just seen this thread. Having a very wobbly day.
am going to use this as an outpouring, and i do hope that is ok.
Met D when we were both 20. Married by the time we were 22. During this time he cheated on me once that i knew off, and then a lot of the time i suspected him ,but didnt know for sure.
He asked me to marry him, and with things bad at home and a promise of moving away i was more than happy to.
He was cheating within months of being married, i suspected and found texts. I was accsued of being over sensitive, susicous, jealous, and that if i didnt stop id drive him to cheat. Even in the light of proof he still denied it, making me call her on the phone and then having a go at me so she couild hear.
I gained weight, he called me discusting, he told me he told this other woman he found me discusting.
He had friends over the whole time, i would get home from work to find a housefull and be expected to cook for them all and provide beers. When i complained i was being anti social.
He belittled me in front of friends, saying he provided everything in the house and i didnt. which was not true. If i said anything i needed to get a grip and was over emotional.
First xmas he phoned me about the 20th dec saying he didnt love me and wanted a divorce. Then 2 days later changed his mind.
He went away for 9 months,coming home every other weekend, i lost weight. He then went away for a few months, in this time i found secret emails to girls and that he had joined dating sites. He told he it was just a laugh.. or that he was looking for a nother woman to join us, and i was being selfish and pathetic and needed to grow up.
He returned home with his bags full of half naked pics of girls, and letters from friends saying they were sorry his marriage was crap.
When questioned he just denyied knowledge and said i was suspicos and pushing him away.
He would go out and come home without his wedding ring on.
I should add here, that he ws in the army, so i gave up everything to be with him. house, family, friends jobs, and moved miles and miles to be with him.
He used to have a go at how i kept the house, undermine me, throw plates at me if i questioned him. Call me selfish.
We moved abroad, a fresh start. he promised the earth. We had a great summer. He went away - came back and wanted a baby. I wasnt quite ready and then he changed his mind.
He soon started just playing on pc games all the time. We spent no time togther. i would have to beg him to spend any time with me. I went to bed on my own. If he wanted sex he woke me up in the night. If i didnt want to, he would just carry on and eventually i would give in. Or he would get angry and ask what had happened to my sex drive.
I got ill and ended up being raced into hospital. He was hung over and depsite trying to wake him i called my own ambulance and went off by my self. despite not speaking the langunage. It was 8 hours before he vistied me. Then he only visited me 30 mins each day. I was stuck in hospital, not speaking the language on my own.
The morning after i came home i logged online to check my emails. It automatically logged into his msn and some girl starts chatting to him about how was is night on the piss. Turns out he had been chatting to women online again. He packed his bags saying i was jealous and couldnt trust him so would not be with me.
I begged him back.
My job wasnt good enough ( very limited jobs) i wasnt making enough money, i was lazy, fat, selfish. I watched rubbish tv programmes, my hobbies were crap, i hadnt lived enough life, he knew more than me, i was pathetic when he met me.
This were things i was told on a daily basis.
He went away again. Two days before he was due to come back he called me and said he wasnted a divorce. I then could not contact him until he got home, which took 3 days. By the time he came home he said he made a mistake and just missed me.Things were ok and i got pg. It was planned.
Once day i found an email from a girl where he had been away at. and a large phone bill. He said they were just friends and the normal speil came out.
Finally he confessed to all the affairs, told me it was my fault. and he wanted a divorce. He did this by phone as he was in the uk and i was abroad. I flew back to the uk to try and sort things out. i was 3 months pg. he told me he couldnt decide but i was to go back abraod and wait for him to return in two months time and he would have decided by then.
He came back and said he was just being silly.
The constant underming happened daily, i was awrong, or i was silly, ior i was stupid. or i was overemotional to recating to him.
There was physical abuse. Throwing tihngs, or me across the room. pushing me. trapping my finger in a door, taking my keys so i couldnt leave. But as he never punched me he siad it wasnt domestic abuse and i was pathetic and noone would listen to me.
I had our child and everything was ok for a few weeks. One day he was in a very bad mood. we were arguing about something, i dont remember what. he kicked a chair out from under me and threw my hairbrush at me. It narrowly missed our child who was laying on the bed. I went mental at him. he said i was over reacting and pathetic. We went for a walk with the dog. Because i refused to talk to him he ran off with the dog and buggy leaving me stranded with no mobile phone, 5 weeks post c section stuck at the top of a moutain that had snow on it. I was patetic for not talking to him and needed to get over myself.
I went back to the uk to show our child off to family.
He phoned me and told me he had moved out. He then hung up and turned his phone off for a week.
I went back abraod and he told me i had to move.
I packed up the house, went back to the uk and stayed at my dads.
2 months past
He called and said he was going away again and i had better come back abroad so he could spent time with his child before he went and that if i didnt, and anything happened to him it would be my fault.
I went back.
He was meant to see his child on the friday, the day before. He never turned up. He was awol for 8 hours. his parents called the police. When he eventually came home at 2am he was fuming as it was my fault apparently. He had gone to see some girl off the internet.
I spent two weeks with him then. It came to light he had been sening all the girls he had cheated with pics of our child.
I found a job and a house and started afresh. he called me in nov to say he missed me and wanted to give it another go. I told him i didn not know, but would see when he got back. He came back in feb for 2 weeks and it was ok. It took another year before he was back in the uk and after 6 months he asked for a house off the army and we moved back in. I had no choice in this. he told me it was silly to be apart and i was stopping us being a proper family.
The constant digs and undermining started again on the day i moved back in with him.
Within 6 weeks it was over. I found a secret email account by chance that had pics of him cshagging various women in. One when we had just got back together. he told me it was olf and didnt matter and lets have a chinease for tea. I couldnt even look at him, but he said i was over emotional and patheitc and was driving him away.
The next two weeks was awful. He just ignored me, refused to talk to me, Was never in teh house. I kicked him out and it seems he started a relationship with someone the next day. ( because thats ever so likely).