does anyone have a nice male partner ?

[Lemonstartree]

and how did you know that ? what signs sere there in the beginning that he was basically a decent bloke - you know, not an abuser, likely to be faithful etc etc....

There are SO many hurt women out there, and in such miserable relationships.... surely there are SOME people who are really happy with their partner (in a a long term kind of way - not that first rush of love)

To add no. 75, my DH is lovely. We were best friends before we got together, so I had plenty of time to realise how wonderful he was.

There are times when we have both been horrible but we [eventually] realised that you reap what you sow and if we work together, take care of each other we are happier. Or rather I stopped being an arse and making him unhappy, which was making him act like an arse.

Not sure what the signs were but what still impresses me after all these years is

• he has a clear sense of himself and of right and wrong. I don't worry about him making bad choices that affect him or our family. (i don't mean in that smug, he won't stray way - just that he is never swayed from his own values)
• he makes me laugh and makes me feel like i'm a top comedian
• he knows when to hold my hand and when to tell me to pull myself together (normally before I know which I need)
• I once found a list of things he could buy me for Xmas and birthdays - it was a carefully and thoughtfully put together list of things that he had picked up on, even finding my favourite chocolate bar from when I lived overseas
• the respect he has from his friends (in fact in a very bad patch this really pulled me up from painting him as the bad guy - I saw him through their eyes and realised I was an arse)
• he is kind, clever, thoughtful, honest and he knows he better than i know myself. In fact we have even named the facial expression which expresses just this sentiment (its used a lot!!).

And most importantly (for me) I feel safe with him. My heart, my home, my mind and our family are safe with him.

I think you're right, first you need to value yourself.
I didn't think I would ever meet anyone that would gladly accept me and three ASD children.
The first time he met the children I heard Elliot say.. You'd make a great step father I then heard his reply... Why thankyou, I think you'd make a great step son.
My DP has been very understanding about my DH and he's not at all put out by me having DHs photos on the walls or the fact that I still love DH as he knows that I love him too. He is more than happy to talk with my kids about how great their dad was and how much they miss him.
There are many reasons that I love him.

Part of it is about respect isn't it. You have to respect yourself - as being worth a lot - and respect you partner as worth a lot too - but not 'more worth it' than you are.

My StBExH is not my equal, intellectually, practically, financially, emotionally, or in any other way really. At the end of out 9 year marriage I didn't respect him at all. At the start I dont think I respected myself enough to recognise that I was worth a man as nice as some of you have. A man worthy of my respect and love. ( StBExH is also an alcoholic, drug addict and abuser)

I am not lonely. I am very busy and have 3 lovely kids and a FT job. I enjoy the small amount of solitude I get. But I do want to use this time alone to do some work on myself and try to increase the chance of finding a nice bloke next time! I don't know very many people I could really ask questions like this, and i think the opinions of women who have managed to achieve what I have not are interesting and pertinent.

Thanks

Just wanted to say how nice it was to read this thread. Thanks!

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I love him to bits. He is better with dd than I am, splits all housework/childcare etc 50 50 if not more on his side so I can have a break. Never fails to ring if I need him, rings every night while we are away, makes me feel like the most beautiful lady on earth despite seeing me in some very foul situations, and he is just so fab to be around that I miss him while at work!

After having a whole raft of nasty men before him I will never stop being amazed at how fab he is, I am so grateful to have him.

And I also think you have to be able to appreciate their fabness, and they have to appreciate yours. If you do not appreciate the little things they do then neither of you will be happy, and you cannot see the big things that they do. I was absolutely flat out when I met him, so was very resentful of losing the little bit of spare time I had. Once I finally got my thick skull around that fact he could help instead of hinder me then it was perfect

Absolutely. I knew from the start he was different, we were a bit older than some when we first met, I guess (30ish) and both very happy and settled with our lives when we met one another.

He is just so calm and calming. We hold the same values and enjoy one another's company. He could be a bit childish (sulking and the like) when we first had DC but I soon beat talked that out of him and he is a pretty fine specimen of a man now, even got better with age if anything.

Not sure he would say the same about me :o

Mine is a good one too.

