does anyone have a nice male partner ?

[Lemonstartree]

and how did you know that ? what signs sere there in the beginning that he was basically a decent bloke - you know, not an abuser, likely to be faithful etc etc....

There are SO many hurt women out there, and in such miserable relationships.... surely there are SOME people who are really happy with their partner (in a a long term kind of way - not that first rush of love)

I've got a lovely one

We've been together for 12 years this new year's eve, but I've known him a lot longer. He makes me laugh, he's great in bed, he's a brilliant stepdad to my two DC's, he's utterly crap round the house but doesn't notice when I am too, and does notice when I'm not ... sounds corny but we're a great team - we buoy (sp.?) each other up.

'what signs sere there in the beginning that he was basically a decent bloke - you know, not an abuser, likely to be faithful etc etc....'

It helped immensely that we had already known each other for years - although not well. We mis-spent our youths in the same small-town pub and had a lot of friends in common, including a couple of ex's on both sides. If a bloke's ex's have good things to say about him and aren't competing with you, it's a very good sign.

I think you can tell a lot about a bloke by the company he keeps. Are they proper friends who have his best interests at heart or are they a destructive influence?

I have a good guy

The very first signs of that were

1. very nice to his mum and dad
2. refused to diss a previous gf who was being a bit of a pain
3. loved dogs
4. was sweet
5. nobody had a bad word to say about him
6. he insisted on walking me home
7. I had to jump him to get a shag

he was great with his young neices/nephews as well as his elderly, childless aunt

I loved all his friends (male and female) as soon as I met them

Yes. DP is wonderful; he treats me with love and respect, always listens to me and puts me first and I'd bet my life he would never be unfaithful.
I don't know if I agree that you have to be in the right 'place' emotionally - I was an untrusting wreck and he was at the end of a loveless and oppressive marriage - but since we've been together life is beautiful again and I feel safe for the first time since I was 7.

Yes. DP is wonderful; he treats me with love and respect, always listens to me and puts me first and I'd bet my life he would never be unfaithful.
I don't know if I agree that you have to be in the right 'place' emotionally - I was an untrusting wreck and he was at the end of a loveless and oppressive marriage - but since we've been together life is beautiful again and I feel safe for the first time since I was 7.

My DH in beyond nice. He's the "he doesn't have a bad bone in his body" sort of bloke.

I think some women don't have a good bloke/bad bloke radar. I went out with a lot of blokes before DH, and never trusted any of them.When I met DH, I new straight away he would always be honest, kind, a great dad and a decent provider for my children.

His only flaw is that he doesn't own a passport. Well, actually he has quite a few minor flaws, but that's his main one.

Mine is a nice chap.

We've been together 12 years.

He is a feminist. He LIKES me. He respects me. He is interested in my opinions. He is proud of me. He wants good things for me. And he thinks I am blarly marvellous and tells me so often.

Right at the start... I was impressed by him not wanting to jump my bones. And I liked how much we talked about everything.

It's not fairytail perfect, but he is a good man.

My Dh is wonderful (and his family aren't so I don't know where he gets it from!). It's easier to say there were no bad signs really!

I had also had an abusive boyfriend before DH and in retrospect can see the slippery slope that I was on (and allowed to happen).

Therefore I think the signs are that there are no bad signs/warning signals with a good partner... but for some women (and as I have done in the past) you override the danger signals repeatedly (in my case gradually isolating me from my friends in the early days for example).

From looking around at girlfriends in good and bad relationships, I think that some women because of difficult family situations/low self esteem have normalised bad behaviour in partners or aren't even aware that some behaviours aren't acceptable.

If you aren't treated kindly and with respect at all times, if you ever feel scared/humiliated/shamed/isolated/persuaded of things you don't agree with, then you don't make excuses or hope things will change, you get out, and get out quickly!

My partner is a really, really good man (not perfect but good).
It was just sort of obvious. I knew his friends - I liked them a lot. I met his family (before we were a couple) and could see they were lovely.

He is one of those people who never boasts, but about whom other people say good things. I noticed it straight off. I rate that trait very highly (and saying how blardy wonderful you are - or how terrible - is a sure fire alarm bell imo).

Yes, my DH is an all round good egg.

The signs? Well, he was patient with me when we first started talking, asked me out a few times but didn't get in a huff or pressurise me when I put him off, he never changed towards me. In the end, I asked him out.

Even though I knew he fancied me and liked me, he never tried to push it sexually, again, he waited for me to initiate that.

