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Original poster

I confronted him and he confessed

81 replies

UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 15:56

Been with dp over a year, don't live together, although he has mentioned this as a natural progression.

Was looking at my email and as he is on my contact list it showed that he and another woman were 'friends'.

Confronted him this morning and he said he couldn't remember adding her to his msn, although he did log in with me there and she was on his contacts. Move on a few hours later and he confesses that he signed up with an on line sex meet up web site and was emailing her, which obviously progressed to msn and god knows what else. He has said that he realised that he wanted to be with me and though wtf was he doing, so no more contact, according to him - this was all by text as I was at work.

Obviously so many questions going through my mind, am meeting him later to hear a full confession.

I am devastated, angry and a whole lot more, just needed to vent.

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 10/09/2010 15:58

Just over a year and he is emailing sex lines??

I'd say you've had a very lucky escape.

Original poster
UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 15:59
Sad
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AnyFucker · 10/09/2010 16:00

you are only together one year and don't live together ?

count this as a lucky heads-up

unless it was made clear he and you were still free to check out what else was on offer/shag other people

if monogamy was promised, bin him and move on

MollysChambers · 10/09/2010 16:01

Sorry but if he is doing this so early on in the relationship then, frankly, it's time to move on.

Original poster
UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 16:02

we were exclusive Sad

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Original poster
UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 16:02

or so I thought Sad

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perfumedlife · 10/09/2010 16:02

Its rotten i know. It seems he is only telling you in piecemeal. If you are being lied to, how do you know he hasnt been sleeping with her?

Honestly, it really is better to find out now, before joint mortgages, babies and weddings.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 10/09/2010 16:02

You had a convesration about all this by text? Shock

Prepare a list of questions and just listen. Don't tell him what you're going to do with the information just yet, unless of course you have an immediate burst of clarity and know without doubt that this is a deal-breaker for you.

He has lied already, so be prepared for more. Find your own evidence therefore to verify/disprove what he is saying. This means speaking to the woman concerned.

I am assuming you both agreed a monogamous relationship and that registering for sex sites/having sex with others wasn't part of the deal? I am not being facetious, but it's worth reviewing whether you werre both on the same page here - and what his response would be if the situations were reversed.

AnyFucker · 10/09/2010 16:04

ok, lucky escape

this is not Mr Wonderful, sweetie

accept you have had a nice year together, but he has shit all over it, so you will be moving along without him

his loss (I hope it was worth it...the stupid tosser)

DinahRod · 10/09/2010 16:04

Aside from what he's actually got up to, or not, do you really want to be with the kind of man who frequents on-line sex meet up sites? Eueww.

You're only a year in. Loud sirens.

Original poster
UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 16:04

it is a deal breaker, he hasn't lied as such, I just caught him out and he confessed Sad

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 10/09/2010 16:08

Well the "I can't remember adding her to MSN" is a lie, isn't it? What you're telling us is that he didn't immediately say "Yes, she is a woman on a sex site I've been contacting."

Agree with everyone here that this early in a relationship, when you don't even live together, there are red flags arriving by the bucketful here. In your shock, please don't bargain these away.

AnyFucker · 10/09/2010 16:08

good for you, UD

I wouldn't even be reasonable here

I wouldn't want to review anything at all

End of relationship, no more questions asked

This isn't a 20yr marriage, with kids involved

Best to just cease contact, forthwith

Of course, this is only my viewpoint, there will be others

SolidGoldBrass · 10/09/2010 16:11

You say you thought you were exclusive - but was it ever actually discussed? If not, while I appreciate you are hurt and upset, you didnt actually have any automatic right to expect exclusivity if you never discussed it.
If monogamy is very important to you and he's not inclined towards it then cut your losses and move on straight away as you are basically not compatible.

However, if he did know that monogamy was important to you and was still putting himself about, then you should definitely walk, because he's not prepared to be monogamous and he thinks his feelings are more important than yours. If you forgive him this time he might well decide that he can do it again as long as he weeps and apologises every time he's caught out, and that yu'll put up with it.

Original poster
UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 16:13

I just want to hear what he has to say, face to fact, the text thing was because I was a work and he obviously thought it would be easier for him.

I am in no doubt whatsoever that I no longer want/need him in my life. As I said, was venting.

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Original poster
UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 16:14

We discussed exclusive, it was a mutal thing.

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Original poster
UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 16:49

Just text him that the trust is gone so no point meeting, don't want to hear his sorry excuses that will no doubt be turned around to be my fault in some way Sad Sad Sad

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lazarusb · 10/09/2010 17:02

Be strong. You deserve better. :(

AnyFucker · 10/09/2010 17:03

aww, you poor thing, sweetheart x

you can move on from this

I applaud your strength

Original poster
UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 17:11

thank you. I know I deserve better, am just so Sad. I know it's the right thing to do just not easy. I really can't meet him, no point, he will just turn it on me, oh you made me do it blah blah, and I will start to doubt myself and I just can't let that happenSad.

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AnyFucker · 10/09/2010 17:13

no, you must not let that happen

he doesn't sound like a great bloke at all (apart from the other crap) if your first reaction to the prospect of meeting up is that he will turn it all around on you

listen to your head

perfumedlife · 10/09/2010 17:16

Well i think you are marvellous for sending that text.

Whats the point, it would only be a waste of precious life, he wasted enough already.

AnyFucker · 10/09/2010 17:24

< quick hijack >

perfumedlife...are you a namechanger ?

I haven't seen your name before, but you rock, lady Smile

sorrento56 · 10/09/2010 17:27

Just wondering if you could log in as him and chat to her if you wanted to find out more about what they had been doing? If you have made the decision to finish things then you made that choice for a reason and stick with it. Good luck.

Original poster
UtterlyDevastated · 10/09/2010 17:30

Thank you for replies. He is texting that that 'spoke' once, so thinks I am being harsh. He is not getting the point that he signed to a website in order to cheat on me Sad.

I don't need or want to know anymore, that is enough of a deal breaker for me Sad Sad Sad

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