DH says not interested in me sexually anymore unless i lose weight

[readinginbed]

Don't really know how to handle this. DH says he hasn't fancied me since we had DS and DD (now 3 and 4) because i've gained a stone and gone up a couple of dress sizes. He says he's not interested in sex until i lose weight. He's always had this fascistic attitude towards women's bodies but i just think i can't stand it any more. We love each other and have a great family life but i can't handle the constant self-esteem battering he is putting me through. I'm reasonably happy with my body and don't think sexual attraction is one-dimensional. I think he has issues because his mother is thin and glamorous but doesn't have any sort of intimacy with any men including her DH. Looking for advice really. Have a great marriage that I don't want to lose but it feels like my self-respect will be in tatters if i conform to DH's wishes and lose weight. I am only 33 so god knows what he will be like when I am older and more podgy.

A friend of mine's DH kept threatening to leave her if she didn't "sort herself out" and lose weight etc. He wanted her to look the same as she had looked when she was 20 - yes he actually said that.

He himself had not put weight on, but was bald, grey and pretty fugly. I used to say to her: "why don't you say, 'I'll lose weight when you get your that full head of brown hair you used to have back, mate' ?" She would never have said that; her self-esteem was far too low thanks to him.

It didn't end well.

You're 5'6 and 11 stone! Bloody hell I just did a year of WW to get to that size! I bet you look bloody gorgeous (like me )
Your husband sounds like a royal twunt. How much does he weigh?

69.3 K DIVIDED BY YOUR HEIGHT IN METRES (1.672) BY ITSELF = 2.7955

= 24.7

What's his heigt and weight ??

Show him the thread.

OMG, he hasn't given up on you!? What a hero. I don't know the guy but I've given up on him as a decent human being. You're only 33 and you are NOT only not fat, but not even overweight either.. The NHS will back you up on that one, not just MNers!

How about covering the fridge (and the walls if need be) with pictures of good looking men. Then when he asks why, you can say that it's to have something sexy to think about next time he feels like to sex, to get you in the mood. Twunt indeed.

op has he actually said that, if you don't lose a stone he will start to look for sex outwith the marriage?

He's not the feminist he thinks he is.

He is being completely unreasonable. You could lose a few stone by dumping him.

Is he looking at porn??

Katisha i'd really like to but just haven't got the courage, it would cause such a big argument. I'd love him to know how i'm really feeling as i've been able to articulate it on MN, but if i said all this in RL it would cause an earthquake

readinginbed - frankly it sounds like the earthquake needs to happen.
You can't carry on like this.

he threatens to look for sex outside the marriage, saying it would be hard for him not to "give in" to "normal male urges". That's the thing, he still has a sex drive but just not for me. He is a great father for the children.

What do you mean when you say 'he's always had a great attitude to womens bodies' op?

And has he said he will look for sex outside marriage, or just implied it?

As is so often pointed out on here, a "great father" respects the mother of his children.

Have it out with him, reading, stand up for yourself.

Go through the thread reading and make little notes of the comments that you read that sum up the injustice of what you feel. The hurt, his sense of entitlement to a double standard, the fact that medically you are NOT overweight, the fact that he doesn't want sex with his wife, and mention too that this attitude of his is not attractive in a person, and not attractive to YOU. And it's not! I am repulsed by him, regardless of what he looks like himself.

Maybe you need a bloody great argument. don't do anything to avoid an argument. An explosive argument is not worse than living in the spot light of his critical entitled judgemental glare for the next 40 years.

What about getting old for example? Are you allowed to grow old?

I agree with katisha

show him this thread

and if you say you can't (or daren't) you have a really big problem

this man is a twat

in all other ways is lovely ? You are deluding yourself love and you need to lose this 11 stone (or whatever he happens to weigh...err, who gives a shit ??) of useless weight that is haning round your neck like a millstone

this is not a lovely man, he is ugly

Sorry op, crossed posted.

That would be it for me. He is threatenig you with infidelity unless you shrink your body to his spec. That is abusive, controlling and deeply mysoginistic.

What an absolute creep. How can you still love this man op? Has he not just trod over every marriage vow he made by this threat?

ok, I'm calling it

this thread isn't real

Agree Valium - an argument could well be what's needed here. Don't walk on eggshells - how does that help the situation. You HAVE to challenge this behaviour, for your own sanity and self-respect.