I've fallen for someone big time, feel out of control and stupid

[FrazzleRock]

I'm an idiot. I stupid idiot.
I met him on Match about a month ago. Had three dates in that time. During that time he went to France for two weeks and I waited for him.
I feel so totally head over heels in love (lust?) and we get on really well and have lots in common. We arranged to meet again Sat night just gone but he told me on Friday the following:

"I need to be honest I'm not sure it's a good idea to meet. I don't believe we have a future. I know we will end up in bed so if you are just after a little no strings fun then maybe ok. But if you are looking for something serious then maybe we shouldn't. I'll leave it up to you. X"

I just wanted to see him again (I know, I know) and responded with:

"Well it's not really a huge surprise! I can't see myself having a future with anyone right now. Way too soon for all that. No strings fun sounds perfect to be honest. I knew it from the start, why not just enjoy it xx"

So, Saturday happened. We went for dinner then a drink then back to his.
We had a really good time at the restaurant and the pub. Back at his we still had a great time, he was really affectionate.
However, he never even got it up!
I asked him if he was really tired or something as he was clearly enjoying kissing and cuddling. He said we just don't "connect" therefore couldn't actually have sex (wtf? "No strings fun"?)
I said "so you don't find me attractive or sexy then?" he said "of course I do!"
I said "so is that it?" He said "yes"
I then said "So, we're not going to see eachother again?"
He looked really shocked and said ", Why would you say that?!"
He spent the rest of the night kissing me and stroking my hair until I fell asleep. Then cuddled me really tightly all night.
I'm so confused!

I just don't understand. Why couldn't he just be horrible and distant? Why bother with all the affection?

He removed his profile from Match a week or so ago but I've just gone on tonight and he's back on!

Obviously I feel really stupid but I don't regret going to his as I felt I needed to.
I feel stupid for allowing myself to get so wrapped up in him.

I feel sick to see him back on Match. Even though I know he doesn't want us to have a future.

He texted me yesterday (when I got home) asking me about my day (why?)

I just don't know how I'm going to get over him. I know with time I will and I'm chewing my fingers off so I don't contact him. But I feel so sick and anxious all the time. I want to cry so much but it's stuck on my chest.

I'm just such an idiot. How could I have let this happen? I'm 31 years old ffs, I should know better

sorry for typos - too much wine!

Hi Frazzle glad you had a nice night I guess if you seen him 4 times and still no spark there is probably never going to be one and the way i see it is we all need friends so you could just have made another one.

No harm in telling him about Ben especially as you were talking about exes at the time.

Hmmm the facebook guy, yes you should mention it your friend , and hey go for a beer if you want to but if he is hoping for more that could be an issue seeing as you have never been attracted.

Ben number 2 and one pic? Well no you can't really judge just from one pic but I do that too and I have tried the they may look better in real life approach and yes sometimes they have done and sometimes .... not! I guess all you can do is meet for a drink and decide.

At least all this is distracting you a bit from pining over Ben, although if you are anything like me the wine last night coupled with the date with the no spark guy has probably made you dwell on it all again.... normal behaviour and doesn't mean you are going backwards

Yeah, I did come home and dwell on it all again. Looked at pictures and read thorugh our first emails to eachother
I'm desperate to tell him I miss him, it's taking all my strength not to text him.
I so hope ~I don't text him while drunk in Ibiza - that would be mortifying.
I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't!

A bit concerned about the old friend. I think I might have a word with my friend.

Right, I'm all packed, heading off tomorrow morning after school drop off. If there's free wifi in the hotel I'll catch up, if not, see you when I get back!
I wonder what kind of mood I'll be in then.....

Have a fantastic time, I knew you would have thought about Ben, no please please don't text him, too late now but what you should do is delete his number, write it down somewhere first because I know that thought would horrify you.

I bet you'll have such a great time in Ibiza that you'll heal a lot more.

I met my new guys 3 yr old little boy last night, I was a bit worried because my son is 18 now and I'm not used to little ones any more. But have to say it's a tough call now because he is so adorable and quite a catch too because he even has his own tree house

Hey I'm back!
Had a good time although wouldn't go again.
The sunset at Cafe Del Mar was truly amazing and it was heaven to lie on a beach in peace with no children! I also have a bit of a tan to lift my spirits

I can't say I did much healing, thought about him a lot actually, especially given the kind of guys there. It really was like being in a monkey enclosure in the evenings
Still, I felt better when I spoke via text to Ben2 yesterday

Wow, bridget. You've met his little boy! That's progress I laughed at your tree house comment - a catch indeed!
How do you feel about new guy now?

I texted the old friend and suggested we all meet up for a catch up. He thought it was a good idea and I've invited my friend along.
Just trying to sort out sitters is a nightmare and really costly at the moment what with dates, Ibiza, birthday celebrations and such like. I need to calm down!