Do you ever get over your first love?!

[lollypoplady]

When I was 20 til 22 I had a boyfriend, we were engaged and although I'd had long-ish relationships before him it was the first time I'd been in love. He treated me pretty badly and we finally broke up - his decidion - I was absolutely devastated, it took me about 5 years to get over him. I am now 30 and very happily married, I love my amazing husband in ways I never loved my ex but I still think about/dream about my ex a lot and feel I am still in love with him in a strange way, is this normal?!

I met my first boyfriend was I was 15. We went through a lot together, including the sudden death of his father, which we both witnessed. We did a lot of growing up, very quickly that year (he was 18) and by the time I was 17 we were living together, both working full time and supporting his mum and younger brother. We did this until I was 21 and he cheated on me. I spent the next 6 months drunk and thought about him every single day for the next 10 years, including all through my first marriage/baby.

I then my DH 7 years ago and can honestly say I never think about my first boyfriend in that way anymore. I sometimes, very rarely, think of his family as I was very close to them and seeing his father die has definitely left a lasting memory.

I'm happy now and have been for the past 7 years, before then I used to day dream about us getting back together.

I don't see it as 'the right one' though - I see it as a continuum, a progression. You possibly - probably thought that the git was the right one at the time.

Most of us continue to grow emotionally and I don't think the people we do this with can be dismissed as a waste of time.

But I am glad you feel the one you're with now is right for you. That's really important.

my first love (as in not mere infatuation with a good looking lad) was a super nice guy. I have never met such a nice person since.

I am over it, we broke up because I went overseas to do my own thing when he was still studying. It was my fault that it ended. I chose to end it because I was wrapped up in my own plans for the great exciting life I thought I had ahead of me. How wrong can you get?!

Sometimes I wonder how he is but I left it behind me.

I can see though that when you do meet someone really important to you, the ones you were with before lose their relevance.

I agree with that.

When I met my first lover, I stopped worrying so much about the relationships I'd had before, that didn't feel so 'right'.

and then, after him, I still worry about why it went wrong - until I suppose the next relationship that supercedes him and makes it all seem rather immature and silly.

It's like someone comes along and 'makes sense' of everything that went before.

No :(

In my case there are 3.. One of them I still see occasionally (like once every 3 years) and have his mobile no. (I dumped him, if that's relevant). He came to my wedding and to the christening of DC3.

The other 2 dumped me, and I haven't seen either for almost 30 years, but I do still think about them sometimes, and wondered what happened to them. My first actual love (we were 15) has been married and divorced twice, and had a child with a third woman- this much I know from Friends Reunited- so perhaps I had a lucky escape there

DH knows about all of them. It used to bother him in the early days but as I explained to him then had there been anything there worth having I'd have been with number 2 and not him.

Think you do get over them but it leaves a real scar on your heart. My first love went off with my best mate 12 years ago, needless to say I lost them both and it was heartbreaking. Don't laugh but I even had hypnotherapy to get over him as it really affected my willingness to get into another serious relationship rather than just us 'em up and spit 'em out.

Funnily enough, out of the blue, he asked me to be his friend on FB last night - er I think not!! Although I'd like him to see the fabulous photos of my gorgeous DH and DD!! How childish of me!

Not entirely until I met DP I don't think but now yes, 100%. We actually spent a bit of time together last year (harmless - a few drinks as were both in our home time for a couple of months) and I realised just what a lovely person he is but how there is no way on God's earth I could ever see him that way again. It also rammed home how great relationship with DP is.

In response to you, xkittyx, I see what you are saying but my feelings for my first love have no effect on my feelings for my husband. I still give my marriage 100%. DH knows how I feel felt and has banned me from being with anyone after his death. I have told him he must meet someone else as I don't want him grieving forever and being unhappy. (I know not the point of the thread but it just typed itself).

I have 2 the first I had no relationship with but loved from afar for 15 years, we met 2 years ago and I almost left my DH for him (long story) I'm so glad I didn't the man is 100% bad news. so yes I am now over him he is an arse!

The second I was with for 2 years, we split due to circumstance and although I don't love him anymore I will always always have a soft spot for him!

I married someone purely on the rebound from my first love who broke my heart. Fortunately ex dh wasn't suprised or devastated when I asked for divorce, but it wasn't until I met my 2nd dh that I truly understood how many years I had wasted longing for a man who was basically a lazy twat who didn't bath often enough. Just feel angry at wasting mine and 1st dh's time because I couldn't see first love for who he really was.

