I think DH is a sexoholic.

[AllShaggedOut]

Honestly...what actually makes a man "unatural" in his need for sex? We're both in our mid-thirties with 2 dc...I DO enjoy sex...it's great but not as often as he wants it.

It causes rows...he ould do it three times a day if he could...he has never showed signs of being unfaithful...but I can't shag that often!

I work from home and so does he at times...if DC are not there then he comes after me all the bloody time...I have name changed for this btw as FAR too embarrased to talk about this otherwise.

We had a row today because I said that if I dont want it I dont want it and nagging or sulking is pointless...he thiinks I should "try" more as it really affects him if he can't do it often.

It DOES seem to affect him...he gets tense and grumpy...and sorting it out himself iyswim doesn't "work" apparently.

I would be happy to do it about twice a week...my younest is only 2 and I get knackered! I dont always feel sexy due to looking like I have been dragged backwards though a bush!

What to do? Feel like it will never work...

First of all, has he always been like this? If so, why on Earth did you marry him?

I had a high sex drive but that's too much even for me.

You two need to see a counsellor, IMO, to help come to a compromise because nagging and sulking, demanding someone 'try more' and telling them self-satisfying doesn't work isn't on because you're not a fuck toy.

Yes he has....but earlier I was more into it..you know..before DC.

I was never quite on his level but enough that he was happy. The thing is...a slight diffeence in sex drives is normal no? Surely people dont find someone who they love in all other ways but then think "Oh no, but he wants it three times a week and I oNly fancy it once on average"

Or do they?

So is it "normal" to want it so often...I think if I am honest that he would do it more than three timesa day...I have never given him te opportunity though!

I would think that men think that the sex life you start with is how it is going to last. I would also think that they would make allowances for the fact you have had children etc. I read somewhere that it is quite normal for women to have a higher sex drive at the beginning of a relationship as back in the stone ages it got them pregnant and a man!

I have to say the way you posted it came across as other poster said that you were a toy to your dh!

How do conversations go when you discuss this?

I don't think there is a normal, people are different. Normal for you both at the beginning was three times a day! What was normal with your other partners?

Personally when I was married as I was never on contraceptives it was a case of times per month, as there were times when I wanted it more and times when I wanted it less, of course mother nature made sure it was mid month I would want it more! Do you have to satisfy him three times a day when on your period as well, I have the odd time done it when on and it kind of hurt, I would hate to have to do that three times a day then!

Conversation will begin when he tries to approach me for sex and I will rebuff him...tell him why I dont want to...such as "too tired" or too much work to do,

then he will try again...and again and again...all the time he remains in a good humur. Then eventually he will go off in a huff....every few weeks he will bring it up in a row...such as saying that he "cant cope"" with not having enough sex...and it's a "fact" that he needs it very often or he feels miserable.

I then ask him what I am supposed to DO about it! I can't MAKE myself feel horny!

mummiehinnie...he doesn't care if period is there or not! I do...I dont like doing it during a period...messy and weird feeling.

He likes porn too which he invites me to watch and he also likes sex toys...God it sounds really pervy...b but there you go.

have you ever watched katie and peter when they were toghter, there is a great book I continually advise, the games people play by eric berne, this game is in there!

I remember my ex would not touch me unless it was for sex after a few years, where are all the cuddles and hand holding things, kisses where there is nothing expected?

It is like he is trying to prove something, has he had some problems with someone else sexually in the past?

I get you re the period thing, I can understand the odd time, not three times a day each month!

How is the rest of your relationship?

He will touch me I think...but he is so over sexed that it's ALL sexual nearly... I mean he will hug but it will turn into something else.

He has always been a hand holder too...I remember Katie and Peter...he wanted sex all the time and she didn't...how is the game in there?

Roughly from what I remember of the game, she is overtly sexy, he claims to want lots of sex... when neither really want lots of sex, he makes him beg and become a sex pest, and he chooses her as she doesn't want lots of sex as he himself does not and blames her for the lack of sex he does not really want, I think it is called fridget wife game!

Look at them both now, she is reported to be the same with Alex and he has hardly had anyone since he has hug buddies etc!

This may not be what is going on with you and your oh, if he is quite tactile normally, only you would know really as you know each of you and your relationship, I am just going on what you are posting!

blooming heck I have spelt it wrong, it is fridged, if you google it you will see the game on line, have a look at it and see if it relates to you both or not... I would lay my bottom dollar it relates to Katie and Peter as they shared so much with the public!

No. He definately wants it! He will bring it up out of nowhere. I dont know....I suppose am going to have to work out a way to tackle it...not sure how though...he wont do councelling.

[puts chastity belt on and prepares for bed]

blimey, well you could go and get psychosexual counselling for the issue yourself, love the allshaggedout name also... you better keep that key safe x

I have pasted the game for anyone that comes across this thread and is interested!

