does anyone have a nice male partner ?

[Lemonstartree]

and how did you know that ? what signs sere there in the beginning that he was basically a decent bloke - you know, not an abuser, likely to be faithful etc etc....

There are SO many hurt women out there, and in such miserable relationships.... surely there are SOME people who are really happy with their partner (in a a long term kind of way - not that first rush of love)

Moi. He's very nice - but he isn't perfect and sometimes I have to tell him what's what. Which is part of what coupledom is about.

There are lots of women out there looking for Mr Perfect with whom they will never have any conflict or negotiation; or Mr Doormat they can boss around (but still respect).

Probably best to get over it!

Yes - I'd say he's nice about 97% of the time!

Signs? Erm...

he only had one head;
he bought be a Fry's chocolate cream after knowing me for a week or so.

I don't know really. But my view is that there as many nice men out there as there are nice women.

mine.

Nice, not perfect, but nice. And not JST nice - he's funny, attractive and inteligent too.

Yup. With DH 8 yrs this week.
He was shy beyond belief when we met. Had never had a girlfriend before. Knew I was much more likely to hurt him than the other way round. Thankfully I never have. I instinctively knew he wasn't a bastard, because he was so drastically different from anyone I had gone for before.
He has always been my rock. We work seamlessly together, and we love each other very much. The first rush of love comes back every now and then!
I know many other lovely lovely men. They do exist.

Yes my dh is nice, basically decent. He isn't perfect though........

I wish

• he was more romantic - he isn't at all
• had more self belief
• was more emotionally supportive

those are all little things though and tbh in part things I can help change by telling him how to be supportive, what sort of romance I would like (not the same as him initiating it tbh) and when I'm positive about him, our marriage, I'm family etc he does have more self belief.

the sgns?

There arne't any. I decided that the next man I would go out with would have honour, integrity, and would fancy me. And THEN I would decide whether or not I wanted him.

My previous, they fancied me and I was so convinced of my own unattractiveness that I took what I was given.

I am, we've not been together for long, but I know he's a good guy because:-

he'll drive 30 miles to see me for lunch at work just because he wants to - and brings cake.
he'll stand and do all of my ironing whilst I sit down and watch cartoons with my son before bed.
he'll cook us all dinner, & then wash up after. (if i'd let him)
he teaches my son that in a partnership like we have everyone does their fair share and pitches in. (just cos he's a boy doesn't mean he doesn't do anything)
he sees his step son regularly still to whom he has no other connection.
he supports 110% and gives me confidence in everything I want to do.
he never questions or moans, just supports, or looks for ways we can make something work.
buys me 2 take that tickets & says take your friend and i'll be on kiddie watch.

I had an abusive marriage, and a bit of a rough time of things, but the corner's been turned.

(there is bad to him thou - washing on the floor, cold hands on my back when i'm toasty, erm.... lol.)

I know what you mean. I don't think you can tell a lot of the time. Many guys are just charmers and then turn nasty.

I find my marriage difficult at times because of my husband's work as he spends a lot of time on his computer working etc BUT I do trust him (never trusted any guy before him actually) and I respect him. I find it very difficult to imagine him cheating. Not because I am miss perfect but because he keeps himself to himself and me,our daughter and his work seem to be about the only things he thinks about. He tends not to make friends easily so focuses his efforts on other things. We are not `romantic' as such, and we have our ups and downs.

He is older (38) and I am 30 and I knew he hadnt had a girlfriend for a while before me and he certainly wasnt interested in one night stands etc so I guess that made me have more cofidence about the type of person he was.

I could be wrong but I don't doubt him and that is because I have never found him lie to me or try and trick me into anything.

As soon as a guy lies to me it stays with me for a long time and find it hard to trust even if we were to stay together or the lie be about something simple.

Well we've been together for 17 years - does that count as long-term?

For me the things I noticed were that he was kind (much underrated quality) and seemed to get on well with both blokes and women, and liked a laugh - but not at people, just generally. And was able to laugh at himself (something people in my family are really bad at!)

I'm making him sound perfect though, which he ain't, but he'll do.

