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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The next 12 hours

535 replies

Halloqueen · 11/11/2010 12:24

Today my dp ends his 3 month emotional affair with a woman he met at a business meeting. They exchanged numbers, he was bored one day at work, text her, met for lunch, found out they had much in common and they clicked.
His relationship with me never faltered only that he worked a few extra hours every couple of days. Which was nothing out if the ordinary. He admitted all this to me when she started demanding more and more of his time and he realised things had gone way further than he'd intended. He says he loves me as he always has, wasnt unhappy at home...it just happened. He promises he intended no more than friendship but knew he'd started having feelings for her.
So today after work he's meeting her for drinks to tell her he loves me and 3dc's and they can't carry on any further. He says he owes her more than a ten minute see ya have a nice life because she is a nice person and he has to do this 'his way' but promises me he will cut all contact tonight.

It was hard enough to accept he'd do this and to have the strength to stay but he's a good man, me and 3dc's are his world and I know he will work hard to provd this but still the thought of tonight scares me. The thought of him meeting her...
He's set off to work looking smart and I have to sit here knowing he's meeting her after work, not sure if he'll be an hour late or if it'll be a few hours and just twisting myself up worrying she'll manage to change his mind. Will he kiss her 'one last time' will there be a long tearful goodbye? My brain won't let me stop thinking. Need to get thru next 12 hours. How do I do it without going insane???

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 11/11/2010 16:40

Excellent. How do you feel?

FIMBOfedupofrandomfireworks · 11/11/2010 16:40

Hallo, thats terrible, really dreadful, you poor poor soul.

But it wouldn't surprise me if one last drink is actually one last fling. Something in me would make me want to go and spy on them tbh.

He needs to be at home making the effort with you not doing what he intends to do.

He hasn't called you back yet either has he? I think that alone just about says it all.

Be strong. We are all behind you and thinking of you.

FIMBOfedupofrandomfireworks · 11/11/2010 16:40

Arrrggghhh scrap my post then.

Lots of luck to you Hallo and I sincerely hope everything works out.

Baileysismyfriend · 11/11/2010 16:41

Thats a good start. How do you feel?

dignified · 11/11/2010 16:41

I dont think he admitted to it , i think he informed you, theres quite a differance , and now hes managed to manipulate things so he is seeing her with your permission. Bingo , just as he wanted .

If he had admitted it , as others have said , he wouldve ended it in your presance , changed his mobile number and broke his back trying to make it up to you.

So now hes gone off all smart , she,ll be tarted up , you must know deep down whats going to happen there . Expect him to start whinging about how hard it is for him , how much he misses her , how he wishes they could just be freinds ect.

Youd be surprised how many men actually have the balls to try to do this woth their wives " permission ".

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 11/11/2010 16:42

That's really good. Is he coming straight from work now then?

Well done Halloqueen, I hope you're proud of what you've done. Stood up for yourself and reminded him that you are a person with feelings that he would do well to respect.

ChickensHaveNoLips · 11/11/2010 16:42

Good. This is a start Halloqueen. Now, what do you want?

ChickensHaveNoLips · 11/11/2010 16:43

Yes, and seconding what Elephants said. You should be proud. You've taken back some power x

LovestheChaos · 11/11/2010 16:44

Show him this thread.

What a stupid loser his OW is for developing "feelings" for a married man with kids. I think these women get some kind of psychological kick out of hurting wives and children, I really do. Then they turn on the tears so the husband thinks that they are "nice" and "have feelings". Ha ha bullshit. Your DH sounds like a stupid and easily manipulated ape but hopefully he will improve.

Don't forget to show him this thread Grin

DandyLioness · 11/11/2010 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Halloqueen · 11/11/2010 16:45

I feel great, it was what I'd hoped. Maybe the fact that I'd let it pass and 'allowed' it so to speak has actually had the opposite effect. I did say earlier in my thread that he is essentially a good man who has tried to do right, I think he mistakenly thought he had to extend this to ow. I'm hoping my strength here (and being strong and composed is something I've always been good at) has won out.

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 11/11/2010 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChickensHaveNoLips · 11/11/2010 16:47

I wish you all the best Halloqueen :)

FakePlasticTrees · 11/11/2010 16:47

Good, he's realising who's feelings are the more important.

I agree you need to think about what you want now. What do you need from him?

Baileysismyfriend · 11/11/2010 16:49

All the best to you, take care.

perfumedlife · 11/11/2010 16:52

Good luck Hallowqueen, I think you are going to need it. It won't be easy getting over this, but tonight was a start.

wornoutbutstillwonderful · 11/11/2010 16:53

I'm pleased he has come to senses, look after yourself Halloqueen, 3 years on myself and dh are now stronger than we have ever been we talk much more communicate better.

Gonesouth · 11/11/2010 16:54

I wish you all the best and I suggest you continue to take advice from some of the other posters here who very often provide such amazing support and advice for those going through challenging times in their relationships.

It is often straight to the point, but it comes from real life experiences. Invaluable for you at the moment.

Halloqueen · 11/11/2010 16:54

Thanks all, really needed your comments to make sure I wasn't infect being stupid and unreasonable. Doesn't matter why he's not meeting her, the end result is the same. Right now I want a big coffee with lots of sugar and some biscuits. But seriously he knows how close he came to losing everything, I honestly did lay it on the line for him. He also knows that I don't really deal in second chances and that for this to work is going to take effort. Sad really because we had such an easy, effortless relationship before. I'm hoping we will get that back very soon. Loooong talk tonight ( one thing we are excellent at is communicating without arguing or shouting) Out for dinner tomorrow night (no kids allowed) then a family weekend.

OP posts:
solo · 11/11/2010 16:57

Yay!!

forevervacuuming · 11/11/2010 16:57

Well done and all the best to you both :)

lennythelion · 11/11/2010 16:59

Sending you my best wishes. I really hope it works out. If you otherwise have a good marriage then it's worth fighting for. Take care. (((HUG)))

Halloqueen · 11/11/2010 17:04

Thanks all it's good to know there's such good advice and support out there. And I will hang around a bit who knows maybe I can give a bit if advice myself one day.

OP posts:
AntonDuBurk · 11/11/2010 17:11

Soo the right result. MN at its best. Enjoy the biscuits. Keep your head high. Not sure your H deserves you at this very moment but he's bloody lucky to have you.

FanjolinaJolie · 11/11/2010 17:12

While it's good and right that he's not going tonight you both need to examine how this EA came about in the first place.

Don't pretend it didn't happen or brush it under the rug, because the resentment will build up over time.

And don't be so grateful that he's not gone that you allow him to disrespect you again.

All the best to you, Hallo