Husband said he want the best for as.......and left

[monikaa]

My H said that he loves his children (4y,1y), so much and he wants the best from them and he wants the best for me, that?s why he decided to leave. Because he likes going clubbing, partying, doing whatever he wants and not to tell me?etc.He said if he stays he wouldn't give up(his "thinks") and that would hurt me, so he better leave.
He left 3 days ago, I feel so sad and empty, I wish he will come back and put his family at first!

I think he has done the right thing, although you will not see that now.

What a fucking pity he wasn't truthful with you from the start. Was he truthful with you from the start ?

You can find a better man than this.

Write him off as the juvenile, immature twat he is, and make a new life for yourelf, just you and your babies x

Why did he bother to make marriage vows then?

What an absolute loser. You will get on fine without him, maybe you can't see it yet but you will.

Wanker.

If he came back, he would still never put his family first. You will learn to cope without him - I would guess that in a shorter time than you think, things will actually get easier for you because you won't be supporting a third child.

Your children are really going to appreciate his decision when they are old enough to understand just how much he loves them

yeah, but xmas is around a corner :(
And am not sure if I be able to pay for mortgage and all other bills on my own..?

You don't have to worry about this. They are his children too, so get him to dig into his pockets.
After all, if he can afford to go clubbing, he can afford to feed his family.

You get some financial advice, pronto...he is obliged to support your children and they can stay where they are accustomed to

He has fucked Xmas up, not you

I will call CAB tomorrow..get some advice
But I still love him and it hurts

I might get over him, but at the moment is seemed so difficult.
All I wanted was to have a happy family and now is all gone :(

YOu can have a happy family - you and your two kids - NOT three. Seriously - what kind of man decides going clubbing is more important to him than the happiness of a woman he promised to cherish and that of his two babies? You are better off without him. It doesn't feel like that now I know but it will.

I know love, it is very, very sad

You must never blame yourself though

Xmas can be an emotional time...but it's just another day, really

Pull your horns in, lick your wounds and think of the 3 of you as a family with a happy future, just around the corner x

He has trashed his happiness for a false lifestyle...that is his problem

I am so sorry this has happened to you, have you told many people yet in rl?

I am sure this is still a shock, and as you say painfull and of course you still love him, you will for a while to come yet. What you are feeling is so very normal x

The happy family you wanted can still be achieved, the one with mum and dad is gone and you will have to grieve for that for a bit, then eventually the family of you and the two kiddies will be happy and one day all he will be left with is his empty life of clubbing that most people grow out of doing every week and go occasionally and find new interests, he sounds so very young emotionally...

I hope you do well at the cab x

Thanks all, you have lifted my mud

How to explain 4y old one that daddy left?
She is very close to him and quite highly susceptible to 4 years.

you sound lovely

all the very best of luck and strength to you

keep posting, it will help you x

oh love, you poor thing!

it will get easier, you are in shock at the moment, but this fog will clear, and you will see that what he has done is beyond reprehensible.

what a total loser he really is.

keep posting, we are always here.

he came very late last nite, I asked what for? he said that he wants to sleep in our house this night.
I said he should make his mind up
he said he MIGHT want to be husband again and what's my conditions!?
I said that he should know how healthy marriage look like, he said he doesn't know...
He slept in daughter's bedroom, in the morning went to work..
If he comes back in the afternoon I have to talk to him.. but is he gonna change and put family first??

Don't let him come and go as he pleases. He left! He doesn't get to bed down at home when he has run out of other options . He should leave so that you can have a bit of space to work out what you want. This man really does have everything his own way, doesn't he? Not to put to fine a point on it, tell him to fuck off.

Is he going to change, very likely NOT. Not without serious Relate help.

He sounds as if he's behaving like a kid and somehow you are in the role as (his) mother, you deserve way more respect that this.

Ask him what HE would think if YOU buggered off and left him for days on end and then just turned up?

Is there any chance he is taking drugs?

At the moment he's got no incentive to change. He gets to bugger off when he wants to and do whatever he likes. He then gets to come home when he feels like it and sleep in a warm bed.

He's treating your home like a hotel. It can't be doing your dd much good either to have him randomly turning up and sleeping in her room when he feels like it.

If he truly wants the best for his children, then he must learn to be an adult himself. That means agreeing with you about how often he goes out, how much care he takes of your children, and how much YOU can go out when you want.

You need to talk to him about how you can best live together (or apart). Even if he moves out, it is his responsibility to provide care for the children some of the time, and to pay for their share of your expenses - mortgage, heating, food, clothes, other bills.

Tell him to be a real man and support his family.

What he probably wants is to come and go as he pleases, be totally selfish, party wildly, do nothing around the home, have no responsibilities and still get to shag you and have you cook and clean.

His leaving perhaps was to get you afraid of being alone so that you would accept this.

Drugs?? no, I woudln't say
In beginning I was very scared to be on my own, but now am quite strong.
I have to talk to him?if I get a chance today?.Tell him if he wants to stay, he must behave as a proper husband and dad and go for counselling cos of our marriage and I think he need one for his self too

When he left I packed his beddings, took his pic.from whales,dirty clothes..etc and
put everything on loft :) He was very surprised last night

be strong love, it seems this man would rather like to treat you as a domestic appliance while he gets to live a single lifestyle

do not stand for it

Get some legal advice, please. Not necessarily with a view to immediate divorce but just so you know what your rights and his responsibilities are. Also, get advice on child/working tax credits etc. My friend is going through a similar situation but is managing really well thanks to her helpful and non-confrontational lawyer. Depending on your income, you may be entitled to free legal advice. Also try Citizens' Advice Bureau.

Also, sort out bank accounts - do you have your own separate account? If not, do set one up and arrange for any child benefit etc to be paid into that as you are the one caring for the children.

HTH.

And consider changing locks. He has chosen to leave, therefore what right has he to turn up as he sees fit?

It's simple.

If he stays, he takes equal responsibility with you. If he wants independence and no responsibility, he goes. What he doesn't get to do is treat the family he helped to create like a doss-house with sex perks whenever he feels like.

SO angry on your behalf.