I also had a friend once say to me that she could never be attracted to a man with as bad dress sense at my DH - and yes she is single and still looking for Mr Perfect!

I have a lovely husband who I have been married to for four years and with for 13 in total.

I have to say I think I am quite cautious with men but generally a good judge of character, probably erring on the harsh side so it would take someone truly manipulative and determined to fool me - having said that I don't think I have met anyone like this so not sure if I would be fooled or not.

I think I could tell my DH was a good guy by the fact he didn't try and impress me but was obviously nervous about whether I liked him.

He would always call me and I don't think I called him for a year after we met but he never complained about it.

My Mum asked me what he was like before she had met him and the first thing I thought to say was how thoughtful he is - and he still is.I found it hard to trust men before I met him but he was never flirty with anyone else and so honest that he was easy to trust.

I honestly think that even if he wasn't my husband I would think he was a lovely and genuine person so nothing to do with rose tinted glasses - I am fully aware of his faults but there is nothing spiteful or malicious about him and if we do argue we both feel terrible about it afterwards.

The down side of our relationship is that some people who get to know him first automatically put me into the bad guy role and when I first met a good friend of his I was warned not to hurt him. I guess you could say one of the signs he is a good guy is how other people perceive him and what sort of friendships he has.

Obviously we both have faults but we know about them now and are prepared for them to a certain extent - I don't see them as character flaws as such but as things he prefers to do differently to me.

I've got a thoroughly decent DH. We've been together (blimey) 30 years and married for 24.

Likely to be faithful? two indicators (1) that he pursued me for the whole of our first university year, not obnoxiously but steadily; (2) what his parents were like.

Also how he had time for elderly relatives and friends.

And his adoration of dachshunds

There were many signs that surprised and impressed me when we met:

• His maturity. For some reason, most guys I had met before behaved as if they were 14. Maturity in the way he affronted problems, looked into the future, moved on with things when they did not work. He never whinges and wallows in self-pity, blaming everyone else for his problems (as seems to be so common nowadays). He takes responsibility for his actions.

• The way he talked about his ex wife: he only talked about her when prompted, but when he did, he would talk in a respectful way, admitting that he had his faults too and was equally responsible in breaking the marriage (still trying to find these faults after two years!). This comes from someone who was cheated on repeatedly by his ex wife, shouted at, sworn at, thrown things at him, and despised by that horrible woman. However, he would never disrespect her, although he was the one to decide that marriage was broken.

• His respect for me: never a bad word, never a bad gesture towards me. He never loses his temper. He is assertive without being violent.

• His friends and colleagues all respect him and have him in great esteem. You can learn a lot from a person from what others think of him.

• His relationship with his family: he loves his mum and dad, and it is evident they adore him, without smothering one another. He loves his sister and his nephews to bits. He introduced me to his family soon and encouraged me to be part of it, and they absolutely embraced me from day one.

• You very rarely hear him saying a bad word about anyone. Even when one of his employees, a very difficult woman who had Asperger's and made life impossible for everyone at work, he would always try to understand her situation, and at the same time deal with the problem to ensure the outcome was fair to everyone.

And most important, I think it is easy to "get" when a person is just a good person. They way he looks at you, the kindness in all his actions, lack of aggression, caring nature... My DP was a keeper from the beginning. If for any reason I lost him (hurts me just to think of it), I would only wish he found someone he deserved. I can't imagine living without him now, but if I had to, I would let him go and wish him no bad. He is a person to be admired.

MY DH :) He's decent, kind, considerate, loves cats... he't not Mr Romantic with grand gestures, but does little things every day like make me toast for breakfast when I'm trying to wake up, brings in firewood for our log fire and lights it to make the room warm when I've been out all day and I've even caught him letting the cat snuggle under the duvet when he thinks I'm not looking!

He's not perfect and has some very annoying habbits (he's a dairy farmer after all0, but they are more than livable with because of who he is as a person. He's amazing. :)

None of my mates do but my bro is a good man. No sense of entitlement, happy to cook and do housework after work, able to earn a living without whinging, stable. All my mates are in awful, abusive relationships.
I don't know what happened with my bro because our parents are a bit so it didn't come from them!

