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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Total dickwad - something funny to take the piss? Advice please.

109 replies

tummysgottogo · 08/11/2010 21:45

OK this follows on from my thread yesterday about men/trusting them etc....well...........

Ugh

Lent new bf my car this weekend to "visit a friend and drop him off with his skis". He sent me a chatty text about how he had to go away and how expensive car hire was.

Leaves his phone in my car by mistake after he drops it off. Can't help checking his inbox to see who's texted him. Yes it's a trust issue.

Lots from a girl called A. About this weekend...hmmm...anyway something about "looking forward to lots of sex". I then phone her, and actually end up aShe and I end up in total shock, as we both thought we were in exclusive relationships with this fucktard guy.

Going through his phone I then discover he's been seeing two other women as well.

Obviously there aren't really words to describe him but I'm MOST pissed off about borrowing my car, apparently for a boys weekend (there was a whole elaborate lie about this) to go on a romantic "fuck me senseless" weekend.

And OBVIOUSLY I'm going to dump him. But...I want some kind of fun revenge. I have his phone with all of his contacts.

Before you tell me this is immature and I'm better off without him, I know. But I want a last laugh : )

OP posts:
Bast · 09/11/2010 08:38

Don't waste your anger on him, just try to urm ... appreciate the way 'karma' has caught up with him Wink

It doesn't sound like you were with him long? It's a good thing to have found this out about him now, when some are strung along for years or after years together.

He's an arse and now the relevant people are aware of it. You may have saved three other women future misery. Good on you!

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 09/11/2010 09:08

You're right - anger is a lot of energy and he's not worth it. I was only with him for 4 months. Good thing to find out with hard evidence now or I might have been a sucker for a lot longer. But really - do such moral vacuums really occur? Just in shock!!

OP posts:
ensure · 09/11/2010 09:17

Just tell him you and the other woman have been comparing notes. Then snigger.

ChippingIn · 09/11/2010 09:35

Sadly, they do appear to exist - although I do think that a large, communal, veggie patch would help to sort it out...

It should be legal to now tattoo something on his forehead as a warning to other women, it's only fair.

Slimey little fucker.

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 09/11/2010 09:43

Text the entire phonebook that he has finally seen the light and found the "one"
He is inviting all his friends and family to a party at his house so that they can meet eileen the 59 to grandmothet of 6/clove the fitness trainer from the gym/shaniqua the girl on community service who was cleaning his offices.

Bast · 09/11/2010 10:19

Tummy, yes, sorry, I meant to write energy!

'Moral vacuum' great term! I'd like to think it's a sociological anomaly - but sometimes I wonder...

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 09/11/2010 10:31

I know. I've seen a lot of heartache here too and thought I would never meet anyone like that

I think we see a disproportionate amount of sad stories here - it's a support tool after all so that's the way it should be - but then you meet the horrible ones and you wonder exactly how disproportionate....

I find the threads about the good men very encouraging. My brothers are good men. My dad is a good man. But where the hell is MY good man??

OP posts:
Original poster
tummysgottogo · 09/11/2010 17:35

OK people I'm starting to lose it and think that he's not so bad after all because he's playing with my head and making excuses. I'm starting to feel jealous of the other woman (I know this is dramatic and nothing compared to other people's problems) but I'm starting to cry and feel like I can't even get the attention of a loverat.

Please just tell me how horrible he is. And point out what a GOOD man would do in this situation.

OP posts:
alarkaspree · 09/11/2010 17:39

A good man wouldn't be in this situation.

Look he isn't that bad. He hasn't murdered anyone. But he is a BAD PERSON TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH.

Just chuck his phone in a pond somewhere, delete his number and get on with your life.

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 09/11/2010 17:41

you will never find mr Right if you are prepared to settle for Mr better than nothing.

dump this lying cheating wank stain and leave yourself free to be with a man willing to stop the world turning justto be with you.

You are worth the moon and stars to someone, don't accept anythhing less than perfection

ChocolateMoose · 09/11/2010 17:47

Just checking - you have actually told the other two women haven't you?

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 09/11/2010 17:55

Not yet....maybe I should try and call them now.

