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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found a message on dh's phone, am gutted and don't know what to think - advise needed before I jump in the deep end

98 replies

DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 03/12/2010 23:42

I have namechanged Sad

I don't know what made me look (I don't usually) but I looked at dh's messages on his phone this evening.

There's a message off an 'unknown' number saying "hey babe u free 2night im horny and want u inside me" It was sent at 9:09 this morning. I'm devastated Sad

I would never, ever ever believe that dh would be unfaithful. And actually, I'm not sure I still do. We don't have a great sex life, that much I have to admit, and I suppose that is what is worrying me. But I really really can't ever see that he would cheat on me.

Apart from anything else, he works so hard (outdoors, in all weathers) and he is home regularly every evening. He very rarely goes out, and I really can't see how he would have the time to cheat, even if he wanted to - which again, I really don't think he would.

Or am I being incredibly naive?

He's in bed right now, so I can't ask him, but how would I ask anyway because he'd know that I had been looking at his phone Sad

Please give me some advise - I'm devastated Sad

OP posts:
emmyloulou · 03/12/2010 23:45

Erm it's pretty damning I'll give you that.

You need to ask him.

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 03/12/2010 23:45

Oh god. It could be innocent, as in , a wrong number. Have you looked at his 'sent' box?

Dansmommy · 03/12/2010 23:46

My DH has had these from dodgy companies. If he texts/calls back it costs. Could that explain it? It seems a little explicit even if he was having an affair.

LowLevelBahHumbug · 03/12/2010 23:47

very upsetting for you to read this Sad

deep breaths

There is a possibility that it is just a wrong number or a random chancer. I had a random chancer text me asking if we could get together (I told him to fuck off obv).

apart from that, you need to talk. just say you looked at his phone, you don't know why and you're sorry.

what is your gut feeling about it?

ChippingIn · 03/12/2010 23:47

Oh jesus...

Did you look through the rest of his messages? Voice mails?

Smileypeeple · 03/12/2010 23:47

It could well be innocent, texts go awry all the time. Look at his it her texts, his sent texts, and then talk to him.

If he's never out in the evening it seems unlucky tbh.

AitchTwoOh · 03/12/2010 23:47

totally could be a wrong number.

Smileypeeple · 03/12/2010 23:48

Unlikely sorry.

YankNCock · 03/12/2010 23:48

If I saw that on my DH's phone, I'd assume it was spam from some text sex line. Call me naive, but he simply doesn't have time to cheat and is hardly ever anywhere to meet anyone to cheat with.

Dansmommy · 03/12/2010 23:49

Yep, check his sent box.
Two things to note:

  1. She asks if he's free tonight...he clearly hasn't gone to meet her!
  2. You have his phone! If he was up to something he'd have hidden it/deleted the text.
judasisacarrot · 03/12/2010 23:49

has this number been stored?

is there a response?

if not then it may well be a wrong number, embarrassinglyi have sent similar texts to wrong numbers before so i know it happens.

overmydeadbody · 03/12/2010 23:49

Has he been home all night?

Was it an unread message or had it been read?

If it was a wrong text then surely he would have deleted it?

Ewe · 03/12/2010 23:50

Any other messages on the phone? Sent items? Other texts? Call lists?

Was he home all evening? Does he have unexplained nights out/working late which are a recent addition to his schedule?

It doesn't look great.

exexpat · 03/12/2010 23:50

I have had some of these, thought they were the equivalent of the beautiful russian girls who want to be my lover who clog up my email spam box? If it's a one off and he hasn't replied then I'd say it's likely to be junk.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 03/12/2010 23:50

Nothing sent to this number. Nothing else received from this number. Nothing in the call log either ...

OP posts:
Dansmommy · 03/12/2010 23:51

When you say 'unknown number'...do you mean one that's not saved?Or does it actually say 'unknown'?

LowLevelBahHumbug · 03/12/2010 23:51

Dansmommy has a good point (in fact two good points)!

AitchTwoOh · 03/12/2010 23:52

och, it'll be nothing. just go and ask him. please don't worry. Smile

JimmyTarbuck · 03/12/2010 23:52

sounds like spam to me

Dansmommy · 03/12/2010 23:52

Put the number into google. If it's a sexline you'll find it.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 03/12/2010 23:53

Sorry xposted with a few posts there. He has been home all evening with my younger dc. I have been out with the eldest.

He hasn't replied.

He hasn't mentioned it either, which tbh I would have thought he would, in a "look at this, how funny" sort of way Sad

OP posts:
Hulababy · 03/12/2010 23:54

I would have to go and wake him up and ask him - to put my mind at rest.

It does read as one of those dodgy email type things that you get sometimes. Never had one as a text, but spam email often gets wierd stuff in.

The signs seem to e positive - he is home, h didn;t go out, no sent reply, etc.

But to put your mind at rest go and wake him and show him.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToBelieve · 03/12/2010 23:54

Unknown as in not saved

OP posts:
Limez · 03/12/2010 23:54

Google the number.

JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 03/12/2010 23:54

I got some very questionable texts a while ago and, despite me texting back that the person had the wrong number and to stop texting me, the person (female allegedly) continued to text because my number had been provided on some website or other.

It was only when I said that I would contact the police if they didn't stop that they eventually stopped sending them.

I would imagine that if your husband were having an affair/liaison that the person he was seeing would not be an unknown number and also, importantly, that he would have deleted the text. It's also likely that he would have hidden his phone and/or protected it with some form of password or switched it off.

I really, really would give him the benefit of the doubt until you can ask him about it.

I would check the sent items and, if it's a Nokia, also see if it has a message log (it'll be in the menu under "Log" or "Calls Log") as this will show text info even if the messages have been deleted. Not all Nokias have this - my new one doesn't buy my old one did.

I hope it's just some random message and nothing to worry about.