How do i tell him??

[hangingbasket]

I have name changed for this as I feel so ashamed.

I have recently started seeing the most lovely man after being single for about a year. We have been sleeping together for about 2 weeks without using condoms. I have a mirena coil. The problem is that I suffer from herpes which I contracted (I believe) from my ex-husband. I am not a slapper and have only ever had 5 mid to long term partners in my life and no one night stands.

From reading literature about herepes my new partner should not be at risk unless I am having an outbreak and I am on twice daily medication for the herpes to try and prevent the outbreaks.

What should I do?? How should I break it to him?? I am so worried about this. I feel awful.

I can't stop crying, have barely eaten all day and didn't sleep last night. I'm trying to do uni work now and can't. At this rate I'm going to bring on a seizure (I'm epileptic) and this is exactly the sort of thing that does it. I think I'm going to take some of my top up medication just to be on the safe side.

awww, hb

you have to stop beating yourself up, you made a mistake one that many seem to, I am told < old married woman emoticon >

you have told him now, the ball is in his court, there is nothing you can do

I do hope however, that if you stay together, he doesn't use your rather over-wrought self-flagellation to point-score in every future argument

have a cup of tea and calm down, you are amongst friends here x

May I ask, would you truly find out he'd dumped you via his Facebook status? Really?? Time to get rid of this one I htink

We've been together a couple of months but after being in such an abusive relationship with my ex-husband for so long I thought my luck had really changed when i met this guy. I just wish he would get in contact so i would know one way or the other and then if he does finish with me i can move on from it. I'm certainly not going to beg him to change his mind- i have too much pride for that.

shiney...did you ignore miss my rather nosy question ?

I would normally hear from him in the evening. TBH, he quite often doen't ring me when he's at work at he's so busy so i wasn't too worried today but he finished at 6pm and now it's gone 9pm and the silence is deafening.

don't ring him

Umm. May I ask what this medication that prevents an outbreak is, cos I've never heard of there being any medication for herpes.

IV Zovirax

I wouldn't do that

let him think without you harassing him

I take acyclovir (same as zoviarax). It's an anti-viral drug which is avtive against the herpes virus.

That's what i'm doing scary. I also don't want to look desperate. I think he needs to have time to think this through. He's going to the clinic tomorrow and that will either put his mind at rest or scare him even more!!!

And that can be taken even when you don't have an outbreak?

I've not had an outbreak for years - surely it would be a bad idea to be taking anti-virals in the hope of preventing something that might not be happening anyway?

I think it would be appropriate to leave it for tonight

but ok to ring him and see how the clinic visit went, tomorrow

Umm, sorry.

you didn't, mickey

it was a valid question

He did say he would let me know how the visit went and i hope he does. TBH, i think it would be a little childish if he didn't. My sister has known this guy for about 6-7 years and keeps saying how lovely he is so maybe there is still some hope. I think the main reason i feel so bad is just the fact that he was so upset and if i have infected him then he's left with this forever, just as i have been.

I think if you're about to have sex for the first time (especially if condoms aren't in the equation!), then a little chat is needed. Of course, people can and do lie but it is a step in the right direction.

Another thought - if it isn't casual, and it's more serious - then both should ideally get checked out at the clinic, which hangingbasket, is exactly what you should do because as so many others have mentioned, you don't know what he may have given you.

Good luck!

Ah - something I can contribute on.

Clinic visit will not be as bad as they used to be - these days it's just a swab around the glans and just inside the tip.

Used to be long thin swab quite a bit further inside and down the urethra.

Embarrassing, but everyone working there has seen it all before, so he'll be in good hands. And they'll give good advice / answer any questions.

And in answer to your question Mickey, the reason i decided to take the anti virals was because the outbreak was just so painful that i wanted to reduce the chance of getting another one.

i'm at the relaxed attitude towards casual sex here, i mean, there's no excuse these days, is there?

prior to H, i always insisted on a full checkup before ditching the condoms. (and then ofc continuing using proper contraception for me, the coil)

i'm not risking my fertility or health for some random shag - i have no issue with no strings sex between constenting adults, but to play russian roulette with your health (and your life - i work in a city where the HIV rate is sky rocketing due to drug use mainly)... i'm astounded. i hope that future generations wise up, if this is my generation's attitude, really.

i can't believe people are so stupid these days. yes - i said it. stupidity to risk your health and having to explain to a future partner what you've caught. really.