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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found a message on dh's phone, am gutted and don't know what to think - advise needed before I jump in the deep end

98 replies

DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 03/12/2010 23:42

I have namechanged Sad

I don't know what made me look (I don't usually) but I looked at dh's messages on his phone this evening.

There's a message off an 'unknown' number saying "hey babe u free 2night im horny and want u inside me" It was sent at 9:09 this morning. I'm devastated Sad

I would never, ever ever believe that dh would be unfaithful. And actually, I'm not sure I still do. We don't have a great sex life, that much I have to admit, and I suppose that is what is worrying me. But I really really can't ever see that he would cheat on me.

Apart from anything else, he works so hard (outdoors, in all weathers) and he is home regularly every evening. He very rarely goes out, and I really can't see how he would have the time to cheat, even if he wanted to - which again, I really don't think he would.

Or am I being incredibly naive?

He's in bed right now, so I can't ask him, but how would I ask anyway because he'd know that I had been looking at his phone Sad

Please give me some advise - I'm devastated Sad

OP posts:
booyhohoho · 03/12/2010 23:55

sounds like a mistake to me. if he has no sent messages to this number and hasn't any other texts from it. either spam or wrong number.

Ewe · 03/12/2010 23:56

I think you can wake him up, this is important enough, you'll catch him relatively unaware which will make harder for him to lie if there is anything to lie about. You're not going to be able to sleep with this hanging over you anyway.

I didn't think people actually used language like that in real life, it doesn't sound very authentic. It doesn't exactly sound massively arousing unless you're DH is in fact a 15 year old boy, so it could be spam.

Trop · 03/12/2010 23:56

Can I just throw this into the mix?

I've not read the whole thread so there may be more to this than the op but i have had a similar message from and unknown number.

I am female, heterosexual and don't contact sexlines. I have no idea hwere it came from but I ignored it as I figured it was a spam message. I have had those before.

It might not mean he is being unfaithful is my point.

Off to read the rest of the thread now.

booyhohoho · 04/12/2010 00:00

my ex used to get them from gay sexlines. he is straight so obviously didn't sign up for them.

Bluegrass · 04/12/2010 00:01

Sounds like spam most likely.

Of course now he will know you look at his phone, which will prey on his mind as he will think you don't trust him and wonder why.

Mobile's are the cause of so much trouble.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 04/12/2010 00:01

I've woke him up.

He said "I've got no idea who it's off, I was meaning to show you earlier" then he added "and why the fuck where you looking at my phone"

I don't usually look at his phone, not that he believes me. But looks like I'm the bad guy now ...

OP posts:
Trop · 04/12/2010 00:02

I'm inclined to stand by my theory that it is spam BUT...

What made you check his phone when you don't usually?

If you think there is something there then you need to talk to him about it.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 04/12/2010 00:04

I don't know Sad

OP posts:
Trop · 04/12/2010 00:06

xpost. But its important for you to analyse why you checked his phone if that is unusual for you.

Gut instincts usually have some kind of substance.

BitOfFun · 04/12/2010 00:07

Awww. You aren't the bad guy- you just got carried away with an opportunity to be nosey. I am so glad that there is nothing to this. Get into bed and reassure yourself!

judasisacarrot · 04/12/2010 00:09

most people have a nosey instinct. but if you wouldn't normally look then there may be something that told you to. even if you don't realise it now.

but i do think it is innocent. really i do.

Trop · 04/12/2010 00:09

True BOF, curiosity killed the cat!

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 04/12/2010 00:13

I really don't know why I looked.

I was cleaning the sides down in the kitchen, picked up his phone and had a look.

He's pissed off at me though, and I'm going to have some serious explaining to do in the morning ... Sad

OP posts:
ABitBatty · 04/12/2010 00:16

Google the message :

Spam/mistake!

Bluegrass · 04/12/2010 00:16

He might forget about it by the morning, or at least not mention it if he doesn't really want to delve into the issue of why you don't trust him.

We are all human, sometimes nosiness+a bit of insecurity beat morality!! He'll get over it.

ChippingIn · 04/12/2010 00:16

When you say it was an unknown number and it wasn't saved - does that mean that the phone number was there - if so, write it down somewhere.

You aren't the bad guy, but I would have said the same to you too if you'd woken me up about something on my phone!

ShanahansRevenge · 04/12/2010 00:16

I have lookedat at my DHs phone...I don't think it's bad. Why would it be? It's not his diary! It's his phone. He can look at mine if he likes.

Bluegrass · 04/12/2010 00:18

btw - I'm guessing if you reply to the text it is a premium rate number. Classic scam.

Bluegrass · 04/12/2010 00:19

ShanahansRevenge - can he look at all you MN postings too? Correspondence with other people might be private and should be respected IMO.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 04/12/2010 00:22

Thanks all of you - I really appreciate your support

Yes the phone no was there, and yes I've saved it as a draft message in my phone (just in case ...)

OP posts:
Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 04/12/2010 00:23

I shouldn't have looked at this phone. I know that. I just hope he doesn't dwell on it

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 04/12/2010 00:24

Oh fuck it- just say you were idly being nosey- so sue you!

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 04/12/2010 00:25

Batty - that definitely makes me feel better, thanks!

But I'm still an arse for looking at his phone ...gah Sad

OP posts:
ShanahansRevenge · 04/12/2010 00:25

Yes Bluegrass...he can! He shows me what he posts on his forums too...I can't understand why I would keep things private...he's my husband! We have nothing to hide.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 04/12/2010 00:25

lol BOF - I think that's definitely the way forward ...

OP posts: