I confronted him and he confessed

[UtterlyDevastated]

Been with dp over a year, don't live together, although he has mentioned this as a natural progression.

Was looking at my email and as he is on my contact list it showed that he and another woman were 'friends'.

Confronted him this morning and he said he couldn't remember adding her to his msn, although he did log in with me there and she was on his contacts. Move on a few hours later and he confesses that he signed up with an on line sex meet up web site and was emailing her, which obviously progressed to msn and god knows what else. He has said that he realised that he wanted to be with me and though wtf was he doing, so no more contact, according to him - this was all by text as I was at work.

Obviously so many questions going through my mind, am meeting him later to hear a full confession.

I am devastated, angry and a whole lot more, just needed to vent.

So sorry you are going through this.

my name says it all really (although I admit to namechanging for this). I have felt sick and tearful all day

so sorry utterly but bin him and move on, and count your blessings you found out early on.

I know, am just going through the shock phase, like many women out there would never have thought he would do this to me

so, so sorry - it's horrible. you sound strong, and it will get better. Take it easy

I KNOW I deserve better, am just so

Ud you are better than this. He is a knobber who thought he would keep his options open. You deserve complete devotion.

He is a fool and although you are understandably devastated he's at least given you the chance to go out and find a real man.

Imagine if you missed one of the good guys because you were wasting more time on a moron?

Keep telling yourself you deserve better. Because it's true!

< quick hyjack>

AnyFucker, fresh as a daisy but scarily in agreement with you at all times sister

Bet you are sad about all this. My XP did very similar. So hurtful to find out you've put more into a relationship and thought things were a certain way, when they weren't. Don't get how some people think it's ok to behave how they see fit then expect you to understand when they say 'oops, big mistake'. Well done for being strong so far, good luck staying strong

He thinks because he only contacted her once and then decided it was me he wanted to be with, that was okay. Obviously I only have his very dubious word on this but it's not up for discussion with him, he has betrayed my trust.

It's a mindfuck of the highest order - 'I went out and looked to meet someone but realised i wanted you' - BUT the hurtful bit is you went looking in the first place! crap behaviour

you went looking in the first place is the bit he doesn't get

He never will - he'll claim boredom, moment of madness, other rubbish reason. It's like that saying 'if she meant nothing, it's worse, because she meant more than me at the time'. It's hard as the part of you that believed in your relationship probably wants to believe in him. Hope you don't give in though - what an arse!

I feel what you're going through and think these replies are fabulous. I found out recently that my partner of 7yrs has been texting/calling another woman for the past year. He always denied she was anything other than someone he occasionally saw at work, but I went through his mobile bills (terrible but I needed to know I wasn't going mad) and he's been texting her on average 80 times a month + late night calls, always when he wasn't with me. I'm devastated and humiliated. He's bitterly sorry and pleading for another chance, has cut all contact with her and says it's me he wants, but it's the thought of him being so emotionally attached (they both insist nothing physical)for some long, that really hurts. I don't want to move on, but know that I have to. Good luck - keep your head up and be strong. xx

What a scum bag. Don't let him persuade you that he's the one for you. If he thought that he wouldn't have signed up for a sex chat line.

You deserve so much better and you'll find it in time and with someone who will want you and as importantly respect you.

I won't back down on this, this is unforgivable

coco, for you.

If he's done it once.... it's an old chestnut but true. Your resolve is great, I only wish I'd made decisions like that in the past instead of giving them one more chance. There are nice men out there, take your time, be yourself. They will be lucky to have you. :)

ONe thing to pat yourself on the back for, OP: you are smart enough and have sufficient self-esteem to date a man for at least a year before moving in with him or getting PG. Lots of people end up in disastrous situations by rushing into maximum commitment after a couple of months.
It's rotten, don't be ashamed of feeling bad, but you can at least just bin him completely and move on happily. Best of luck.

Turns out he was "naughty chatting" with her, once so he says . He has said sorry but has given the usual excuses and being defensive, I am just so gutted .

oh and the old chestnut of "at least I confesse",err NO, YOU WERE CAUGHT OUT .

This is the right thing girl. The first year is when he should forget other women walk the earth. He should be fighting lions to get to you, showering you in compliments and kisses and just weak at the thought of you.

And that will be the case, with the right person. This frees you up to now go out and meet the 'one' who does make you feel so special. You deserve it, get out there.

And remember, the best revenge is living well.

Perfumed, you reply about the first year has really made me think. Get out there, really?

woke up crying this morning

Look, it;s raw now but the pain will heal. Just don't be fooled by how much it hurts into thinking this means you should forgive him because he's The One. There are plenty of men out there.