Calling all prostitutes and former prostitutes on MN, as there seem to be a few around right now...

[Aitch]

I'm curious to know how it makes you feel to see threads on here from wives and girlfriends etc when they discover that their husbands etc have been visiting prostitutes? even if you are happy in your own jobs (and i hope to god you are somehow, because the alternative is intolerable), how does it feel to be confronted with the downside of your work on these pages?

(i think it goes without saying that the men are culpable in this scenario, but am looking for some insight into how your work squares with sisterhood etc).

If a man who arrived at your door turned out to have a lack of hugs in his life, why would you not just tell him to go with his wife to Relate or get some counselling?

OK, men who are strayers will stray.

OTOH, your last two posts paint a picture of you as some sort of sexual therapist, helping the 40 yo virgins get their groove or whatever, and the poor fellas with ed whose wives have turned on them... I really don't buy into the 'whore with a heart of gold' (pardon use of whore) image all that much. If you were really into the whole relationship counselling thing to that extent, why not train and do that?

I offer the discount purely because the guys in the armed forces go off out to places like Afghanistan, putting their lives on the line for their/our country and are under paid, under valued and quite often eventually screwed over by the government, for example if they get permanent injuries.
I don't advertise it because I think it could well be taken advantage of or sway someone in their decision to come and see me.
However, you can usually spot someone who is in the services, even if they don't mention it.

Deburca - there are hundreds of posts on here from women whose husbands will not have sex with them, some resort to fuck-buddy type situations, some don't, it's exactly the same as men.
Don't be misled into thinking that only women go off sex in long term relationships, in fact I'd say it's 50/50, judging by the very many sad posts on here asking how they can get back their husband's interest in sex.

If a man can't wait four or five days without needing a blowjob it's a bit pathetic - if woman starts that game before children arrive it's setting an unsustainable precendent.

mathanxiety why should she? Is she really any different from a girl who will only sleep with a guy who has taken them for a meal or drinks or whatever. She is just more honest about it

Its a job, she isnt trying to interfere in anyones relationship - its the man who is going off-side.

As long as a sex worker is choosing that as a profession and not being forced into for whatever reason then what is the problem?

ok thanks

as I said, it wasn't an attack

To be honest I wouldnt be able to go 5 days without sex, its important to me as to my other half and its not setting a precedent.

Why are there not more male prostitutes?

i don't see that at all on mn, tbh, deburca. quite the opposite, on this thread and others. normally if someone posts about teh OW etc she is reminded continually that the OW is not the biggest issue she has to deal with. (obv the person posting, however, will want to shout about the OW though, that's just general denial and really just a stage).

im sorta new at this. I asked a question about a friend who was dating a newly separated guy and had a few strange responses.

Im all for sisterhood and being honest and fair but sometimes its just a morality lesson from what I can see. FFS Im RC, if I wanted that Id go to mass! lol

deb

I see your point Deburca (and agree 100% about the blaming the OW thing, and also the element of denial and deflected anger Aitch), but just think that Manda is laying it on a bit thick about the therapeutic value of what she does.

A lot of women turn to shopping when things are rough in their relationships, even if they can't afford it.

Of course it's setting a precedent if a man is used to regular servicing when his wife isn't up to having sex - what happens when she gives birth and has problems or simply doesn't feel like servicing him? babies generally take up all your time and energy after all.

I don't like going more than a couple of days without sex either but during the last 28 years there have been many occasions where it has been weeks, or even months in between having sex, whether due to illness or DH working away.
If I'm on my period or have the flu etc. my DH doesn't expect me to relieve him and he never has.

Manda can I ask you - what led you into that work?

and yes mathanxiety I can understand about the shopping

Curiosity led me into this work.

I'm not trying to say that my work is all about therapy and hugs, but just to get the point across that it's not always all about sex.

Sometimes it is just about sex.

Manda, thanks for all your answers, tolerance and honesty. It's appreciated.

Someone asked what makes some men buy sex but others won't. It's just personality & upbringing I think, the same as some men can have sex in public or enjoy lapdancing but others don't. It could be respect for women, or the need for emotional attachment.

its not about anyone expecting to be relieved etc etc, its about looking after your partner and vice versa. Some couples agree to one or both of them looking outside their relationship for sex.

