Husband said he want the best for as.......and left

[monikaa]

My H said that he loves his children (4y,1y), so much and he wants the best from them and he wants the best for me, that?s why he decided to leave. Because he likes going clubbing, partying, doing whatever he wants and not to tell me?etc.He said if he stays he wouldn't give up(his "thinks") and that would hurt me, so he better leave.
He left 3 days ago, I feel so sad and empty, I wish he will come back and put his family at first!

Now you know where you stand. Now you know what he is.

Don't look back, get rid of him.

Sorry to hear that Monikaa. I know you must be feeling and BUT in reality he has done you a huge favour.

You now don't have the pressure or responsibility of 'deciding' whether to have him back.

You have saved yourself from the future pain and humiliation that I fear would have been inevitable

You have the moral high-ground because he has left (whcih doesn't really matter but sometimes helps with extended family and custody)

He has left the home. You don't have to fight over your right to be there.

He is going to be selfish and indulgent with some other woman who will soon tire of his self-absorbed ways and boot him out.

This time next year, you will be wondering why you were so upset. Honestly you will.

yeah, I know I need time, but it looks and feels so bad at the moment :(

and xmas around a corner doesn't help..

please call all your friends and family and get their support. tell then your dh has left his children because he wants to be free to live the life of a single man.

dont give them all the details. focus on how they can help and support you and the kids now

make plans for Christmas

are you on maternity leave or are you a SAHM? you need to think about how and when you can go back to work. Do you need to retrain? Go back to education?

have you sorted out legal & financial stuff and benefits? make sure your home is secure and you have no joint accounts or cards?

use all your energy to plan ahead for you and your kids. Dont waste any worrying about him or what he is doing or why he did this etc. If you do that you will crack up and you need to stay strong.

only talk to him about access to and financial support for the kids.

I do have all support, but my family doesn't live around, I do have support from close friends too.
Am working from home and looking after dd2, which is quite stressfull now and I can't fully concentrate on my business :(

I already sorted all legal and benefits, but it takes at least 4-12 weeks.

And H took car, so is quite difficult to move around.

I will go to my parents house for xmas and stay around 2 weeks.

well done on being so organised

and of course you cant concentrate with a baby around, next year you need to sort out childcare so you can work properly

the best revenge is living well

Yes very well done so far, it isn't easy, but just take one day at a time. Could you hire a car just for few weeks? Is car in joint names? Could you maybe get your own car in the future? Have you sorted out access of kids with their Dad? Have you sorted lawyer appt out?
Sorry for all questions. Your doing great! X

Baileys.:
At the moment I can not afford to buy a new car, perhaps in several months

H is really an idiot! came yesterday at 6pm to see the children, dd1 asking him why he is not staing with us and he said, because your mummy doesn't wan me here.
When I put my kids to bed, H begged me again to take him back,he said he miss me and children too much
We talked about everything ...
He asked if he can sleep in the living room, he said that this house is still on his name and he has all right to stay.
In the morning he showed beloved father and went to work and said that he will come back

I do really not understand what he is doing?

I would not say it's because of woman, because I know where he lives, but he lives, but he doesn't know that I know.

I also didn't state one thing
Before he left, we had a big argument throughout his clubbing and I told him if he can not even put his family first and is interested in only the case where there is no communication in our marriage so I do not understand why he remains with us. ...
After my own he said, what I wrote here .......
He takes it that I threw him out of the house

Did I?

I can't believe he told your daughter he's not staying because 'mummy doesn't want me here'.

He wants it every way that suits him doesn't he?! He wants to live the single life, he wants to come and go no questions asked, and if the children ask awkward questions he wants you to shoulder that blame !! on the grounds that you won't turn a blind eye and shrug to him coming and going!

I think he honestly expected (and definitely wanted) you to just sadly accept that he could go out clubbing and you would be responsible for the children night after night. He wants you there when he's nothing else on, a family tucked away for a rainy sunday afternoon!

And if you won't accept this family-light set up, then you are to blame!?!!? and he will openly tell the children that he's not there because "mummy doesn't want me here".

What the hell are you supposed to say to that???? If he had an OUNCE of decency he wouldn't be trying to present his side to the children.

You are WELL shot of this dick head... And don't worry, in time, the children will get a more balanced impression of what happened.

I just tell my children I left because I was very unhappy with their father. Nobody can really argue with that. I hopoe.

HOpe you are OK today.

He sounds horribly manipulative, definitely to the point of abusive. It's a mind fuck.

H: "Can I go out shagging around clubbing and use this place as a doss house?"

monika: well, not really...

H: "Wahwahwah, you don'T want me here, you're throwing me out"

That sums it up perfectly sakura. I can see how when you're right of the middle of it, it mightn't seem that cut and dried, but really that is the sum of it.