Calling all prostitutes and former prostitutes on MN, as there seem to be a few around right now...

[Aitch]

I'm curious to know how it makes you feel to see threads on here from wives and girlfriends etc when they discover that their husbands etc have been visiting prostitutes? even if you are happy in your own jobs (and i hope to god you are somehow, because the alternative is intolerable), how does it feel to be confronted with the downside of your work on these pages?

(i think it goes without saying that the men are culpable in this scenario, but am looking for some insight into how your work squares with sisterhood etc).

Sad stalker? No, I just remembered you from that thread, I am a regular but fancied a namechange because I went to see the Mindfreak show and it was amazing, my normal moniker is malificenc, in case you think I'm lying.

The Psychologists are out in their droves pmsl

feck off

byeee

Sorry Manda - I can't get my head around the 'lie' - GFE is anything but?

I get that some careers involve being paid for caring - usually physical needs as opposed to emotional ones although sometimes emotional needs may also be partly covered.

And yet that is part of my job.....I also enjoy my work ....which also means I do a lot of it unpaid and even for charity. Somehow I can't see this applying to you Manda....

The other thread on the feminist board about sex being a commodity - well most of the jobs on there compared to prostitution - I don't recall any of them that at one time or another are not done free of charge or for charity based on the circumstances. And yet is the same true for you Manda - do you offer your services for free? Or buy one get one free?

It's interesting that you have to see sex with your partner as 'making love?' - why is that do you think?

Thanks Manda, Yes, I dont think attacks are called for as she is answering our questions and being really open. We could learn a lot.
At the end of the day people who want to do something will find a way. At least this is not underage stuff or involving children/physical abuse like so many situations are. I would also be very upset if my husband went to a prositute but then if he went to anyone it would be the same.

It's the same as any one night stand compared to sex in a loving relationship. I don't think anyone would really consider a one off shag or even a fuck buddy to be making love.

We sometimes get guys who have low self esteem and what you try to do is improve that over time and possibly teach them the social skills they will require to get a real girlfriend. It's great to watch them grow and the ultimate compliment is when they stop coming to see you, usually having previously mentioned a girl that they've started chatting to or whatever.

We get the 40 year old virgins who wouldn't even try to get a girlfriend because they're ashamed of their lack of experience, the first thing you do is to tell them that not all girls will find that a bad thing. If they refuse to be swayed then you do the best you can to teach them a few basic skills.

There is the emotional side to things and we quite often find ourselves being some kind of therapist. You just do the best you can.

I don't do special offers (some girls do), but I do offer a services discount. If I were to do unpaid work, it would give the wrong impression to the guy. I have to be very careful not to lead anyone on.

Jeez Anxiousland I am more than a little worried about you. It sounds like you could do with some help and understanding to get this anger off your chest.

My friend who ran the parlours tells me she feels no guilt for having sex with men who told her they were married. Why should she? She has no way of knowing who is really single or not, and no desire to know. The transaction is agreed and conducted, no relationship is forged so no back story is required.

She does say the majority however were widowed or single. A lot of men didn't even want sex, just to talk. She sees it as a service, and thinks a lot of marriages are sustained becuase the wife doesn't want sex but wants to stay married, although she is very doubtful the men tell their wives they saw her.

What struck me about this friend was her total respect for men. And for sex. She doesn't tie it up with romance, just a need. However, as I said before, she suffered for it with the destruction of her own marriage. She says honesty was not the best policy in that respect.

But overall she feels no guilt whatsoever and thinks the problem is that we now expect so much more from marriage than we did years ago, when life span was shorter, romance wasn't the main reason for marriage and women frequently turned a blind eye.

@ Manda,

"They're (sic) complaint isn't usually that they're not getting their oats, but that they miss the hugs."

They'll tell you anything these married men. That scenario they paint regarding their relationship doesn't make sense. Are people who tell you this crap in bed? Eliciting a hug is easy. If you can't get a hug from someone you must have done something very wrong.

I talked to a guy who used prostitutes. He said basically all he wanted was a live vagina to come into. I said I'd be happy to take his money given I had a live vagina (good looking chap) but no he declined the offer. He wanted someone young. Definitely below the age of 25 and started to bemoan the fact that with fillers and botox the older women could get away with it.

Not a comprehensive survey by any means .

So guys want the meal, wine, chit chat and to KNOW that this will end in sex. No disappointments. Sounds like punters have with low self esteem and a sense of entitlement.

but I do offer a services discount

As in armed services, so you target your services to men whom you know are probably married with a family but will be away from home for long periods basically without sex.

Don't get me wrong if a bloke is going to stray he will regardless I don't think the "women" are the issue, however I think differently if you are deliberately aiming your services at people who are probably away from home as a bit I thought you were coming across quite well until then, but you seem to target your services at married people who will be away from home, rather than the "counseller" to widowers and divorcees you portray yourself as, which I do find repulsive tbh.

Actually Manda I am going to stop posting now because your last post is very revealing and you might want to ask the moderators to have it removed. Sorry I overstep the mark when I am intrigued by a person and I'm off before SGB kicks my butt......

Okay, but let's talk about the men. Why is it that some men go to prostitutes and some would never? And I don'T personally think it has anything to do with how attractive a man is, on the whole. Lots of soldiers use prostitutes AFAIK, men in groups go on sex tours to poor countries.
I think some men, let's say, disabled men, who might be disadvantaged in getting sex, would still not use prostitutes. And other men could get any woman they liked, but do use prostitutes. So it tells me it's not about sex. It's something else. Something I can't put my finger on but I know I don'T like

A lot of the guys who want intimacy, hugs etc don't want sex. Some of them can't have sex due to erectile dysfunction. The fact is that while no all men are nice, not all women are nice either. There are women who, when their husband develops ED will say things like "what's the point of a cuddle, it can't lead anywhere".

