Calling all prostitutes and former prostitutes on MN, as there seem to be a few around right now...

[Aitch]

I'm curious to know how it makes you feel to see threads on here from wives and girlfriends etc when they discover that their husbands etc have been visiting prostitutes? even if you are happy in your own jobs (and i hope to god you are somehow, because the alternative is intolerable), how does it feel to be confronted with the downside of your work on these pages?

(i think it goes without saying that the men are culpable in this scenario, but am looking for some insight into how your work squares with sisterhood etc).

Hi there Barmy

do you have daughters ?

would you be saying "well done" to your daughter, your mum, your sister for having sex with strangers for money ?

Oh hello AF, if it earns them a fortune and they are happy doing it, absolutely.

Actually, forget the first bit - if they're happy doing it, great.

(Hmm, kinda blunted that line of argument, didn't I?)

Barmy, I just don't believe you

you didn't answer my first question, however

do you have daughters ?

Because those women are subjected to violence and are being raped BarmyArmy, that's what makes it a special case. You can honestly compare that to lifting a heavy box at work and keep a straight face?

Interesting that from that survey, some of the men feel they have knowingly paid for sex with a trafficked woman, or a pimped woman, or a woman obviously subjected to violence.

I find this section particularly chilling:-

"The association between these men?s acceptance of myths about prostitution and their acceptance of myths about rape was statistically reliable (r = 0.23, p = .024). The more accepting they were of prostitution, the more likely they were to also accept cultural myths about rape such as ?Women say no but they really mean yes? or ?A woman who dresses provocatively is asking to be raped.?

The notion that prostitutes are ?un-rape-able? was a common belief among the men in this sample. Twenty-five per cent told us that the very concept of raping a prostitute or call girl was ?ridiculous.?

Nearly one-half of the buyers stated that rape happens because men get sexually carried away (47%) or their sex drive gets ?out of control? (48%).

Sixteen per cent stated that they would rape a woman if they could be assured that they would not be caught.

Acknowledging their sexually coercive behaviours with non-prostitute women, 37% told us that they had tricked non-prostituting women into having sex by lying to them.

Twenty-four per cent asserted that the concept of rape simply does not apply to women in prostitution.

Twenty-seven per cent of our interviewees explained that once he pays, the customer is entitled to engage in any act he chooses with the woman he buys.

So, this service, this transaction, that you're so blase about seems happy to abuse women for the sole purpose of meeting the needs of some rather unpleasant people.

Well done them too?

yes, and Barmy would be happy for those unpleasant people to have paid access to the bodies of his female relatives, as long as they have the wonga that entitles them to it

even his daughters, allegedly

nice

If true, AF, that surely demonstrates one of the sickest minds I've ever come across.

wubbly...it is there

in black and white, he typed it

< shrugs >

I could puke.

not worth it, wubbly, honestly x

hadn't thought of it like that, dittany

here was me, trying to appeal to that parental instinct, to protect your children from harm...

silly me

I suppose I made the basic mistake of applying the principles that my own DH has about prostitution, to another bloke

he cannot countenance it's place in a fair society, because he has children and could never, ever be happy for anybody's children, relatives or friends (never mind his own dc) to be used for a paying man's dubious pleasure

ergo, no-one

perhaps that is a simplistic argument, I don't care, I respect him for it (amongst other things, of course)

Dittany - I did indeed dabble in providing "services" to women a few years back. It was quite lucrative but I stopped when I met someone for a relationship.

?You pay for the convenience, a bit like going to a public loo.?

Now where is the intimacy in that?

About the ideas that prostitution only affects those who participate in it, that it's a private transaction, and nobody therefore has a right to stick their noses where they don't belong, how many who hold that view have ever lived in a red light district, or had to go to one after dark for non-prostitution related business? Can you try to imagine the objections of residents or businesses to finding their neighbourhood turning into a red light district?

I used to be a member of a club whose hq was right in the middle of one of Dublin's southside red light areas, in the Grand Canal/ Mount Street Bridge area, which was quite notorious for streetwalkers back in those days; eventually the organisation had to pack up and move to a less central location as parents were harassed by prostitites (and sometimes stopped by the Gardai) when they drove to pick up DSs and DDs from the club, and teens were propositioned by sleazy men on a regular basis (and I will personally never forget the experience of being appraised slab-o-meat style as I walked to the bus stop with my friends; the look in the eyes of the men in the cars that passed me was sickening).

That's not the question Dittany asked you, Barmy.

BA...that isn't what Dittany was referring to

Unless those women you are referring to penetrated your arse, and paid you for the privelige

No ?

While my exH was banign his rent-a-prostitute he wrote lots of lovely 'intimate' things to her. He said he loved her, he dsaid he wanted to get to know her family, he said he wanted a baby with her, he said he loved her body, her eyes, that she was sexy, beautiful and that he would come to cambodia from thailand to see her as soon as and whenever he could. He begged her to visit him in thailand.

