Come and talk to me about the protocol for single women being friends with married men

[Panoramic]

... and help me get out of a mess I seem to have obliviously ambled into. The mess is too wearisome to explain in detail, but the short version is that a woman in my village who I have been friendly with in the past but less so of late, but whose husband I do get along well with - and have got up to no funny business with - has been gossiping about me getting too friendly with her husband and telling people that she thinks there may be something going on between us. There isn't.

This had never occurred to me before now, because I have a handful of male married friends who help me out or come over for a meal and a chat with their wives' blessings, but is there a protocol that I'm missing, for how single women generally should and shouldn't interact with male friends who are in a relationship?

Please tell me, as a rule, are greeting hugs/pecks on the cheek OK? Them helping unblock a drain or fix a burst pipe? Can I have a drink with them? Can they pop over for an impromptu chat and meal (that I'm cooking for myself anyway)? What does and doesn't look OK from the outside looking in? Because I have obviously got something wrong somewhere along the line - even if that's just been being nice and friendly and not looking like the back end of a bus.

I really don't rate being gossiped about as a morally bankrupt husband predator (which I'm not), and want to make sure I know The Rules moving forward so I can make sense of why this has happened, and make sure it doesn't happen again.

Thanks.

I see what you mean, deb

And I was being annoying

However, I thought you were wrong to say "most" women would react in the same way as the one described in the OP (ie. in bunny boiler fashion)

and I was sticking up for women in a general way to say "I don't think "most" women think their husbands are shagging all the neighbourhood's single women"

I think "most" women would prefer their husband's did their own odd jobs, drain-unblocking, spent quality time with their own family etc etc

'often the married women are doing the bulk of other household jobs e.g. childcare, housework, cooking, washing including for the DH; not that they're incapable of DIY. Most married women also work outside the home too. I could paint the bathroom but then I would expect DH to do his share of cooking, cleaning, supervising homework etc.'

Er...if you're working and you're doing a disproportionate amount of childcare/housework, well, that kind of suggests a rather more serious imbalance in the assumption of domestic work than the fact that one partner has - gasp - a friend with differently-arranged genitalia.

Still depressed at the idea that we should all be stuck within the family home, with no chance of even a quick friendly kiss on the cheek from someone not immediately connected to you through procreation...

OP I just have one question. When it was your friend's birthday, why did you only invite him over? Surely if you are a family friend, which is what you made it sound like later, then you would invite the whole family?

I am trying to imagine a scenario in which I would invite one half of a couple to come over for dinner without the other one, and I can't!

Here's a tip for you Panoramic, rule n.1 : Back Off

What a joke!

Your (ex) friend is annoyed that she is left to hold the fort whilst her DH is having a nice relaxing time with you.
If their house is ship shape and the children tucked up in bed, perhaps she would like to go out socialising too?
What do you not understand?

Most men would run a mile to have a drink with their male friends, rather than go fixing pipes for a woman they are not attracted to.
Their wives would have to ask, and ask, and ask, before they'd actually give in and do it.

It's nice that you have a handful of married men friends who come along for chats and help you with stuff; and their wives are all cool with this, and there is no flirting involved at all?
Gee! People sound really nice where you are.

What planet do you live on Panorama?
Why don't you find yourself some single men friends to play with?

WhenIFeelNormal

I wish I'd read your post now. Damnit!

SGB you are brilliant.