There are guys out there who are only interested in skinny under 25s. They are usually obnoxious tossers. I could point you to a message board populated with them. Their motto is "putting the punter first" and they say they are sick of the "sisterhood of prossies" always sticking up for each other and that when they say they've had a bad "punt", the sisterhood always says it's their own fault.

Honestly, their the sort of cretins who give men a bad name.

They don't come to see me. Anyone who walks through my door with that sort of attitude will find themselves back out in the corridor with their fee shoved up their nose.

Emmy, I see your point but Servicemen are only really away from home and family for extended periods when they are on detachment abroad - Inverness is only really near to a couple of RAF bases ( we were at Lossiemouth for a couple of years), not sure about army/naval bases in the area.

A man who uses prostitutes will do so whether he is away from home or not.

Saying that Manda's target audience is married servicemen is a bit off.

I should mention that there are absolutely no army bases near where I live/work, so a chap would need to be home on leave to come and see me, fairly unlikely if he had a wife. I also don't advertise the services discount.

@ Manda
I absolutely don't disagree that women can be just as horrible to guys with ED as men are to women with low libido (frigid used to be the term). In fact my soon to be ex's affair girlfriend was horrible to her now ex husband who had ED.

Yes there is Lossiemouth, but it's a fair distance away. I think the Lossiemouth boys would be more likely to pop down to Aberdeen.

there's that "sisterhood" term again, in a very different context from that in the OP

it seems to mean different things to different women, and seems to hinge partly on which women you identify as your own 'peer group'

when you say you offer a service discount manda, can I ask why? And do you think it is fair comment to say that you are targeting "married men who are away from home" by offering it?

"There are women who, when their husband develops ED will say things like "what's the point of a cuddle, it can't lead anywhere".

Well...we don't know the whole situation. She could be hiding a world of hurts in the phrase " it can't lead anywhere". Relationships are complicated, people are. It doesn't make it ok for him to buy sex. As I said, it wouldn't cross the mind of some men. Well, why do some men do it? Manda, I like your posts. You put up with a lot of shit and respond with so much calm. BUt I simply cannot get my head around the fact that a man who pays a woman for sexual services sees women as equal

Some men wouldn't pay for sex because they would think it was a bad thing to do.

At the other end of the spectrum there are men who wouldn't pay for sex because "They can get any bird for free... Wouldn't pay no tart for a shag"

All the men in between are open to it to some degree or another, but they doesn't mean that they ever will.

Some disabled men pay for sex, some don't. I don't really see them as being any different to other men.

i can't get my head around the idea

well.. some disabled men pay for sex, some don't.
Some men can get a tart for free, but buy sex anyway

I would like to know what tips a man over the edge. At what point does he decide it's okay by him. I don't think physical characteristics are at the centre of the discussion. I think it's the man's character.

Greensleeves, your question about married servicemen has already been answered by someone else.

As I said, I don't advertise the discount, so they wouldn't know about it in advance. They would have to seek out my website in the first place, I don't post on Services forums or out cards in phone boxes. I don't 'target' anybody.

I don't know what tips a man over. What I do know is that there is a world of difference between the guys would see any girl as long as she's cheap and the guys who specifically see girls who are older, obviously enjoy what they are doing. SOme guys specifically look for a certain level of intellect or certain areas of shared interest because what they want most is company.

i think to be honest that its an individual choice. some men perceive it, i think anyway, as scratching an itch, a physical need that they need fulfilled and may or may not be getting at home.

I know that sometimes especially in long term relationships where it may not be the initial mad sex sessions it was at the start that the female may go off sex. I say this as I havent heard of that many male straight prostitutes so it appears to be something that is predominantly a female thing.

I personally believe that if you arent sleeping with your other half it will lead to problems. If for instance, your health is an issue, there are plenty of other ways to satisfy someone, hands, mouth etc. In our group if you dont want to have sex during your period its called blow job week!

Sex workers provide a service, no one has to use it but neither should someone be judged on the fact that they do. its the old trade in the world afterall.

I don't know Sakura, you could probably ask 100 different men and they would each have a different "reason".

I can confidently say that my DH wouldn't ever pay for sex, not because he thinks it's immoral or disgusting but because he's as rabidly monogamous as I am and he needs the emotional connection as much as the physical one.

fair enough, it has been answered:)

Why do you offer the discount at all though? If you don't mind my asking - I am not attacking, I am interested

I don't find it at all difficult to believe that a man might approach a sex worker for company/physical affection/to be held. I think men need these things as much as women do, and it's a cynical fallacy that "men use love to get sex...etc)

I think lots of women would pay for that kind of service too, if it were more mainstream

and am not sure what I think of it morally

what i find strange about alot of the posts on mumsnet is the seeming non stop attack on women who are perceived to be targeting married men. Am I the only one who gets pissed off with this.

As someone who has been cheated on can I say once and for all that you cannot target someone who does not want to be targeted

FFS ladies, where is the self respect? If he cheats its him who is at fault not the other woman really. They are all big boys and well able to make decisions for themselves. All this blame being directed at other women/prostitutes or whatever is just a smoke screen in my opinion

really really pisses me off