All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Getting that course was brilliant by the way, they even did a big section on co-parenting too. I loved it. WQ how's your course going?

So whose got snow? I only have ice outside here.

no snow here yet just beautiful blue skies and sunshine heading off to work now ,delivery all sorted ,only took a week and parcel v well travelled but i got it back now !
Well done T for mammoth catch up ,congrats to getting on passing course !!!!!

No snow much to dc's disgust !

No snow here

Hope WQ is well today and can make date

Tea - thanks for asking. DC meeting went well. But waiting for report from professional. DC has had another challenging week though -bless him. BUt generally school understand that its him being autistic that causes the problems -not naughtiness and am grateful for that.

AM on for MN meetup tomorrow night -hope the snow keeps off.

If I dont get on here again, hope weekends are kind to everyone!

The BBC gave me the impression 2 days ago we'd have snow here and now it looks like it's going to miss our area. Shame as DD was very excited. Oh well they'll snow before Winters out. I don't enjoy driving in it and try and stay home or walk places but it's fun for the kids

Have a sore throat this morning, second cold in the space of a fortnight

Missing word = be

Hi Everyone,

Hope everyone is feeling well today. No snow here, but not expecting any just yet.

DH came over to discuss property - I was upset all day at the prospect. Anyway, had a rage but settled down as I said all I wanted was to talk calmly and reasonably. Seemed to work as he did settle down. Still no resolution and he is just too unstable and irrational to get any proper answers from. What troubles me is that he drinks quite a lot and takes strong AD. It is a lethal combination, however, I am unable to stop him. Sent him a text expressing my concerning, however, did not get a reply. He takes everything I say as a personal attack. I have decided to just let things settle and try again once I have moved.

DH told me he had finally spoken to his brother - like all of our friends his family are shocked at what has happened in our marriage. His brother and sister are going to come and see me when I stop over for three days before flying to my hometown. It will be really nice to see them as we have been connected for so many years. I think they want to know what has happened to my DH - if I only knew...

Today is a bad day and I feel down and tearful. I always feel like this after I see him. I am still grieving for all those happy times we had for so many years and not quite over the shock of what has happened. DH tells me that it was inevitable, he was losing control for quite some time - I hope with the counselling he finds whatever is troubling him and the answers he seeks.

Take care all and I hope you have a pleasant day, despite the freezing cold.

Hi, Everyone,

After 37 years, it is finally over - my solicitor has just phoned to tell me that the decree absolute has been officially granted by the Court.

After such a difficult 5 month period, I am not sure what feelings I should have.

hi tea

mental health team went ok, but they did do a lot of 'you just need time to heal crap'. made me feel like i was wasting their time, even though they asked me about the cutting.

i have not cut again, although the urge sometimes does overwhelm me.

The counsellor asked me what sort of person I am, and I could not answer. I could not tell him what I enjoyed doing or what my personality is like because I don't feel anything I just feel numb. I don't even watch television anymore, I can't concentrate on anything.xxx

Citydoll - be kind to yourself. I am sure today is a difficult day for you. Try and spend it with people you care about and do something nice. Go out with your friends tonight and toast 'off with the old and on with the new'. My youngest son said to me the other day - a little Buddist philosophy: when you stop looking back the suffering will stop. I thought this wise and applicable so I am trying very hard to not look back as I so want the suffering to stop.

Try and mark today as the end of your suffering - don't look back just keep moving forward.

All the very best.

A number of friends have said they found the decree absolute coming through as a let down after looking forward for so long towards finally being divorced and that instead of feeling elated they felt flat. My decree absolute won't be long either now. I suspect I may feel odd when it happens. Do you have anything nice planned with a good friend or two tonight?

Minminlight your H sounds very unstable, alcohol and strong ADs is not a good combination as you say. I'd try and keep your distance where possible. Is he still in contact with the OW as well?

Queencat did they change your ADs at all or up the dosage? As it sounds very much like severe depression is also a factor. Did they recommend a support group or anything? Keep pushing for the help that you need, hope you're still getting good advice on the other thread ((hugs))

Citydoll today must be hard I guess you just have to let this be the start of the new you and a new future. I expect even though you know its coming the official end must come as a shock at some level. I am not looking forward to that side of things at all.

Tea - yes, he is in touch with the OW, all the time. He keeps texting how much he loves her etc. He is involved in an emotional affair and refuses to stop. Quite heartbreaking that he would throw his family away for such a thing. I notice his mobile phone bill is very big. He is very unstable - angry and negative with me mostly. I mentioned the danger of drinking and AD but he just said that he needs the alcohol to calm down before he speaks to me... He is riddled with guilt and projects that on to me. It is a very sad situation.

Min my xh does that too projecting his guilt onto me and it really annoys me because he has rewritten our breakup to the extent he told me recently that he didnt leave me but that we separated . I really hope that deep down he knows what he did and that he hasnt really let himself off the hook. I know at this point it shouldnt matter but somehow it does.

Ok, haven't had a chance to catch up on thread so will try to read back now. Just need to dump this. I heard somethings about xh this morn that has just left me feeling physically sick . Can't believe what that slimey perverted fuckwit was getting up to behind my back. Feel ashamed on so many levels! And breath..........

Getting, I remember I used to really want xh to know deep down what he did too. Good for you on trying to sort things out with him & dd. Love the idea of one life & thinking bigger.