Most of all, I've never, ever felt so comfortable in anyone else's company, not friends or family, everyone always seems to expect something from you, DH never did, he just loves me as I am.

My DH is absolutely all round wonderful. We've been together ten years now. He's not perfect, but he's a lovely, lovely bloke.

I agree with a lot of what Aurynne and AnyFucker said. My DH is very nice to his family, and to his colleagues, even colleagues who are rather difficult to get on with. I've never heard anyone say a bad word about him. He's always willing to go out of his way to help someone, even to his own disadvantage, but he's certainly not a wimp or a pushover. If he's out with me and spots a someone with a pushchair struggling to get up a flight of stairs, I just know that he'll dart off and help her, and make friendly conversation while he's doing it. He never dissed his ex, although things had ended badly between them, and I think he would have been justified in having a good old moan. He respects me and my opinions - although this is something we've also had to work on over the years. He never expects me to do anything at all around the house that he wouldn't do, and I am utterly banned from ever doing his ironing. And I, too, had to jump him to get a shag.

Yes. He is a nice bloke. I frequently want to hit him over the head with something blunt, but he is nice.

Maddening, but fundamentally nice.

And he respects me as a separate, funcitioning, human being with a job and friends of my own. I don't have to live in his shadow - and that means I can actually like him more.

Also he does his share of the housework.

Oh yes, every time I do any kind of housework, DH notices and thanks me. And I do the same for him. (Ahem, as you can probably tell, our house isn't exactly spotless)

My soon-to-be DH. I knew him for a few years before we got together, which helped!
He's kind, endlessly kind. He'd do anything for me and putting me first seems to come naturally. He is never anything other than sweetly even-tempered towards me. He works his arse off (very long hours in his line of work) without complaint, he's always so reasonable, positive and mature.
He's ten months younger than me and sometimes makes me feel like a total child in terms of my own maturity!
He only wanted us to have sex when I was ready.
His parents were teenage sweethearts and are still very happily together in their sixties so he's had a great role model for a happy relationship.
I've made him sound a bit vomit inducing actually. He's got a fantastically sarky streak and a bile-black sense of humour.

The thing a couple of people have mentioned about having to initiate sex - I agree, this is a very good sign - as long as the spark is there and the sex is good when it eventually happens. Never settle for a good bloke who doesn't do it for you, it'll end in tears.

My dh is a sweetheart, we have been together for 15 years and he is the kindest, sweetest man. When i married him, i knew i had a good un.
As others have also said,he doesn't have a bad word to say about anyone, he is a loyal friend and wonderful father.
He is more of a son to my mum than my own brother. I do feel very fortunate, and even though he doesn't do enough housework, he does try.
I adore him

Now my DH has an appalling track record. 2 ex-wives, children, a drug habit, patchy work record. I have known him 20 years and we have been together about 10. He did a degree in his early 40s and totally turned his life around.

The man I married and had a child with is NOT the man I first met in 1989. He has a professional career and a flash car. He is caring, a wonderful father, good around the house. He is not perfect by any means, but our life is generally pretty good.

You know what, I think I had a lot to do with this. I "grounded" him and taught him that certain things weren't on. He had lived the life of riley with many sisters and thought the sun shone out of his arse before.

I got him a job when he needed one, and believed in him and encouraged him and supported him. And he has done the same for me. And flash car or no, I will still tell him if I think he is out of order.

I have one too

He is perfect, maybe not to anyone else but he's perfect for me. There isn't a bad thing I can say about him

We have been together 10+ years, and he adores me (as I do him). He has never said a single bad word to me, he is endlessly supportive, charming, funny, he would do anything for me and the children

It's hard to put down in one post quite how amazing he is and how happy we are, I could give a million examples of the things he's done that make me feel like the most important and loved person in the world, it's actions as much as words- actually while I've been typing this he's just popped into the bedroom where I'm laying in bed to give me a kiss a coffee and a chocolate muffin, before going back out to bath the children and put them to bed

So that would be my tip for spotting a good 'un, the things they do rather than the things they say, it's so easy to say all the right things 'I love you' 'you mean everything to me' 'I can't live without you' but if the way they are actually behaving doesn't back that up then run for the hills

yes, I have two! Years and years without, and then two come along at once...it's shangri la.

He was sweet and kind and intelligent.
He really made an effort with my parents and siblings and my friends too.
Very generous in bed and made me breakfast in bed a lot
Very funny
Respected women, treated me as an equal, not someone to be wrapped in cotton wool.