For those wishing to improve their self esteem

[Mummiehunnie]

I need to work on my self esteem and I have noticed a few others on here wanting to do the same.

I would like to start a positive thread, with self setting goals be they nothing or lots each day!

Meant to add that my self-esteem makeover is roughly:

Build up confidence (books/cds)
Lose weight - continually work in progress
Change make up - hair already done
Break out of my comfort zone

and breathe.

Oh - know what you mean about driving - I was a great driver but I find that marriage has slowly eroded all confidence. Partly as I seems to own lots of cars (I'm middle aged so no surprise there) but for the use of others - but now I'm using my old banger alot more and feel better for it.

OP - I don't think we were trying to be negative - we just noted that alot of your list were domestic - but if it rocks your boat then fine. I agree that getting on top of housework can have a good affect - for me my desire to have the perfect home has eroded mine - so my personal self esteem goal is to let it go a bit as I'm running myself into the ground. This is because my 'd'h thinks he can be a messy pig and my entire life should revolve around his needs which are to have hot food on the table (only the very few things he likes) - for me to eat it too (even though it doesn't agree with me)and to clear up after him and be his pa - and nothing else.

Had a blip today - with dh - he has a mad idea that will devalue our property and cost us lots and end up our small home being like a shack. Normally I'd not say anything and go off with stomach clenched in a panic. But today I didn't challenge him but politely said - 'ok - it's an idea - lets get a builder in for advice and quote' - as I know any builder would think he was completely mad. He still had a go at me but I walked off and I felt OK - I haven't let it affect my day.

I've started my excersise video - it shows how bad I've got after 5 years - I'm so flabby and unfit people wouldn't recognise me - but no matter I know what I have to do now.

DS starts reception in 10 days and then I can finally concentrate on me.

My other good self esteem thing for the day was this - we're v. short of money - I need t work but in my panic I've been looking at shit unsuitable roles. After dh's outburst today I've decided to chill and start looking at something that will suit ME once ds is at reception (beleive me my career has gone downhill in response to my lack of self esteem - ie being a troubleshooter for everyone else).

So, I'm getting there.

Hope you ladies are as well. Small steps but significant ones eh?

giveitago, no need to apologise, all posts have been well meant!!!

It sounds like you are very aware of your feelings and needs well done you!

To everyone else, it has been nice to read your posts, I don't have much time right now to respond to you all individually, it is lovely to have you come along on the journey on this thread, and read how you are getting along!

Well, with regards to myself care, I am actually throwing away less healthy food and eating the good food I buy myself and neglect to eat, and instead am filling up less on the rubbish that my body does not need and is damaging me! I have had a good work out at the gym this week, considering I have some parts of my body that I have dr's orders to not exercise, has been a challenge, I have exercised to a level that I felt some muscle repair going on, so I must have exercised at a rate that meant I did some good and no damage, so I am very pleased with myself!

I have not kept up on the ironing which is causing me discomfort and not making mornings easy on the family, it is something I really want to address this week!

I have noticed that there is a thing for retaining rubbish that is a family script, and I have been questioning myself and the family about it... I know I have in childhood been taught to be a vessell for others emotional rubbish and to clean up their emotional and physical mess after them, and I am working hard on not doing this with people... I don't have to take the responsibility on, this has been the best move forward for myself this week, noticing this and dealing with this, as my self esteem has been a lot better when challenged this week!

I plan this week to keep going with the trying to make my home life run smoother, ie with not leaving things to last minute and being kind to myself by making life easier in the mornings. I plan to keep going with the gym and self grooming. I also this week plan to pay someone to do something nice for me, not sure what just yet, massage, ironing as long as it is something that makes me life easier and in paying there is no guilt or neeed to pay back for the transaction, it is dealt with, guilt free for me!

I'll let you know how I got on and I look forward to hearing how you are all getting on x

Mummie - well done on the gym and the food.

I have a dh that will only eat food from his country but it doesn't agree with me and then a ds that is the biggest fussy eater. I cannot prepare three meals so I've gone along with them.But ds starting reception shortly so it will change I hope.And for me not having ds at home all day will make housework a bit easier and I'm getting ds (4) to help - goes against dh's grain - but hey - he's not doing it.

Then today with dh kicking off with stupid idea I just held fast and explained my solution - and WE'RE GOING WITH IT. Once we've got the money. I was soooo relieved as it actually did make me worry soooo much - it was a shite idea costing money we don't have and would reduce the value of our property and make it uncomfortable.

But hey, my way won with is just to do up ds's room properly which will create a small playroom for him and keep the other space we already have.

So, for me, having self esteem is just stating my view which does have value after all.

DS estatic at the news as even he thought that dh's idea was unworkable.

Yep - I think many women are emotional garbage cans for other people. You must try not to take it all on board.

Your massage idea sounds good. Go for it!!!!!

Tonight I am going to a party on my own!

I am joining too if that's OK?

this is just what I need at the moment too.

ongoing:
feed myself with the nourishing food that my body deserves.
take off make up every night, so i don't feel like the bride of Frankenstein in the morning - not a great way to start the day

tonight:
long hot soak in bath,
wardrobe cull to create my long wished for capsule wardrobe.

[lurking with interest at armbow's capsule wardrobe].

A good thing that someone once told me is 'never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to your best friend', and 'for every time you say something unpleasant to yourself, give yourself three compliments'. In short, treat yourself like someone who you value and appreciate.

If you wouldn't tell your best friend that she's useless, don't say that to yourself. If you find yourself saying it to yourself, apologise, and tell yourself three things you're good at, or have done well.

So proud of myself - went to the party and had a great time.

