dh with chickens

[jeesusthatsit]

God sorry have namechanged,. dh and i not getting on but its only recent and had no idea why so not to worried.

dh been distant last two weeks. anyway,
have tried strategies - not bothering him for a couple of days then asking if he is ok etc.
got nowhere.

fine. maybe he is just having downtime etc
then tonight, half 8 (early???? )he rolls in pissed.

me half asleep in sitting room as ds would NOT got to bed for ages

hear dh come in. get up to find him and
he is the fucking garden trying to shag one of the chickens

I kid you not

holding chicken by its neck and trying to ride it.
abusive language to the chicken.

sorry if this sounds bloody ridiculous it was his idea to get the chickens so its not anti animal crap etc

gods knows what do I do? Poor chicken is hiding in corner of the garden. dh is upstairs having shower

was it a hybrid or a pure breed?

Oh! For clucks sake!

I dont know. he bought them. does it matter??

Ehm..

abusive language? poor chicken.

i suspect the por chicken is traumatised and wont lay again !! (eggs!!)

If true, call the police immediately.

I suspect/hope I'm missing some kind of joke though.

Maybe you should call the RSPB? Royal Society for the Prevention of Beastiality???

Is this a poultry fling a long-term thing?

Check his phone.

Check his bank statements.

Check his underpants for feathers.

Yes bloody funny but not funny from where I am. We have five chickens ffs.
goin to have to say something.

what the hell do I say? 'I saw you riding Mabel' ?? god almighty

have put the other four in their chickhouse but the one he went for I cant catch

Slapper probably offered it to him on a plate.

was she a good lay(er)?

Mabel will maybe not lay again.

We have smallholding in dorset. dh is going to wake up any minute. He will either not remember or maybe its all an act and he does know but is beinjg the gentleman fucking farmer?

I cant tell anymore. thert#e must be some other farming families here on Mn surely who have suffered this crap?

we have llamas here too for their fur (apparently. dh's family never say what the feck any of the animals are "for" )

Brings new meaning to Sunday Roast...

msboogie maybe you are right. many ways to skin a cat etc.

I am way out of my league here. more of a handbags and shoes girl.

bloody chickens. they shit everywhere. all over the bqq area. Still can't stand that he is such a stupid halfwit boor and that the chickens have to suffer his attentions though. I like animals. not chickens so much but if I had to choose between this half man and them I wouold choose them

my life is one almighty screw up

yes jokes will follow I can do them myself you know.

its dark and mabel is stuck at the end of the garden still

Yes but have you ever noticed how your fella always get the bigger boiled egg?

your DH obviously enjoys being henpecked....where is he now??

Does he have a tiny cock?

Oh how fowl.

He can't help himself with the birds then.

Fancies himself as a bit of a chick magnet does he?

Oh you're all so cruel!! That chicken has been given a right stuffing tonight and you lot are all making jokes about it :(

yes he is in the small department tea

maybe that is why he's at it with a bloody chicken instead of with me.

my vag is the size of a rhino's.

he could at least discuss it with me. I mean bedroom department stuff not Mabel.

actually I am making a joke of it all along with you but its just not funny.

dh out of shower and came to give me a hug but I know. he doesn't know I know. idi-bloody-ot and he still smells of chicken.

Linx?????? ha ha

not when it comes to chicken shags

god this so is not funny.

Ask him what he'd like his chicken breast stuffed with tomorrow for dinner - his cock isn't an option.