At the end of the day if your other half goes to a prostitute, sees someone else whatever without your knowledge or consent then its up to you what you do with it. I too have experienced childbirth, working away etc, phone sex using your hands/mouth. Its strage that you describe it as servicing. Is it not a way of showing the other person how you feel and how you care - in a relationship anyhow Mindfreakette? You say servicing like its a chore or you are both animals? its a bit strange

deb

Manda im delighted you posted, you have been very honest and upfront. Have you ever had a very bad experience in your line of work? I ask as if you are in the UK, where it is still il-legal im not sure what protection you are afforded law wise, ie compared to say Amsterdam where people in your profession can approach the police and have a resonable chance of being looked after

deb

Prostitution is legal in the UK as long as you work alone and don't solicit on street corners (that's a very simple description, it's more complicated than that).

I've never had a really bad experience, partly luck I suppose and partly the fact that I vet my prospective clients very carefully.
I've had some obnoxious twats manage to slip through the net. If they're odious, I ask them to leave and give them their money back.

If someone were to attack me, I would go straight to the police.

I use the word servicing because so many women who have posted on here regard it as such, that's what it turns into when a man expects regular sex and then subsequently moans/complains/sulks when he can't get his way due to circumstances.

I've never considered sex with my husband as a chore because it's not something he expects, he doesn't like to have something sexual done for him if he can't reciprocate.

Does your husband give you sexual relief when he isn't up to having sex with you? If, yes then fine, if not, why not?

you must have some funny ones too though? lol Im sure your girls nites out a very interesting with the stories!

beats office gossip anyway

im glad you feel you are able to approach the police. Where I live there isnt really a culture of street walkers, more brothels etc which I have no issue with whatsoever.

I once saw one of the girls come out of the place she was working and wallop a guy trying to mug an older lady- fair play to her!

I dont view sex as a chore but as something that myself and my husband do to show that we love each other and find each other attractive.

My husband absolutely looks after me and me him whether we are in the mood for sex or not.

I think my relationship would be in trouble if I considered sex as servicing - big trouble actually

'Someone asked what makes some men buy sex but others won't. It's just personality & upbringing I think, the same as some men can have sex in public or enjoy lapdancing but others don't. It could be respect for women, or the need for emotional attachment'

So if a man pays for sex with a prostitute and it shows his lack of respect for that prostitute is the prostitute happy to have sex knowing full well that the man is lacking in respect?

Bizarre circumstances - who do you feel pity for the man who has low self-esteem or even hatred for himself, his actions or the woman he is buying sex off? Or the prostitute who on some level I am willing to wager has some self hatred for herself,her actions or the punter?

Manda would be interested in how you manage to not take your experiences into bed with you when making love to your partner - how you don't compare - how you shut your mind off?

But don't you acknowledge that's how many women end up feeling , that it is a chore, when they have a selfish husband who expects sex regardless?

What would happen if you had a UTI / gynae problem and couldn't have sex for a few weeks, would your husband mind or would he expect blowjobs? If he's as good a husband as you say then no, he wouldn't. Would you offer them, even if you felt like crap?

I'm just trying to point out the entitlement to regular sex ( whatever the circumstances) that some men believe that they have.

I don't particularly shut my mind off. If I worked in an office, I wouldn't be thinking about work while making love to my OH. I something was on my mind, I wouldn't make love to him. It wouldn't be fair. It's something that should be done when you are both fully concentrating on the job at hand (so to speak).

I don't have any self hatred on any level, but I'm sure there are some WGs who do. I tend to think that anyone doing it for the reasons should get the hell out before they self destruct. Any client who shows an obvious lack of respect will be shown the door.

Someone mentioned the chat on girly nights out. Some of us do get together a couple of times a year for a meal/night out and it is utterly hilarious.

The wrong reasons...

I have been following this thread on and off all day (havnt even loaded the dishwasher)!
I think its great that Manda has been so honest, it has been a real insight and I have thoroughly enjoyed it.
PS I would love to be a fly on the wall during one of those girly nights out!

Yes but Manda we are not talking about any sort of work - your work adds to your sexual experiences and to disassociate yourself from those experiences is difficult for people to do. As is your need to keep your posts on the shall we say positive side?