I also noticed he had cancelled plans on the weekend with his ex at the last minute - presumably not saying why he couldn't make it - so I've called her to "have a chat about X" and we are going to talk tonight. She always signs off her texts with XXX XXX. Also, he double dated her and I a few weeks back - we were both coincidentally watching friends run the same race...he gave her a lift there and I was picking up my friend. So we spent the race time having breakfast/going for a lovely walk etc and when it ended we pretended we didn't know each other as "she'd get hurt".

OP posts:
Bast · 09/11/2010 18:20

Why are you letting him play with your head and make excuses?! Of course he's going to try to keep you sweet! You are the one with his life (or at least his social credibility) in your hands, aren't you?

Cut contact with him. Don't give him any way of communicating with you. Do it now, before you lose all awareness of the fact that he's playing with your head and become well and truly messed up.

Do what you need to do regarding his other girlfriends and keep in mind that the chances are, these women are in a very similar position to you - there really is nothing to be jealous about...

Whoever does end up with this 'man', whether it be one of his current toys or a future unfortunate, wont live a life to covet but one to pity.

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 09/11/2010 18:35

Bast your head/heart seem to work in the same way as mine and I really get what you are saying.

He just phoned to apologise and said he now sees that his behaviour was wrong (including texting the other woman from my bed when I was making him coffee last week and arranging to meet her later that evening, because "he wanted to see her")....

Basically I think he's saying that he just wants to be friends with me and he's made silly mistakes in the past by sleeping with me, and prefers the other woman...who he's been spending all day apologising to as well....I think I just feel hurt and rejected (sounds really school girl I know).

How women who are the victim of affairs cope, I really don't know. This is nothing compared to marriage and affairs.....

OP posts:
EternalCynic · 09/11/2010 18:49

Not sure if anyone has said this yet but...please go to the GUM clinic and get tested. Just to be safe, as he has been sleeping with at least 3 other women.

I think doing that will also cure you of any lingering and misguided nice feelings for the guy!

Having a good laugh at some of these ideas, wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of you ladies!

EternalCynic · 09/11/2010 18:58

Uuuuhhh...PLEASE don't be friends with him! Confused

Sorry but if any of the four of you (four!!) continue sleeping with this man hoping that he will change...well it'll be a long time coming and not without heartbreak I'm afraid.

Not trying to lecture, just worried as you seem to be getting drawn in again when you sounded as though you were coping very well earlier. May I suggest you block his number?

FreudianSlimmery · 09/11/2010 18:59

Well as far as STI type things go, surely crabs is a safe bet :o

I do think you need to have some little revenge anyway. What a knob.

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 09/11/2010 19:03

Just spoke to one of them - they are only friends having met a few months ago and nothing sexual. So I overreacted there. He said he hasn't slept with the other one either but I don't really believe anything he says. But it might only be two of us.

EC lecture all you like Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
tummysgottogo · 09/11/2010 19:03

FS - no itchiness so crabs is out of the picture

OP posts:
phipps · 09/11/2010 19:04

Delete all his phone numbers.

AnyFucker · 09/11/2010 20:22

look love, ditch him

don't be his "friend" either, unless you want to be a "friend with extras" and you don't sound like that kinda girl (nothing wrong with it, but I sense you want more)

I think you are wavering. You are foolish to do that. Before you know it, you will be married with 3 kids under 5 to this man, while he shags all the women within spitting distance.

Save yourself from that, fgs

AnyFucker · 09/11/2010 20:22

btw, crabs can take a little while to make themselves known

Original poster
tummysgottogo · 09/11/2010 20:35

Thanks everyone. I'm now planning a new NYE and Christmas with real friends Smile

I'm not going to waver. I'm not going to ever see him again. It's not a loss!!

I'm going to take strength from the threads on here that encourage women not to take ANY shit from their men and maintain high standards for how I'd like to be treated.

Right, hopefully next time you hear from me will hopefully be to say I've met an amazing man who exceeds all of my expectations!! Wink

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/11/2010 20:36

you will

but tune your twat radar a little bit first, won't you ? Smile

AnyFucker · 09/11/2010 20:37

and you can post on other topics too, you know

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