I know it's only Tuesday but some advice on Orgasms

[abitembarrased]

Ok, name changed for obvious reasons. I'm 43 and have had a happy and fullfilling sex life with my DH of 20 years, but have never had an orgasm before (apart from one once which I had whilst in a dream and which was so strong it woke me up.)

Prompted by some threads on here I decided to take charge of things myself and bought myself something.

I have been experimenting with it for a week or two and have managed to come a couple of times. However it normally lasts for 2 or 3 pulses and then it is too sensitive to continue.

Not being very experienced - (my DH is my only partner), is this it or should it last longer? The one in my dream seemed to last a lot longer - 10 or twelve pulses. If I continue with it, would I come again, or is the sensitivity a way of getting me to stop? I'm not sure if I'm pulling back just at the point it starts to get interesting.

Sorry to have name changed but I'm not very forthright about such matters, and if my DH read this, I don't want him to think that I'm unhappy with our sex life, I just want to get as much out of it as I can.

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If you've found this page in your search of orgasm gels and orgasm lubes that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best orgasm gels useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

No idea but well done you for taking charge.

any article you read will tell you to practice practice practice. the more you practice the better you become and the easier it is to do so.

you can have a vaginal and a clitoral orgasm - or both. vaginal (i've read somewhere) is less common than clitoral.

this might be the beginning of great things.

There isn't really a right answer here, as everyone and every situation is different. You'll feel different sensations at different times, depending on time of the month, time of day, how you feel physically and so on..!

Maybe have a quick break once you've felt the first pulses and then continue with it. If you can, adjust the setting. I think toys can make things almost painfully sensitive sometimes, it's a matter of being relaxed and just going with how your body feels.

Good luck!!

It depends what you're using - a clitoral stimulator alone may give you a strong intense orgasm that's actually too intense, hence the oversensitivity.

It could be worth trying just your hand/fingers to give you a bit more control over the intensity.

Thanks, have to admit I'm actually looking forward to the practice!

I'll have to admit, just hands / fingers don't seem to do it for me, which is why I bought the rabbit. My DH and I have both tried lots of times with fingers / hands and whilst very pleasurable it never seemed to be enough.

Intimate question, but do you have anything in your vagina while using a vibrator?

I always find orgasms far stronger when being stimulated internally as well as clitorally , vibrator induced orgasms seem shorter and sharper than other kinds too.

I think it's case of practice makes perfect, if your DH is put out by you pulling out a vibrator then gently explain that it's not his technique at fault ( assuming he does try hard and listen to what you like) get him to use a vibe on you while he's inside you, when he feels your orgasm he won't be complaining.

He needs to understand that a lot of women can only orgasm with the help of a vibrator, he will want you to have the best sex you can, won't he?

Can highly recommend the Durex pleasure ring too, which will enable your DH to join in the practising too! Superdrug sell them next to the lube and other bits so no need to set foot in Ann Summers (unless you want to!)

Malificence,

yes I have something inside me. Unfortunately I don't quite have the right vocabulary! The long bit of the rabbit is inside and the pointy bit is massaging my clitoris. The only way I can come is when it is on it's most powerful setting, and the long bit is on rotate.

I don't think my DH would mind me using it, I just think it would get in the way when he's inside me?? Perhaps I need to buy something a bit smaller for using together.

Like its been said before - practice, practice, practice and have fun doing so.

Also stated above is the fact that you can have vaginal and clitoral orgasms.

To the best of my knowledge it is detailed somewhere that 75% of women DO NOT orgasm with penetrative sex or with a toy for the same purpose (Im actually sure 20% of the other 25% are lying joking - about the lying but Im sure its true.

Do not be fooled by the size of the toy either. Like the old adage - biggest isnt always best !

For female pleasuring (such a much more polite word than masturbating but thats wot it is) I have always found that the small hard toys are the best and they 'get to the right spots'.

It is best to build up slowly and think of something that you may fantasise about or something that turns you on (im defo not giving you any ideas on here as it may give away my secrets).