Then when he had no use for her anymore, he wrote 'found another bitch who lets me fuck her in the ass. Bye'

Men will say any kind of lying bullshit they want when they know they are paying for it. They get off on it. They are paying for the privilege of abusing a woman/girl.

Because they can't get a decent fuck anywhere else.

I mean, laughable really.

My exH needed to dfuck himself senseless as soon as he landed in Thailand - he used and abused and manipulated and spat his bile all over a young girl for sex, UNTIL he found his girlfriend, 2 months after arriving.

The really lovely romantic thing is, he is still with his girlfriend.

Aint that beautiful?

Though of course he was talking with his prostitute-using mates on FB about organising shagging weekends and trips.

I don't for one minute expect his girlfriend knows.

I truly hope she doesn't care and that she is in fact laughing the other side of his cheque book!

So Barmy. Do you have daughters as AF asks?

You sold yourself for sex while waiting for a 'relationships'

Does your bird know? Or was she one of your intimate clients?

Barf

I'm straight - so being on the "receiving" end of anal sex doesn't interest me.

I note the inability of some people to post on here without recourse to abuse.

And, to all prostitutes out there who like to 'screen' their clients, pasted below is my exH's first email to me, which he sent three months after he ran away to shag whores. I have posted it before on other threads. It may as well get another outing here as it is pertinent to how many users of prostitutes work.

Here it is:
(apologies to those who have read this guff before)

"Dear UA,
You want to know how I am. Well, I?m working voluntarily for a small NGO in a
tiny village deep in the K5 minebelt in Cambodia. That?s physically where I am.
Psychically, of course it?s a different matter. I have to tell people that I
have a hypertrophy problem with my tear ducts because I have tears running down
my cheeks in the day. All I do is think about ds and you...I?m living in a hellworld ? one of my own making of course in which I?m no longer really a human being. I?m really just a broken shell. Dead. In the
evenings, when I?m not working and there?s too much time, I wander around in
the minebelt (though I often get stopped by kindly villagers). Then, I have to
drink whisky to sleep as I?ve run out of the supply of heavy-duty sleeping
tablets I brought from Phnom Penh. Even so, in the night, the demons come.
Usually at about 3am I?m woken by terrible dreams about being robbed, beaten,
hijacked, enslaved and being powerless to act.
Really, I just want to die. How can I be a father to ds now? All I wanted
was to live with you, be a good father, and be at peace. I absolutely loathed
teaching (not the interaction with the kids, but the fucking paperwork and
endless marking that I always tried to avoid). Even so, I?d have done it
without complaining for another 20 years if it supported us. You never got just
how physically draining it was anyway.
..... I shared with
you the only times I had without debilitating fear and insecurity, albeit they
were brief..... The paradox
is that despite the failures and the insecurities I loved and love you with
every cell of me. You were and are my soul. Sexual contact with anyone else is
a physical impossibility. A woman tried to kiss me in a bar in Phnom Penh some
weeks ago and I vomited all over the bar and all over her. I had to pay for her
clothes to be cleaned.
I don?t know what to do.... How can I describe what it is like seeing fathers
with their sons? It tears me to shreds.
I have to send this now. I?ve been sick twice since I started writing it. I
don?t know what I?m going to do. I am lost.
So sorry. You never deserved my shit. At least you have ds.
And you will always have my love.

*

He wrote this after he had been shagging prostitutes in Cambodia for two months, he was already shacked up with his Burmese girlfriend, he had enrolled on a teaching course (lied on his CV of course) and completed a masters diving course.

He was on FB already.

He thought I knew none of this.

I didn't at the time.

But I found out eventually.

Men like this will do anything to women, including rape them if they want to. They just hope no-body finds out.

Like many criminals, they plan, they execute and they hope they get away with it.

He is a respectable, educated, well qualified, good looking man.

He is a menace to women the world over.

Oh dear Barmy, as sensitive a soul as you should really shun an in-your-face-up-your-arse thread like this.

You are provoking it. And you know it. But like most manipulative game-players you like to be play the victim once in a while. Diddums.

Oh, and apologies if diddums is offensive.

Barmy, 'receiving' an arse fuck? Ladies, pleeassse....
A gentleman like Barmy would ask nicely.

Belatedly revealing heterosexual male prostitution into this discussion (if true, ) is specious in any case. This sort of prostitution, while harmful, does not harm men as a whole, or our perception of them, because of the society we live in. It is no coincidence that the word "gigolo" is not as perjorative as "prostitute".

Whereas young men who are coerced or trafficked into homosexual sex-work suffer enormous harm. No man I know shrugs his shoulders about rent-boys and says "What's the harm? It's a private transaction."

But then again, no man I'm friends with or love would ever think that prostitution is acceptable in society, whether they've got daughters or not.