I know its not fair on the people who havent got good father figures but my dad is a faithful, loving, kind, faithful etc ttype of man who has been with my mum since a teen. My husband is the exact carbon copy of him.

I didnt even do it intentionally but I realise it loking back so I think that is why he has lived completely to my expectations.

I've got a good one too. He's kind and patient and generally considerate. He has his flaws (addiction to takeaways, blind to any housework/gardening) but will happily get up 5 times a night with grumpy babies.

I think the good ones may not always be the ones to initially set your world on fire, but are more of a long burn. It took us a year to get together, but we've been together 12 years since then.

Yes!

Signs; I invited him over for Sunday lunch and he helped with the cooking, played with my DD then washed up after.
He made life easier and was very affectionate towards me.
I thought hmmm, he's actually a really nice bloke!!
(first time for me as all my other boyfriends were arses)
5 years on and he is still great, busy giving DS a bath while I MN :)

When I met DP 8 years ago he was an adulterer and as a result I resisted getting involved very strongly. But he had such respect for his wife despite her also having affairs - he'd never say a bad word about her. They eventually divorced but it obviously pained him badly to lose someone who was actually a great friend to him. When we got together it was not without me making it clear that my trust would have to be earned, and he accepted that and worked hard for it. We've now got two gorgeous children and are more in love than we ever have been. Sometimes a box-ticking approach to what makes a man decent means you miss a good one!

My DH is an all-round nice guy. He has always shown a lot of consideration for others- we met through various groups at Uni, and if anyone new joined he'd spend time getting to know them, putting them at their ease. He never has a bad word for anyone. He always treated me with respect and after 11 years he still makes it clear to me that our DD and I are the most important things in his world.

Ive got a good one too.Hes romantic ,great with dd ,cooks my dinner every day and starts lots of diy(not always finishing though!)He very really complains either.However ,not perfect.Doesnt do mornings and thinks socks left on the floor will put themselves in the washer.Hes 9 yrs younger than me but very mature for his age.I agree with turkeyboots,wasnt keen when I first met him but it was definitely a slow burn !

Mine is very decent and is supportive,kind and good dad and step dad.

the signs when we first met were:

he'd phone me when he said he was going to on the dot.

he had a good relationship with his parents
and signs of other normal friendships.

he didn't push me for anything more than I wanted to give sexually.

he was keen to form good relationships with my son and my family-but again I set the time frame.

My DH is one of the good guys. Utterly loyal, all he ever wanted was a wife to love and to have someone to have fun with. He's incredibly clever, works his arse off, happy to do as much housework as he has time for, has no hobbies that he's not willing to compromise on, respects me totally and is endlessly supportive.

He's as imperfect as I am obviously and we have had some rollicking arguments (mostly about politics) and we are both stubborn and egotistical.

yes, i've got a good un.

i reckon i got him cause after a serious relationship at uni and another one just after, i spent about five years single, i dated but mostly i saw that most of my friends were made less happy by their relationships, not more happy. i was sometimes lonely but i got to know myself and was busy and really developed as a person. i didn't ever date anybody twice if i wasn't sure or if they made me feel bad about myself or stressed about the relationship.

so when i met my now DH i knew because i was happy single and yet wanted to be with him that he must be a good thing.

There are some lovely decent blokes out there, I've had two!
First one we were together for 17 years I was his first and last girlfriend, we had three children and he was a stay at home dad for many years, we had some difficult times when all three kids were DX with autism and then when he was DX with cancer.
Sadly he died 29 months ago.
Happily I met someone just over a year ago, he is very lovely and special, he loves me and the kids as well as his own two kids and he buys me love hearts!
You need to be in the right place emotional to meet the right sort of person I think.

My dh is lovely. Early signs? About two days after we met, he got up at 6 o'clock to chop baskets of fruit for a fruit salad I had to make for a family occasion to which he was not invited. About two weeks in, I went to a party with his friends. Approximately every 20 mins random people would approach me and say "oh, you're the new girlfriend. He's just great, DH, really nice bloke". I must have had 8 to 10 drunken people say that to me in the space of a few hours.