This is almost always a marital game, since it is hardly conceivable that an informal liaison would present the required opportunities and privileges over a sufficient length of time, or that such a liaison would be maintained in the face of it.

The husband makes advances to his wife and is repulsed. After repeated attempts, he is told that all men are beasts, he doesn't really love her, or doesn't love her for herself, that all he is interested in is sex. He desists for a time, then tries again with the same result. Eventually he resigns himself and makes no further advances. As the weeks or months pass, the wife becomes increasingly informal and sometimes forgetful. She walks through the bedroom half-dressed or forgets her clean towel when she takes a bath so that he has to bring it to her. If she plays a hard game or drinks heavily, she may become flirtatious with other men at parties. At length he responds to those provocations and tries again. Once more he is repulsed, and a game of 'Uproar' ensues involving their recent behavior, other couples, their in-laws, their finances and their failures, terminated by a slamming door.

This time the husband makes up his mind that he is really through, that they will find a sexless modus vivendi. Months pass. He declines the negligee parade and the forgotten towel maneuver. The wife becomes more provocatively informal and more provocatively forgetful, but he still resists. Then one evening she actually approaches him and kisses him. At first he doesn't respond, remembering his resolution, but soon nature begins to take its course after the long famine, and now he thinks he surely has it made. His first tentative advances are not repulsed. He becomes bolder and bolder. Just at the critical point, the wife steps back and cries: 'See, what did I tell you! All men are beasts, all I wanted was affection, but all you are interested in is sex!'

In its everyday form this game is played by unmarried ladies of various ages, which soon earns them a common slang epithet. With them it often merges into the game of indignation, or 'Rapo'.

ASO, your partner sounds like a selfish, whiny twat

Does he maintain his balls will explode if you don't let him have sex on you ?

btw, I chose that term deliberately

What are you...a blow up doll who does the dishes ?

FFS Mummiehunnie where did you get that disgusting nonsense?

ASO: Don't take any notice of MH's ridiculous misogynistic crap. Libido mismatch in couples is not uncommon, but what never works is for the man to sulk and complain and continue to pester for sex. It is unfortunately very easy for a couple to get into a cycle of the horny one constantly asking for sex, the other partner constantly refusing, so the horny one gets ore desperate and the non-horny one more put off the whole idea. What can sometimes work is agreeing a schedule of days eg, three days a week the high-libido partner can ask for sex but must accept a refusal, three days a week only the lower-libido partner can ask for or initiate sex, the seventh day is up for grabs. This seems to help by allowing the lower-libido partner to feel less pressured.
SOmething else that is important in couples where it's the man who wants more sex: is the man doing his fair share of domestic shitwork? (His fair share is: enough of it to enable both you and him to have the same amount of leisure time). Because men who don't do their fair share and constantly ask for sex are basically turning sex into another service that their female partners have to provide for them, which is a total turn off.

Oh AF! Yes he does!Lol!

MummieHunnie...I googled the book and read a few extracts...isn't it furiously out-dated now?

X posts SGB

I just read an extract of the book it's so out-dated!

Your advie seem good SGB...DH does a bit of shitwork...the manly stuff and he will do the shopping...but not as much as I do round the house.

I agree it does feel like another service!

I like the idea of the days...must try it.

ASO I was interested about this as my OH and I are a very new couple and he is the same way. I have a high drive but can completely understand that with kids there has to be some "give" due to time etc etc. Worst thing for you is to do it when you don't want to - you'll resent him and get bad connections with sex.

I was wondering though, if you show him a lot of other attention or if you are perhaps side showing him for the kids? I only ask as sometimes men equate sex with "being nice" or whatever, and I wonder if he is doing some very basic caveman style "bonding". I hope that makes sense? I just wonder if he is attention seeking I guess. Hey, most men are children most of the time, right? ;) x

Fab...I like to talk! I see that as showing attention...you know planningor talking about our idividual pet projects...I AM a bit DC obsessed I spose.

I wasn't trying to knock you at all - you sound rushed off your feet! Men are just sometimes not great at the stuff that makes us excited, like using the brain as an erogenous zone for eg ;) Could you try doing the first date thing, where once a month or so you get to have nails/hair done and go for a nice dinner together and try to find the spark? God, sorry, I sound like a self help book! :-P

No Fab...I used exclamation marks a few too many times here..I never thought you wrre knocking me

It's my iritation at DH coming out!

outdated ridiculous misogynistic crap is your opinion, will now go and look up the meaning of misogynistic, I actually like Berne's work personally x

Haha. New to the site and didn't want to offend :)

Mummiehunnie...it's just that it was written in the 60s...ad the talk of "Rapo" doesn't bode well for the book.

All that extract does is show women as cock teases really.