Calling all prostitutes and former prostitutes on MN, as there seem to be a few around right now...

[Aitch]

I'm curious to know how it makes you feel to see threads on here from wives and girlfriends etc when they discover that their husbands etc have been visiting prostitutes? even if you are happy in your own jobs (and i hope to god you are somehow, because the alternative is intolerable), how does it feel to be confronted with the downside of your work on these pages?

(i think it goes without saying that the men are culpable in this scenario, but am looking for some insight into how your work squares with sisterhood etc).

You'd all better be careful or Footlong might threaten to ignore you like he does me

No Sakura I try to ignore you, because you are a man hater who doesnt say anytihg worthwhile. And if I repsond to you to much, it ruins the thread for everyone else.

Sakura - nosy question which you don't have to asnwer - does your DH know you feel like that about him (I mean the safe guy, and the feeling that you could have one night stands)? And did he know that when you married him?

I don't feel like this about him IYSWIM. It's probably the way I'm built. I love DH, and a testament to that is how I have become monogamous for him, even though it's incredibly difficult for me.
Me finding monogamy difficult does not give me the right or excuse to go off and hurt him a la SBG's suggestion
And my DH has probably got his own secrets in the cellar of his soul that I will never know about. Doesn't every human?
NOboday is flawless, but as long as you keep your impulses in check you're not hurting anyone.
If it gets to the point that your impulses are more important than your marriage vows you have to divorce

"If it gets to the point that your impulses are more important than your marriage vows you have to divorce".

Never a truer word.

Some people are obviously just more highly evolved than others and are able to be apart for weeks or even months without resorting to infidelity.

What if a woman who is pregnant can't have sex for medical reasons for the whole 9 months, does she spontaneously combust? Does her partner? No, of course not, that would be ridiculous. If your impulses control you, rather than the other way around - there is something wrong with you.

Thanks Sakura - helpful insight.

Sakura, have you ever actually discussed the possibility of an open relationship with your H? If you have, and he is a thoroughgoing monogamist then fair enough if you have decided that the tedium of monogamy is worth enduring for all the good things in your marriage.
If you haven't, why not? Lots of people find monogamy unnecessary in longterm relationships, and that having other sexual partners (with their partners being aware of this) works fine for them and their households.

Mind you, I quite agree with you that one of the problems in marriages where the wife has a much lower libido than the husband is that the husband's technique is crap. Maybe in some of those cases, the H having sex with someone else who is less bothered about his longterm opinion of her might be useful as he might learn something (wifey, of course, will not want to rock the boat...)

I think the H having sex with someone else who is only in it for the money would make the H less likely to learn any new tricks, SGB. He's not the one putting on the show after all in the prostitution scenario. Surely a man who is concerned about his wife's longterm opinion of him would make an effort to improve his performance with her?

And why 'wifey'?

"wifey"...a dismissive term, often used to put someone in their place

Not necessarily; some sex workers consider themselves therapists of a kind, after all.Though a quick fling (no cash involved) would probably be more beneficial in that sort of scenario.

You should write relationship advice for the papers SGB, your acute insight is astounding.

Is footlong your alter-ego?

I have no problem with people who choose monogamy - it's just another fetish. The problem is, the present cult of making monogamy compulsory is clearly not working because monogamy doesn't suit everyone.
I do rather wonder at women who evangelise for monogamy so much when the whole business was set up by men, in men's interests, in the first place. But, as I say, your fetishes are your business, but the insistence that the monogamy fetish is better than any other way of doing things is not only stupid but actively harmful to some people.

The present cult of making speed limits on the roads compulsory is clearly not working because sensible speed limits don't suit everyone. Clearly the current system was set up by those with a vested interest in collecting speeding fines.

Math: Some people do theorise that actually drivers drive better with fewer imposed controls (traffic lights etc). Thre are certainly lots of people who believe (probably rightly) that speed cameras, like parking regs, are a revenue generator for local councils rather than a genuine contribution to road safety.
As a car-free non-driver, this isn't terribly my area of interest, but on almost any subject where 'everyone knows/everyone agrees', there will be an equally valid and possibly even more valid opposing opinion.

here was me thinking math had posted on the wrong thread...

< is obviously not deep, is very, very shallow >

sgb, I do love your posts but your obvious contempt for most of the population is rather separatist

I know you are a bit of a rebel 'n' all that jazz, but you are seeing people putting down non-monogamous lifestyles all the fecking time and I think you are a bit evangelical yourself

Smallwhitecat: Do you think 'fetish' is a derogatory term? To me it's a neutral one.

It has been my experience of driving that even in places where there are few rules, people impose a sort of driving superego (aka defensive driving) on themselves.

Even the most primitive of societies have their mores and rules that regulate most activities. Why should sexual relations be excluded from the impulse to regulate? Why should sex remain in the realm of the id whereas in every other area, the superego is expected to dominate?

Not that SGB needs my assistance, and I am sure does not want it.... but

Why should sexual relations be excluded from the impulse to regulate?

You are using a sledgehammer on a tack. Clearly some aspects of sexual relationsips need to be regulated, underage for example. But clearly SGB wasnt talking no rules for anyone and a complete free for all. Even her car ananlogy backs that up, even countries with lax road rules have some. So pednatry aside, her point still stands that many rules around sexual relations are based on a narrow view and it doesnt hurt to sometimes look at those rules and decide that they are no longer suitable for the world we live in.

Why should sex remain in the realm of the id whereas in every other area, the superego is expected to dominate?

And that is just plain wrong.

Ehem, I believe the car analogy was mine.

It "is just plain wrong" because? (hint: 'because you say so' doesn't make it so...)

SGB was indeed talking no rules for anyone, btw. Tis her schtick.

SGB, I see open relationships around me, everwhere here in Japan. I think the people are lonely and sad, because they can't get what they want from their marriages, and yet they don'T have the freedom that comes with being single. It's the worst of both worlds.

Add to that, I am certain open relationships are riddled with power imbalances (in favour of the male, most probably) , where one person loves the other more and the other person takes the piss.

Also, I've got the feeling that men are more conservative than women in many ways.
Having said that, if it may be something I might bring up in the future. Never say never.

But I flat out disagree with your statement:
"Maybe in some of those cases, the H having sex with someone else who is less bothered about his longterm opinion of her might be useful as he might learn something (wifey, of course, will not want to rock the boat...)"
There's no way a man can learn to please his wife from another woman, let alone a prostitute. What turns his wife on may be completely at odds with what turns the other woman on. ANd a prostitute !! THe entire point of a man visiting a prostitute is so that he doesn't have to bother with anyone else's pleasure but his own.

Hello Aitch. I have thought for a while about your interesting question and read all the posts here. I have worked as an escort on and off for the last few years. I recognise that people have strong feelings about those that offer sex for money. I am not posting to get involved in discussions about myself, just to add to the information base.

There are all sorts of men that pay for sex and for all sorts of reasons. They do obviously always have a reason. Many are widowed, divorced, might struggle to attract a woman. There are many highly attractive young or older men who don't want to be involved in a serious relationship. There are older men who don't want to leave their marriage but sex has stopped. There are married men who just want something extra or different. There are married men who are very unhappy in their marriage, maybe having lived in separate rooms from their wives for several years.

For me, I have only met with a very few men that are married and just doing it for something extra or different. I do my best to not have them as clients.

If a married woman found out her husband was seeing prostitutes then I would hope she would try to examine why, maybe it should end things and maybe it shouldn't. I read Mrs Jellicoe's post with interest and think she is doing the right thing for her.

justreading Do you think that men who use prostitutes like women?