, let alone sneak into another room to use it.

I wouldnt choose a vibrator over having sex with my DP.

This isn't a thread about masturbation. It is a thread about using porn. You are perfectly entitled to say you dislike your partner using porn, whether it is based on a personal dislike of it, political objections, or both.

It is then up to your partner whether he carries on using it, secretly or otherwise. If you've stated your objections and he does this, the choice reverts to you. You either put up with it, turn a blind eye or decide that this is a deal-breaker.

Don't believe all this rubbish about "all men use porn". They do not. Fortunately there are loads of men who also have political objections to porn and are possessed of an imagination and enough sexual skills to manage perfectly well without porn.

Have a think about your self-esteem and how easy you find it, to state your boundaries and expectations, within your relationships. The people with the strongest self-esteem do not find it difficult to ask for what they need and to make decisions if those expectations are not met.

Maypole - that is perhaps the most spectacular missing the point comment I've ever seen, not to mention ignorant and downright unpleasant.

A man masturbating is healthy and understandable when his wife is ill/ pregnant/just given birth, using porn when he knows it is deeply upsetting to his partner is selfish and actually quite abusive.

It's nothing to do with jealousy either .

He doesnt deny it he just erases the history prob so it isnt rubbed in my face. I will carry on putting up with it its just upsetting when u have low self esteem. But there certainly wasnt an excuse for him to be using it before as he was 'satisfied'

BTW i dont use a vibrator no time with an 8 wk old!!

Other than this we have a very good trusting relationship!!!

x

You don't have to "put up with it"
It's also a huge lie that it's "what all men do" - they don't.

An 8 week old baby and he's moaning that
he's not getting any? Selfish prick.

Lots of men have no interest in porn. So that's not an excuse for him to use it against your wishes.
However, your feelings are not necessarily more important than his, either, you don't have the right to control his behaviour completely. You need to discuss it with each other and listen to each other's viewpoints - a man having a quick wank over some porn rather than ask his partner, who he knows is tired or unwell or simply not in the mood, for sex, is a man who is doing a reasonably considerate thing: taking care of his own needs without bothering his partner.

Yes i do think he could be a bit more understanding!!!

He isnt going to stop using it so there is nothing i can do.

x

"Have a think about your self-esteem and how easy you find it, to state your boundaries and expectations, within your relationships. The people with the strongest self-esteem do not find it difficult to ask for what they need and to make decisions if those expectations are not met."

I disagree. I have self esteem in bucket loads but denying your young children a family life on the back of an idealogical dislike of porn is not really an option is it!

What decade are we in? Women should put up and shut up for the sake of the family, even if these actions upset them.

Heard it all now.

It makes me sad and a little bit angry that some women feel that they don't have any choice but to accept behaviour that they find abhorrent and upsetting.

If a man refuses to stop using porn even though his partner has made it clear how distressing ( not to mention how it affects her sexual feelings towards him) she finds it, what does that tell you about the kind of man he is?

I mean, sneaking off to wank over some porn while your wife is breastfeeding your baby in bed, it's quite vile, isn't it?

Yes I thought so too, glad you agree Mal.

I did tell him what I thought and hes agreed not to do it anymore.

emmyloulou I have two beautiful sons who I put first in everything.

I have idealogical reasons for disliking porn, views that dh doesn't share. If I allowed the disagreement to escalate (as I have in the past packed his bags!) my children face an uncertain financial future.