Armbow, let me know how you manage the nourishing food thing, I am really struggling with that at the moment.

Weird thing is, I don't suffer from low self esteem - I lack confidence and the ability to be kind to myself.

Hello all,

at utterly, I have always wanted a capsule wardrobe but never got round to it until now. I have culled and I am quite pleased with the results. I recently worked out all the colours that suit me best from my mum's colour me beautiful book, so started by getting rid of everything that was not my colour. I was then left with a selection of clothes that went with each other colour-wise and i finally got rid of anything that did not suit my shape.

I have got rid of 50% of my clothes and the remaining 50% all go with each other and I honestly feel like I have more to wear now. I am really pleased with the results.

Karmann - so glad you had a good time at the party, I am doing this at the beginning of next month - a single guest at a wedding dinner (gulp) h and I were meant to go as a couple but since he left he said he no longer wants to go, so that leaves just me (double gulp!!) Yes the food thing is tricky isn't it. I feel i have no motivation at all, but i need to get my bum into gear soon before i get too run down. i am eating but the stuff i do eat is crap. when h was here i loved to cook us both meals.

today I am going to get an early night and drink 8 glasses of water.

back at your armbow, if I had a cull like you I would end up going to work in my pjs.

Karmann - you have summed me up as well, have the self-esteem lack the confidence.

armbow, that is me with the food thing. I used to love to cook but now I hardly ever bother. If food is put in front of me I will eat it but otherwise I don't always bother. I'm eating more than I did but the weight is just not going on which makes me feel bad because I look scrawny! Not attractive! Are baggy jeans making a come back in the fashion stakes yet?

Utterly, funny isn't it, I'm happy with myself (apart from the scrawny bit) but ask me to make a phone call or go shopping forget it!

nope i can do all the practical stuff, i just feel really unattractive. (h has ow and he says she is a model ) this makes me feel frumpy and awful.

i am going to try and get act together with this food thing.
i think i am going to try and eat more filling home made soups... thinking of making these in my slow cooker.

i have started the oil cleansing method that i read about on the style and beauty threads and this is helping my skin.

but can't help but think that everything i am doing is on a superficial level iyswim.

That was a really horrible thing your H said.

I can do practical, i.e. garden, decorating, car maintenance, all those kind of things but phone calls - NO!

I did cook a meal tonight but I haven't eaten it. How stupid is that? Got some great slow cooker recipes if you would like me to share them with you.

It's not superficial armbow if it makes you feel better. I know what you're saying but if it helps, then so be it - just for you.

I'm very, very sure you are not unattractive or frumpy. Don't let him make you feel like that. You are beautiful and worthy in your own right.

Right ladies - I am going to eat that meal I made right now.

Birdfromdanorf - I am also self emoloyed, so understand some of your concerns about time and money for exercise - have you thought about walking? I try to do just 30 mins (15 out, turn around, back the same way!) each day. It doesn't take as much effort as going to the gym or pool - none of that packing bags and stuff! Perhaps you are fitter than me, so maybe a run??

ps love this post - ignore initial bitchy comments OP - you are worth it!

Can I join too?
I managed to go for a coffee with a friend I hadn't seen for a long time and strangely hearing that she is going thru difficult times too made me feel a bit better about my messy life? I often feel that everybody else's life is so much better: great partners, great jobs, great houses, great social lifes etc. that my grim single-parent-life feels quite miserable.

I have found a new job (was made redundant earlier this year), found a new flat closer to parents and my kids are great but I still feel not adequate, stupid and ugly. I could use some positive vibes...

Of course you can join america - welcome.

I think sometimes we avoid people whose lives we think are great. It's often the case that it's not, and they need friends too.

Why do so many women feel stupid and ugly? We're not - we're all gorgeous in our own way. You've found a new job, are closer to your parents and your kids are great - look how much you've achieved.

And, tonight, I had two helpings of dinner - yum, yum!

...and then I went to FB and saw that a woman I know and who treated me really badly when I was already down (and who is one of those have-it-all people) has had another beautiful baby with her loving partner and has posted pics of all of them in their massive house... I am ashamed to admit that I feel even worse now. I am going to bed, will try to find the silverlining tomorrow.

America - she may have-it-all but she is clearly not a beautiful person. Shallow and vain I'm guessing.

I remember in a yoga class i used to do the teacher said just to enjoy my class i didnt have to compare myself to anyone ie i might be next to someone that is more bendy but i might have more upper body strength etc.I try and take that wherever i go ,we all have strengths and weaknesses but love yourself ,dont have negative self talk because you think someone is better more capable than you .We all have self doubt but as i get older i tend to "Just do it"instead of thinking about doing it ,enjoy your lives and look after yourselves ,stay in the moment and dont spread yourselves too thin.I surround myself with positive people that give me good vibes ,i dont bother with the downer folk in my life anymore it was just bringing me DOOM.I please myself then i am happy and if others dont like it they can piss off,start telling yourselves you are fab and your mind will believe you ,it just needs a bit of loving.I love being me now ,it has taken me nearly a year to get here reading,counselling and clearing out all the shite that was holding me back ,but i was stopping myself b4 now i just get on with it ,no analysing ,no self destruction ,just me and my kids taking everyday as it comes x

Saw a plaque in a shop yesterday -

Look for the wonderful in today

I will look .

going to take the dcs on a lovely walk today
going to drink 8 glasses of water

are you ok utterly?

Hi armbow, thanks for asking, tend to feel very low in the mornings, day improved slightly though.

had lovely walk and came back and made lovely a homemade soup - yum!

going out with some girlfriends tonight.

glad your day is getting better utterly