The sensitivity may just be a little nerve that you have touched.

As stated earlier, practice makes perfect so have a look on the ann summers website and see if there is one there that takes your fancy.

From a personal point of view I have had thousands of beautiful clitoral orgasms but never had a vaginal one (the case in most women) and I dont feel I've missed out.

By the way, they work well at the end of a man's *** too so go on treat your man too, he can have a very strong orgasm too.

Apart from all my personal info here I worked for Ann Summers for almost 10 years and the amount of info I picked up was invaluable.

Hope it has helped you out. Have fun and come back and tell us how you got on. (Or send me a PM if you want to ask anything else).

Just read your note re the rabbit and as far as im concerned that one is WAY WAY overrated and one of the worst vibes ever created. You can get a toy that is far cheaper and gives you ten times the orgasm. BTW make sure you have good batteries.

Personally, I have four AA batteries 'on charge' permanently ROFL.

Good Luck !!

What;s an orgasm?

Anothermumonhere

Thanks, any recommendations for something small and hard (I can't believe I wrote that!).

Also anyone any suggestions for female erotic literature to get me in the mood. I did look on the net, but it all seemed a bit extreme and male.

Thanks to everyone for your help.

Buy a toy and find out.

You can get a 'bullet' vibrator at any toystore - try www.lovehoney.com as they have a wide variety to look at and it's online.

The vibe known as lady finger is a good one mainly but again depends on brand. Like I said the smaller hard ones make it easier to 'get the spot'

I havent looked at ann summers of late but I know they do carry a lot of good ones.

Its always learning 'how to use it' too that helps.

If you lightly run it up and down 'the area' and slowly build up the strength you are putting on 'the area' until you feel the difference. And boy will you know when that has happened.

As mentioned previously too, once you have orgasmed once, dont just give up, give it 30 seconds or so and go again. ROFL. There is lots of pleasure to be had.

My personal record (to date only - Im still practicing) is 21 orgasms in one go. Ok Im a greedy bitch - perhaps i should change my name too.

If you google 'erotic stories' you should come up with something, its as simple as that.

It's an oldie, but Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden and Women On Top are female-centred erotica.

I like the bullet. My rabbit went in the bin TBH. It sounds like you are kind of getting the hang of orgasms, and yes, they do vary in intensity. I think you need to keep practising :) Please do come over to the TSA thread, we can recommend lots of female friendly porn erotic fiction! Ok it might be vaguley twilight themed but please don't let that out you off. Also I FLOVE these books, ok I'm a vampire slut fan but they are proper porny but plotty at the same time.

Dont feel ashamed or embarrassed about using a toy. I use them and my DH uses them on me too. Its the only way I can orgasm! He has tried to make me but im his first (bless him) so he doesnt have much experience, and it just doesnt work for me.

I have a Rabbit and to be honest, if its me on my own then I dont rate it much )maybe I have the wrong one?), but its good when DH uses it on me. You just have to experiment with different things and techniques.

Will be off to Anne Summers again then! With the books, is there any way I can buy them but similar titles don't keep popping up as recommendations on Amazon if others use my computer??

abitembarrased sites like google dont 'remember' what you have googled for which is good, ie it doesnt give away anything that you have previously searched for (dont tell the men or they will be googling all the porn they can).

I dont know if amazon or similar sites are the same. Google the name of the book and it may show up cheapest way of buying what you are looking for.

I remember many years ago that i would not go near Google, now it is my home page. Im the only one that uses my lappy anyway.

Hope you find some literature.

can i just say electric toothbrush...not the bristle bit. you need a bit of lube - read about it years ago and have never looked back...just make sure you don't get the heads mixed up, or do what i did and buy a 'bedroom only' one top tip - don't buy a cheap one maybe an oral b (no pun intended)

there is a way of switching off recommendations for amazon, I remember doing it once with something - not for as interesting a reason though!!

Have sent you a message but also try looking at bluebella.com as the company is linked with lovehoney.