Minm, your h does sound v unstable atm. I love your quote from ds, I'm going to try & apply that to new stuff I heard about xh . Hope you start to feel a bit brighter soon & good luck with the job((Hugs))

Queencat, it sounds really positive that you've managed to stop the cutting . Hang in there, this too shall pass.

Citydoll, it's bound to feel strange. Hope you've something nice planned for tonight & loving your positive attitude on your previous post.((Hugs))

Tea, sorry to hear you're feeling ill again, hope it passes soon ((Hugs)). Like you I'm also struggling to keep up as I've so many college assignments that I'm meant to be working on atm!

Maybee, how are things going now??

LC, glad you're feeling more positive & that things are beginning to settle.

Mumfun, glad meeting went well.

Sov, loved your post about xh & negatives & positives. Certainly in black & white it seems like you wouldn't be getting much out of it. Hope things are ok for you atm.

Waves to Happy, Patience, WQ, Pink, Rom, Karmann, ECU & anyone else I've forgotten.

Yes, it does feel strange - I thought that I would be cracking open a bottle of pink champagne (or several bottles of fruit cider) but that is not what I want. I will be with friends tonight helping to celebrate a 50th birthday so I will not have time to feel sorry for myself!

My best friend said that I am going to feel flat because it only took 4 months to end a relationship lasting 37 years! And she could be right.

Thanks again for all the wonderful messages of support. I have posted for the last time on my other thread and if it is alright with you guys, I shall continue posting here.

Hugs all round.

Well my STBXH's temping work at the warehouse came to an end today. Perfect with Christmas looming Not! They decided to let go lots of temp staff today with no warning. Just when I thought things wouldn't be such a struggle financially. Grrrr! So he's now considering doing some bar work over Christmas until his license comes through to do door man work instead, which is apparently better paid. How did he get to this from working in law when we married and then as a youth worker...? Oh yes I remember, he had an affair and then the church let him go because he wasn't performing well in his job and then he spent almost 10 months on JSA with me receiving very little from him. Gah!

Citydoll - glad you'll be out tonight, that is a quick divorce after so many years together ((hugs)) lovely, keep posting.

Starting - I'm actually behind now on my OU course as I'm struggling to motivate myself with all this tiredness and constant colds. I'm so sorry to hear that yet another nasty skeleton has come out of the closet with your H again

Minmin - He really is a classic MLCer isn't he? Must be so hard though to see him being like this but you sound so strong. OW lives on the other side of the world doesn't she? It's bizarre that they haven't even met for many years and he is this obsessed, it's a total infatuation and escape from RL in so many ways. When's the big day to move? I think being close to your family and old friends will be good for you at this painful time, how are the boys feeling about the big move?

Can't keep up, so many lovely posts. I'm with you all in spirit.

Citydoll, my absolute came in the summer (27 years together) and it felt so wierd too and I fely completley flat but I was so relieved it was all over. The legal stuff was so painful and draining. Can't believe yours only took 4 months. You're probably still in shock.

minmin........I haven't read all of your story

but just want to say ...it will get better.

I always regarded H as my very best friend and soul mate etc. I see now that he's not a very nice person and he's let his DC down hugely.

Love to everyone.......have a good time at the xmas meetup.

You ok WQ ? Still ill ? Going on date tonight ???? Good luck if you are x

I didn't make the meet up as I never got around to getting my butt in gear to pay and arrange a babysitter in my chaotic home this last few weeks with porrly children etc.

My sore throat is escalating too

Yoohoo everybody. I'm having a weekend away in Harrogate ON MY OWN . Tonight I am in a boutique hotel which is lovely. White Company linen and toiletries and a memory foam mattress. Bliss. Tomorrow I am going to stay with my old schoolfriend up in the Dales. No snow here either - yet. I don't care if it pours with rain or I get snowed in .

Citydoll, today may be a bit of an odd day but tomorrow is the start of your new life. I don't have to get divorced as XP and I never got round to getting married despite being together for 14 years. In some ways it might be easier to draw a line in the sand and have an official date when you are single. It is a symbolic step for you. But every day is important, don't single this one out as anything special. Hope you have fun tonight.

Tea, how do you stay so balanced and sensible? You and WWIFN are like good cop, bad cop in that you always give such kind, honest and measured advice whereas WWIFN really gets to the painful truth of things but in a compassionate way. Your children are so lucky.

Patience, put my name down for the w/end thing next Feb. I will definitely be there if it's still on.

Queencat, I'm thinking of you. The numbness is helping you function until you are strong enough to start healing. That time will come. Take all the help you can, including here.

Minim, your x sounds barmy and the ow must be even madder if she is humouring him and pandering to his fantasy life. Leave them to it and watch it all unravel. That's what I did, although I was too impatient to let it run it's course and couldn't resist sticking my oar in. The end result would have been the same either way. Just don't for a second think that you are to blame or are in any way inferior.

Thinking of you all - Romney, Getting, Starting, Mumfun, Pink, WQ and everyone else.

Hotel sounds lush LC enjoy the break, it is well earned lovely. Thank you for the kind words. I'll never be as articulate as the lovely WWIFN, nor have her memory for the details of so many women on mumsnet even months on. Her memory astounds me. I also cannot keep up with the speed of the threads in relationships at the moment. But I am making a concerted effort to remain up to date on here today LOL

Well, I think WWIFN must keep a huge indexed journal with multiple references because there is no other explanation for her superhuman memory. When she posts it feels like she's looking at you through the screen. If it wasn't for her I still wouldn't know about xp's infidelity as he has admitted that he planned to carry on his double life indefinitely.