The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Players and Supporters Bus

[venusandmars]

Hi I am venus and I am an alcoholic.

Thanks to the first thread by Jesuswhatnow I have not had a drink for a long time.

There are lots of us on here, please lurk, post, whatever does it for you. If you are worried about how much you drink and your inability to stop when you want to, then someone on here can probably understand.

Palpitations are just as bad although I am less shaky. I feel like I'm on the edge of full blown panic attack and that when I eventually have the conversation with DP it's going to send me over the edge. I hope they will help me and not judge me.

noteven the Doctor should reassure you, remember you are tackling flu at present as well as detoxing. I really hope and prayer that they will be the support you need this morning. I hope too that your DP, although maybe shocked, will also be able to help you.
Christiana hope you got some sleep - but what a friend you have been to noteven during the night. Hope DD is improving and that your DH is getting the help he needs.
Off to make tea now.
Wasindie - good morning, and morning to anyone else up.

How are you after your difficult day on Friday wasindie? My appointment is at 9. Later I am going to blitz the house and maybe take DD to the Disney shop (overcompensating perhaps). At the risk of sounding like an over the top Oscars speech, you ladies and MIFLAW have saved my sanity in the last few days, and possibly even my life. Thank you.

Good morning White, Wasindie and noteven, you must be at the doctor's by now. I'm so pleased you've gone and hope that you'll get all the help you need with de-toxing.

I can't tell you how glad I am that the wobble I had last night didn't lead to a drink. Just trying to deal with the craving minute by minute seemed to work and then of course it subsided. Won't be drinking today.

Good morning Dipso. The fact that the craving does subside is always a surprise to me as it seems so strong. The sense of relief that I have ridden it out is great and I do now enjoy the fact that I will, as today, be waking up with a clear head.
RWhites - saw that you were also up supporting noteven. How are you today? Have you begun to decide how you want to address your drinking?

Noteven - your last post felt so much more positive. Hope all went well at doctor's and I am sure DD will enjoy a spot of retail therapy! Be gentle with yourself today - the bus is here for support and encouragement and friendship (and the odd smutty moment!)

Morning! I too hope that noteven got to the doctor ok this morning.

Thanks for query white. This probably sounds pathetic but I am going to start addressing it by not getting going with a drink at lunchtime. I am going to try my damndest not to go anywhere near a drink until the evening. And maybe when that time comes see if I can not have one then either. I want to see if I can do it and to see if I start really needing a drink at lunchtime. I don't really know if I will or not.

That step alone will be a first for me - ie deliberately not drinking when there is nothing really to stop me.

I can't go cold turkey. I have never got the sweats or shakes like poor noteven when I have not beenm able to drink (say when I was working in the old days and drinking never crossed my mind as I simply could not be even slightly tipsy and work) but those days were four years ago, and I always made up for it when i got home from work.

Don't know if that mnakes any sense.

Since i stopped working in my previous career my drinking has certainly rocketed.

morning all!!

im so sorry, i never seem to be here when someone is having a crisis - noteven - you are doing so well and tbh, i think that if your dp does finish with you over all this then maybe he was not the one for you anyway!, right now you need people in your life who are totally supportive and recognise that you are doing your best for yourself and your dd!, hope the docs went ok?

rwhites - nice to meet you! just take it an hour at a time - each hour you stay sober soon adds up to day!

dont worry wasindi - tbh, you only posted half of what i was thinking!! (strokes baseball bat!! )

They wouldn't give me anything. I saw a wonderful nurse practitioner and then a GP who said they don't do detoxing and most GPs won't, it's better to cut down gradually (like that's easy to do) and I shouldn't just have stopped.

I feel so incredibly stressed by everything, I need to blitz the house and was banking on feeling ok. These palpitations are awful.

DP has not been in touch either ia e-mail or text. I am sure you are right jwn that I need people who care for me regardless, so it's totally his choice. He just seemed different, we'd introduced the children, he was at my sister's wedding, etc... I just want to feel normal - I am on the edge of a real panic attack.

noteven - take a deep breath..and another..and another...tell yourself how well you are doing and hang in there.
We are going to Northumberland tomorrow on Gerald...you've got get yourself organised woman - you'll need warm clothes, wellies and bags of money for buying arty crafty christmas presents.
My aim for today is to get to bed time without killing DH....