It tickles me that everyone thinks I must have married him for his brains, kindness etc & probably no-one guesses what a demon he is in bed

Early signs - he noticed what people needed and got it for them/did it for them before they asked;

My sisters' kids loved him and he understood quickly what would make them laugh;

He didn't push me but had no qualms about making a firm commitment himself (and has never wavered in his devotion)

My DH is a decent, good man (and sexy too!). I simply had a hunch about him when we first met. He liked cooking, did his own laundry and ironing, cleaned his own flat which was never cluttered, was really nice to his mum and siblings, could hold great conversations about politics etc, liked going to art galleries and museums on his own, had a good selection of friends (even though he wasn't particularly sociable). I thought he was very self-contained and independent and had a hunch this wouldn't change through marriage (I was right, thankfully).

And I also liked it that he wined and dined me and dated me properly before we proposed. He was and is a generous man.

Oh yes, and the sex was (is) terrific :-)

He has a short temper and can get really stressed quickly if he's tired, but I can cope with this as I'm like this too. We talk about it if we both start sniping at each other.

When DD came along I knew I'd bagged a winner when he got up at night to tend to her, when he looked after her entire weekends when I needed to get away for a break to my parents, he cleans and washes after her still even though he works 50+ hour weeks.

Oh yes, and when I first started dating him I liked the fact that he loved spending time with his young nieces and nephews or our friends' kids - just got down on the floor and played with them. I was never maternal/broody and wasn't bothered about having kids but when I saw him I thought, "I wouldn't mind having kids with this man".

I have a lovely one. He can be grumpy sometimes but gives wonderful hugs, weeps at soppy films, cooks a mean Sunday roast, loves his mum (and me!) and is great with kids. I reckon he's a keeper.

My DH is lovely! Been together 9 years, known him for 12 years. I fell in love with him because he was such a nice person, so thoughtful, really unassuming, very funny, interesting, very smart (but unassuming with it) and very popular with his friends, colleagues and family. I had to make the first move on him as he was very gentlemanly. :)

How to spot a decent bloke. The Gospel According to AnnieLobeseder.

1. Get him drunk. Is he: a) a bolshy drunk? b) an aggresive drunk? c) a lovey-dovey ("you're my BESHT mate, I love you so mushhhhhhh")

You want option (c). I am of the opinion that people's true natures come out when they're drunk, and I have seldom been wrong. My DH is definitely a (c)! He can't tell me enough how much he loves me when he's had a few!

2. How does he treat his mother? a) with love and respect b) loves her but still expects her to tend to his every need c) is rude and dismissive of her

This time, you want (a). However a man treats his mother, he will treat you. Don't for a minute believe otherwise. And he will expect you to behave like her - if she is a doormat to him, run, run like the wind.

3. Can he cook, wash, hoover, change a nappy etc. Or even if he can't, is he willing to learn to do with an equal split of housework and childcare.

Choose a man following the Gospel According to AnnieLobeseder and you will find a good 'un! The key word to remember in any relationship is RESPECT! If it is lacking at any level, there is a problem.

my mum has let me post here as we are watching the X-Factor!!!!
I think me Dad is pretty handsome my mum probably thinks this too and yes my mum has a nice male partner!! '-)

Love From,
Daisy(Age 10)

I'm going to add to the Gospel According to Annie.

When you go out, how does he treat the waitress?

a) rude and dismissive
b) letching at her
c) friendly and considerate to her, but with his attention focused on you.

nope

Mine is absolutely wonderful-a dear sweet loving man whose first wife had left him and her children.As he says 'love is always a leap of faith'many have trusted real rotters and been badly hurt.I thin only time tells bu I never had a moments doubt about dh and have not a single regret.

that should be 'think' and 'but' obviously

I do, signs were he was/is lovely generous funny and kind and everyone who appeared to know him said aww hes "dead canny", he said nice things about his famliy also. He was a bit shy with the touchy feely stuff and i also had to jump him to "move things along" . i dont 14 yrs on though hes like a permanent randy dog

Mine's a good 'un too.

He respects me considers, me his equal, enables me to amke my choices and supports me in them.

He was the one who chose me and waitied for me to feel comfortable with him.

We share common goals, we laugh and despite the tough times we always try and work out a way to tell one another we're there for each other.

I trust him implicitly.

He also drives me nuts at times with his stubbornness and his quiet moments but we all have our flaws don't we.