My first love will always have a place in my heart, infact when things are going abit crap with dh I often think he was the one I should have been with and the one that got away.

When you love someone deeply and then they leave your lives, do you ever really get ovet it? Not sure i ever will, still think about him alot and it is now over 13 years ago..

He phoned me out of the blue and said hearing my voice really took hom back to the past..we wanted to meet but he got cold feet!

Will always wonder why (we both have families but I would have given anything to see him again...)

I guess its for the best though -unfinished business and all that

My first love I have a strange pull towards he was never good for me and we did lots of things we should not do!

He was alot older and more experienced but apparently I was the 1st to break his heart and it still we speak twice a year on our birthdays and my heart flutters every time I think of him and I dont even have a photo.

Now VERY happily married with my DH for 10 years and 14 weeks pregnant but not sure how to tell him on Dec 3rd.

I was going to start a thread on this very topic!

I sill love my first boyfriend, and I have always regretted ending our relationship. I do love DH, but if I'm completely honest, there is a part of me that thinks I should have been with my first love. I do still see him occasionally, and it is very, very hard for me.

In fact, I think if there wasn't a connection between our two families (complicated) I would have attempted to act on my feelings, and I'm very ashamed of this.

yes, am over him, we were only young, it was all very innocent. but still think fondly of him. always have, always will.

Was involved with a bad boy from age 16 for just under a year. Was very on/off and intense. He would suddenly disappear to god knows where without warning. He got up to lots of bad things and also had a short stint in prison (he was two years older than me) During which I still visited him and wrote to him.

He finished it in the end (another disappearing act but this time he wasn't interested in me when he got back) But turned up on my doorstep when I was 18 and with my XH. He came to tell me that he was leaving the country and wanted me to go with him how he would always love me etc. I obviously didn't go. But thought about him A LOT over the years.

Fast forward 11 years later and this time last year. Kept getting a strange friend request on facebook that I was declining. Happened to message the person which I normally wouldn't do and turns out it was him.

He still lives in another country and is doing quite well for himself. We spoke regularly on the phone for a few months and did meet up. He got in touch to say sorry and was nice to hear from him.

Havent spoken for few months now but will always, for whatever reason, think about him.

I never got over mine, every boyfriend after was compared (unfavourably) to him. Took us a decade, but we found each other again & got married.

As Freeda said, the first cut is the deepest!

It took about 5 mins once I'd finally got rid of him. I was in love at first but once it got to the stage when I finished it there was nothing but relief.

I still care for mine very deeply. I finished it, so there was no unfinished business as such but we have always stayed in touch and I think he probably feels similar. I do still think about him often and really want the best for him but we could never go back to being together (even if I wasn't married with children!) as it just didn't work. He was always too nice to tell me when I was being an arse.

But my DH wins hands down every time, he is the best thing that ever happened to me and has nothing to fear from anyone in my past.

My first experience of falling in love was magical - we'd been bf/gf as teenagers and met up again 10 years later - just after I'd bought my tickets for a year out in oz and he had another year of uni to go. We had 3 very romantic months together and I thought it was amazing, but I look back now and there were red flags alllll over the place. We got back together as soon as I returned one year later and endured a 5 year dysfunctional on off relationship.

I'd pretty much forgotten him until this pregnancy, during which I've been plagued by very vivid dreams about that 3 month honeymoon period, in conjunction with the impossible coincidence that I'm 98% certain I've seen him twice on the way to work since these dreams started. Impossible because I no longer live in our home town , work in London, and he had moved to Europe until march this year.

Phew. Wanted to get that off my chest for a while!

Disclaimer - if he tried to get in touch I'd run 100 mods!

Miles not mods. Bloody iPhone!!

My first love, and first kiss died suddenly when we were 16, i honestly still sob myself to sleep thinking of him sometimes.
I then feel guilty because i love my DH, but also feel like i was meant to have a life with my 1st IYKWIM?
I was in shock for a long time after he was gone,, the morning of his funeral i actually felt my heart break,,, i thought i was dying really, and i didn't even fight the pain away, just layed there and felt every second of it.
I speak to him every New year and his birthday, and sometimes he lets me know he is still around when i get a tiny ant crawl on me in the dead of winter whilst watching t.v.
Sorry that makes no sense, i just loved him so much..

OLD ZOMBIE THREAD.....

but a lot of good stories on this thread I found via a search.

As poster Freeda said, the first cut is the deepest!

But how many people going thru a rough patch in their marriage search for an old flame on FB.....