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Original poster

Do you ever get over your first love?!

77 replies

lollypoplady · 12/11/2010 14:22

When I was 20 til 22 I had a boyfriend, we were engaged and although I'd had long-ish relationships before him it was the first time I'd been in love. He treated me pretty badly and we finally broke up - his decidion - I was absolutely devastated, it took me about 5 years to get over him. I am now 30 and very happily married, I love my amazing husband in ways I never loved my ex but I still think about/dream about my ex a lot and feel I am still in love with him in a strange way, is this normal?!

OP posts:
2rebecca · 12/11/2010 14:25

yes, but I dumped mine. Some people take longer to get over being dumped and the first bit seems irrelevent to me.

higgle · 12/11/2010 15:41

Mine was very unfortunately killed in a climbing accident. We had been together for 3 years, friends for another two and seemed to be rekindling things when it happened, over 30 years ago. I still think about him most days and often dream about him and his family. He was an only child and his parents are dead now, so it is only me really that can acknowledge that he ever existed.

BertieBotts · 12/11/2010 15:48

Sorry to hear that higgle, that must be really hard :(

It took me a lot longer than I thought it would to get over my first love. We were only together for around a year and I dumped him, but it took me around another 3-4 years to get over him - I only really got over him after I'd finished with XP, the second bloke I'd seen since him and the most "serious" relationship I've ever had - we lived together and have a child together. I don't know whether getting out of the situation with XP helped me get over my first love but it definitely happened around that time. I can now look at pictures of him and feel nothing, etc.

ItsGraceAgain · 12/11/2010 15:48

I met up with mine, decades & divorces later. He's still a very nice man, and remarkably good-looking - but there was no attraction. It was quite an odd night: I think we'd both been carrying a small torch for each other without realising the flames had gone out!

Mind you, my first real passion died of a heroin overdose at 28 - glad that one went wrong before I needed to deal with his reality :(

phipps · 12/11/2010 18:26

I never have. He hasn't got over me either. Happy with DH though.

xkittyx · 12/11/2010 18:42

I definately have. My taste was dreadful when I was younger.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 12/11/2010 18:44

God yes. Although we do exchange emails etc he was a total jackass of a boyfriend.

DH is lovely. Phew

TrinityTheTwattyRhino · 12/11/2010 18:45

first boyfriend - yes, that wasn't love

first love - no will never stop loving him or get over his death

HelenaRose · 12/11/2010 19:26

First loves are so hard. We were together for nearly four years, he was abusive, I left him. I realised/accepted afterwards that I had been raped and started to get counselling, but my feelings towards him are still mixed sometimes. I get confused as to the man I loved and the man who hurt me, even though they are the same man.

FoxyRevenger · 12/11/2010 19:47

For me, no. But then I stayed best friends with mine so wasn't ever able to get any distance.

Oh, then we got back together after nine years, got married and now have a baby Grin

I always always always knew we were meant to be together.

ForMashGetSmash · 12/11/2010 19:55

I think about mine too, we split up and both met someone else...then decded we wanted to be together after all...then his girlfriend announced she was pregnant! I had to get over it fast.

I did...met DH...fell in love...but I still think of 1st love a lot...he and his GF split up a year after their DC was born...she left him for someone else...terrible....

I sometimes think that one day....we will get together...probably when we are old. Is that terrible? I love DH but think there's an unfinished relationship with the 1st love. And I know he feels the same.

FoxyRevenger · 12/11/2010 19:57

ForMash that's kinda how I felt. My worst fear was us having to attend each other's weddings. I was worried we'd never find a window where we were both available.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 12/11/2010 20:00

Mine was a total badboy with not much going for him really. He lived by the seat of his pants and I found it all terribly exciting.

He slept with my friend behind my back and smoked drugs and even robbed his own house, but for some reason I was besotted.

This was back when I was 15. I am 27 now.

I can imagine his lovely rugged face and cheeky grin in my head right now and it makes me mushy Hmm yet I am totally in love with DH.

Mumcentreplus · 12/11/2010 20:10

Nope...we split up I left him intially and then he left me, it all went pear-shaped but we just couldn't stay apart..then we got back together and now we are married..

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 12/11/2010 20:14

Trinity....unMN hugsxxxx

No, I still think of him.

TrinityTheTwattyRhino · 12/11/2010 20:20

thanks posie

sorry to everyone for still posting about it
I could just pass the thread or just say no...

ForMashGetSmash · 12/11/2010 20:31

Foxy I had to met his girlriend and baby though! He brought them round to my Mums! It was shocking...not sure why he did it...it was another part of not letting go...wanting each other to beivolved still. She just sat there bless her.

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 12/11/2010 20:47

Never apologise for grabbing an opportunity to tell the word about the man you loved so much.

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 12/11/2010 20:47

world not word

WhatWouldMadonnaDo · 12/11/2010 20:57

My worst fear was us having to attend each other's weddings. I was worried we'd never find a window where we were both available

Oooh this is where I'm at right now. I've had to step back from our friendship for a while but miss him terribly.

I'm glad that it all worked out for you Foxy, and hope to be so lucky.

And don't you dare apologise Trinity! It's when you stop mentioning him that you'll be getting a stern talking to :)

moocowme · 13/11/2010 09:59

no never. its been 25 years now. we still see each other. we still try to be fiends. we are married to other people and have our own families. we are not having an affair and dont intend to. we just cant seem to say goodbye.

xkittyx · 13/11/2010 11:02

I don't mean this in a having a go way but I'm a little sorry for the husbands of any of you who still feel love/unfinished business about your first boyfriends. Would you not be devastated if your DHs for example thought they'd still get back together with their exes?
Just to give a different perspective - with my current DP (DH in a few months!) I feel like every bit of in-love feelings I had before for anyone else, was really meant for him but I was just looking in the wrong places and hadn't found him yet.

RealityBomb · 13/11/2010 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Constance39 · 13/11/2010 11:09

I think it's totally normal to carry the love you felt for various people in your heart.

What would life be without these people, sometimes they are not with us for long, but it doesn't devalue what passes between us, the love and experiences and learning.

I still think about the first boy I ever loved, and the guy I never felt quite allowed to love though I lived with him for a year...and the first man I slept with, whom I still love beyond measure for some reason...and the man I am falling in love with now, whom I've known for 22 years.

All of them are relevant. I've changed and I've also stayed the same... these people are the story of my life.

xkittyx · 13/11/2010 11:16

Snap RealityBomb!
I really don't feel like I carry my ex-relationships in my heart, yes they were part of my life journey, but for example the first guy I lived with.... well it just seems like an awfully long time ago, another life almost. I wish him all the best, nice guy, but that's it really. One after that - he was a shit and I carry no fond feelings at all for the bugger, and this after almost five years together.
First guy I slept with - god I was heart-broken when it went wrong, and I look back now and think my god we had nothing in common, would have hated to have ended up with him.
I met the right man when I was mature enough to appreciate him, I think.