noteven If you feel up to it, why not try to tackle some jobs around the house. When I feel overwhelmed (and being a bit OCD) I try to tackle a task for 5 minutes, say tidying a bedroom and making the bed, washing up, putting the rubbish out then have 5 mins doing something like mumsnet or watch TV or read or look at a recipe or [fill in your own likes]. You have flu too so paracetamol for the fever, fluids for the dehydration, chocolate (because that always works) and a plan for very simple meals for you and DD for lunch and dinner. I would agree that if DP doesn't come through for you then he isn't 'the one' but I so hope that he does.
RWhites - sounds like a plan to me. Good luck and do stay on the bus, especially if the plan is challenging you.
Hi to Wasindie, JWN and Dipso and anyone else around today.

noteven - I honestly cannot believe the bad luck you are having - make an appointment with your regular GP and they can put you in touch with local CAT team who will oversee a home de-tox on librium - 7 to 10 days of reducing medication to get you through the worst of stopping drinking and they come and visit you every day - they should be able to help with some kind of child care arrangements to enable you to attend AA meetings. You are so unbelievably brave woman, to keep getting knocked back and yet you are still sober. Thinking about that you may not need medication as you should be through the worst of it by now BUT you need practical support to be able to go to AA. Go and explain your situation to GP and I am sure they will do every thing they can to help. Remember you are ill with flu and it is a serious illness - that is probably what is causing the palpitations etc and it will pass xxx

Do you know, a trip out with you all to buy arty crafty Christmas presents sound bliss. You guys are so amazing, I can't breathe...

That sounded connected - it wasn't meant to. You are amazing.

But seperately, I also feel like I can't breathe. Or see for crying.

noteven

I second everything Silver said. I'm really surprised that a doctor just sent you away with nothing at all to help.

'We don't do detox'? That's awful. You really are having some bad luck trying to seek help. I hope that changes soon.

If DP is worth his weight in gold, he will support you in this. If not, then you are better off with people who do want to help you. Do you have anyone close that you can talk to in RL?

Morning Silver how's Gerald looking this morning?
noteven can you sit with DD and read a favourite book - sharing the story. It will help with your breathing and you need some human contact I think.

noteven - try and calm down. Can you busy yourself with a DVD or a book for a while. Balls to the housework, you are not well.

You need to rest.

noteven, as Silver said, I think you're amazing for perservering despite all the knock-backs you've had. I don't think it was helpful in the slightest for the doctor to say you shouldn't have stopped completely, just cut down. They might as well have said: " go have a few drinks, that'll make you feel better!" Unbelievable!

You've got through the hardest part and if you've done this whilst battling 'flu, you know that you can do this. I agree with Silver that you need to see your own GP now.I just wish you could see him right this minute!

We're all here and thinking of you. X

noteven - today, just forget the housework!, you can do all that when you feel better physically - no one is going to worry if you havent hoovered for a few days!, today just make sure you have some simple warming foods and a place to sit and relax with dd - tbh, a few days of her watching tv during waking hours really dosnet matter - what you are doing now is building the future!!, you can tackle everything else when you feel well enough - i would also advise not having 'deep and meaningful' convos with dp right now - you are too fragile to make big decisions or even make a great deal of sense, either to him or yourself - just treat yourself gently, an hour at a time, and everything will work itself out!

Just checking in to say hi. noteven you are a star.

I have to be offline for a few days, but am thinking of you all.

I read a few posts back that you were not allowed into AA meeting with child. I found this abominable.

I was in your situ many years ago with FOUR children (tho a bit older) and younger one was not of age to be left so i took him to meetings with me.

He still talks about it and he is now almost 30. He remembers his mum getting help and how grateful he was for this.

I would contact AA again and ask for contact numbers for local meetings and give them a call and see if they would allow you to take your DD with you. There is nothing lost with making a call. In some cases with me 'closed meetings' were 'opened' when I could not manage to go to meetings myself and had to take my sis with me.

It is many years down the line for me and I am so grateful for the understanding the ppl in AA gave me.

Reading the posts here has brought so much back for me and I want to thank you all. If I can help anyone in any way please ask.

ETT that's exactly what he said. That I should have a bottle of wine today and tomorrow, then a couple of glasses the next few days, before trying to stop. He said every experienced GP would say the same. I can't do that though. But I am scared of feeling worse.

We are snuggling doing a writing book - her strange preferred way of passing the time! I am lucky to have a little bright spark.

We move house in a week and DP was supposed to be helping. I feel so so frightened. Have internet in the background with DD as main focus. Palpitations still bad. Am wondering about A+E and ringing AA back.