facebook

[choclab]

not sure if im over reacting ..

my DH on FB ,has lots of friends , female to , i do to , not a problem ..

however ,i saw he is mailing a girl he knows they were exchanging conversation , be it light and about this and that ...

i said to DH , not sure i like that ? he said i was overreacting ...and was just a friend ..

he got quite defensive , i said i thought he was and he said he wasnt ...

am i over reacting ...

yes you are

why shouldn't he talk to a rfiend on facebook?

ok thanks

its just was in private message i guess ...

I private message loads, I'm lazy and CBA to email when FB is already open but I don't want to share the messages with the world and his dog.

Calm down choclab!

yabu! Have a large Galaxy.

yeah but it's no different to actually e-mailing, or texting is it?

just came over all funny oops... ill apologise then

What were the messages about?

this and that , clips on FB , his work ...
she ended them with x

Yeah that's normal. Nothing to be worried about unless there's lots of more intimate stuff. They'd hide that, though.

Have another square of chocolate.

thanks ..

im a bit emotional and feeling low at moment so i sure im over reacting .

I end all messages, emails, texts with xxx to pretty much everybody apart from tradesmen and the DCs school :)

Depends how 'friendly ' messages were....and why go private?

hmmm

choclab...what does hmmm mean? Do you think there was more to these messages?

Now you're just planting seeds Alison!!

He was chatting, I agree with the rest, split open some chocolate and go mad

Depends really - not sure I agree with the you're over-reacting opinion. Something's made you feel uneasy presumably about these messages?

it wasnt the messages that alarmed , me they read ok , general chit chat ..

i guess its the fact , theres another woman ,chatting to my DH , in private message , with a x at the end ...

i dont like the feel of that ...

he has many female friends on there , and iv never had a problem with that ,its just he was showing me some clip someone had put on wall , and he showed me , then i saw he has a message , so i said hay click on it see whos messaged you ..
then i saw it was this girl ...and there were about 4 other messages .(same girl)
i read them and seemed all ok , but i got jelouse i think ....
and thats when i politely said , dont think i like that to much ...

he said , come on iv known her for years ...dont be silly ...

im having a few low self asteam probs at moment , and i lost my wonderful mum 6 weeks ago , so emotions all over the place ...

i guess its just me , over reacting ..

(slaping ones self on face )....ouch ...

will have a talk to him later if still bothering me ...

choclab..

Not to alarm you but I had the same reaction to a woman posting on my partner's fb.. there was nothing personal about the messages but just a feeling that made me uneasy.

Turned out I was right and they did go on to have an affair. Had I mentioned those messages making me uncomfortable.. maybe it would have nipped it in the bud and it wouldn't have happened.. I'll never know.

Just keep an eye if you can and I hope your experience won't be the same as mine.

i agree

FB update ..

things been ok , just was our wedding ann yesterday 10 years ...

DH made comment on his wall saying 10 years with lovley wife ..time flys ..

i thought was nice , people commented ...and this girl did also , a few times , stating cngrats , etc plus what the secret as i have no man or DH ....fine i thought ..so i replyed thatnk you , hope we will be doing something nice later ..
she again commented saying ...oh iv told him , what i think he should do ...

i just dont like all this , secret messaging , its not on his wall , hes been acting odd , ddnt get me a card , nothing , had awful night ,

haveent mentioned girl , at all since weeks ago to him , want to but think he will , kick off again ...

is it me ?
or is it ok for a married an to secret message single girl on FB ...just doesnt sit well with me ...

anyone ?

It wouldn't sit well with me either, I'm afraid, but I am a jealous/insecure type of girl. I know people have innocent convos privately and there is nothing in it at all, but if you have a bit of a feeling I would say listen to it. I personally think it's virtually impossible for a man and woman to be 'just friends' without one or the other developing feelings towards the other. I'd sit down and tell him all you are thinking; no card, private messages etc and get it all in the open. Don't bottle it up, you've had enough to deal with losing your mum, which I'm sorry to hear. Wish you well (sorry about no paragraph breaks - mning on mobile)

thank you ...

im really upset ..hense not sleeping ...

i gave him 2 cards , one to say thank you for standing by me as i know iv been bad etc ...stroke , stroke , and another for our 10 years ann ...he glanced at them and that was that ...

he will blowup i know if i mention this girl i know , but i really dont feel right about it >>

choclab I e-mail a male friend a lot. He is my best friend. He is married and I mail his wife but less. I have no interest in a sexual (or even emotional) affair with him. He's a useful friend, but just a friend.

I know the boundary between friend and lover and would never cross it.......... but it is an easy boundary to miss.

I think if my partner accused me of crossing it and ordered me to stop chatting to Mr X I'd feel like my partner was controlling, accusatory and out of order and it would harm our relationship.

If he sat down and said....look I'm apologising first ....but I feel vulnerable and scared because you mean the world to me...and I fear another man taking you away...... please reassure me it isn't a risk and can we talk if our relationship goes stale? I'd know he loved me rather than wished to own me.