The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Next Stop Sobriety!

[Mouseface]

Hello, welcome to thread number six!!

I'm Mouse and, thanks to these threads, I quit the booze on August 2nd 2010.

This truly is a fantastic source of support for anyone who wants it! Full of real, honest, everyday people who are all at different stages of quitting the booze, cutting down or being long term sober.

There are no judgmental 'know-it-alls' here, whatever your circumstances, you will be supported all the way.

Come and meet the rest of The Brave Babes........

And, as before, here are the previous five threads for those who would like to see how this all began.

JWN's original thread (the reason we are all here)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Ok Mouse - I guess that is the reason we all do it. JWN is dispensing leg slaps today though, be warned

Nice to see you back here.

mouse - you have more control than i do, i think if i started i would drink the pub dry and then go on a bender!! , im ashamed to say that i can make sailors look like wimps in the drinking stakes!

MsGee

No, everything does not fall into place. Not at all. Being sober enables you to deal with your life with a clear head and heart.

Simple as that. Drink fogs you up, clouds your mind and blurs your view on life.

Little things become HUGE and unbearable. Your outlook on life is skewed and not a true picture of what is really happening.

You mental, emotional and physical 'self' is affected by alcohol. To what degree depends on how you much drink and how often.

Stopping drinking is just the start. Being sober is the only real way to deal with any other issues/problems/demons you may need to face to get your life back.

Sorry if I have just X posted with everyone!! Or, if you feel I shouldn't comment given that I drank on Sunday.

msgee, you are dead right, being sober does not make the crap parts of life go away, i just find them so much easier to deal with sober, i can make sober decisions, not drunken, crappy knee-jerk ones - it makes such a huge differance in my everyday dealings, particuarly with regards to my dh and dd - apart from the general bickering over silly things that everyone does, we have not had a major, nasty, bitter row since i stopped drinking - says a lot about who was the cause of most of the strife in our family i think!

"Have other people had a point where they have stopped drinking for a while and they think, hmmn, everything isn't automatically wonderful?"

Yes. It's called life. If anyone is hoping that everything will be wonderful, it's not AA or an internet thread that they need, it's a wizard.

However, being sober does mean that you will stop worsening already bad things and you will also be in a stronger position to deal with them.

"And then, when do you start to sort out or even identify the other things that are crappy in your life? At what point do you do that?" You will probably find that, in many ways, this just happens - for example, you will no longer be pissing the price of a pony up the wall each week, so your money worries may ease; you will prbably find you work better and for longer without a hangover, so the work sitaution improves; you may find you row less with your partner when you are not shit-faced; and so on.

My advice would be to let those things take their course (and, if you are in AA, start considering working the steps or doing the same thing in an alternative way) and then, when as many things as possible have sorted themselves out, start to think about tackling the residual ones, slowly, realistically, and initially one at a time in the order in which they are spoiling your life.

MsGee I like your question because I think that's the stage I am at about now (Day 26 for me today). I've been feeling really down over the weekend, the initial euphoria evaporated and all the things I've been escaping from (ok, trying to escape from) through drinking are now things I have to deal with.

For me it's my work, my job in general and having to work full time. It gets me down and depresses me. Many evenings I am crying when I get home. And there seems like no way out. Not a reason or an excuse, but certainly something I would like to escape from.

Clearly this is something that needs addressing urgently and maybe if I hadn't escaped from it by drinking every evening for so long, I would have addressed it long ago???

Sorry no advice by the way, I haven't figured this out myself yet. I do need a better way of dealing with things though.

mouse, you had drink, not murdered anyone!, cause you must still comment, this place wouldnt be the same without you!

Mcgee and maddogs that struck a cord with me.

I have always drunk more when finding things hardand I can see now it doesn't help but infact makes hinge alot worse.

Mouse of course you can comment. You are right, the fact that I am even asking the Q perhaps shows that the fog is lifting and I am ready to think about other things.

JWN also right ... I always thought that making crappy knee jerk reactions was part of my personality but when I think about it ... I haven't made any in the last 12 days. Something for me to consider there.

MIFLAW you are right, DH always jokingly pointed out to me that I was forever coming up with grand schemes to turn my life around (never to stop drinking till now) and then got more depressed when a new to do list, or a house move or a new office didn't work. I guess I was hoping that this one was big enough to work it all out. And you are right, money is improving already and I feel slightly more in control re work. I had a look at the AA steps and they seem a bit ... spiritual. I am not sure how they work as an aetheist who has no belief in any other power. I always thought that if I did this it has to be because I am strong enough, nothing external?

maddogs - it sounds positive that you have identified what a major issue for you is. Is it feasible to tackle? can you look for something else or reduce your hours? I think its great that you know what it is.

I'm not really sure what the problem is for me. Since having DD I have been more content than ever before but I still struggle a lot. I have battled with depression a lot in the past and its not that. DH and I are happier than ever before so not that. I am lucky in my job, struggle with motivation but perhaps that is just me.

However, now I don't drink I realise that my anxiety re DD (and lots of things) is a problem. I could not sleep sun night being on a different floor to her (funny lay out of place we stayed in) and was almost relieved when I had to bring her in bed with me. I used to commute every day and now going into London is a major undertaking because it makes me so anxious. I can't decide if this is normal and I just haven't really taken the feelings on board because I drank, or if they are a problem. I think I despair of ever being in a place (mentally not physically) where I feel safe. And can therefore ensure DD is safe.

Afternoon everyone! I had huge amounts of food at lunchtime and I am feeling loads better! Still cross with myself but I have sent Diana off and she seems to be doing her job as I have not heard a murmer from the evil drinking witch for a while... Fingers crossed!

Of course we want your comments mouse! Each of us is as 'qualified' as the next person when it comes to boozing!

MsGee, JWN, maddogs, MIFLAW and feed lovely to see you about!

msgee, i really think your anxiety will lift as time goes on, i know mine has - i used to worry all the time, about money. safety, health, you name it!, i find i can take things in my stride now though, - i still dont sleep properly until dd comes in, for example - but i now dont lay there picturing her dead body in a ditch - my rationality has kicked back in, i know she is out with friends having a good time and is just late.

i suppose im trying to say that you need to give yourself some time, things level out in the end iyswim?

Thanks JWN, reassuring to know that its not all because I'm a mess!! Thinking about it when I drank I used to worry about something bad happening to her every single night (and most days) but nowadays its not every night. Perhaps I should focus on that rather than how far I have to go.

How is littleMsGee today?

"I had a look at the AA steps and they seem a bit ... spiritual. I am not sure how they work as an aetheist who has no belief in any other power. I always thought that if I did this it has to be because I am strong enough, nothing external?"

I think this is a common problem. However, I am happy to say that I am an agnostic and actually more confirmed in my agnosticism now than when I drank and I have no trouble at all with the steps.

For you to consider:

surely you can see, as an intelligent woman, that it does not follow from the non-existence of God that therefore you have control over everything. That would make YOU God, which must surely be a nonsense, especially for an atheist. So start with an acceptance that, whatever God is or isn't, you are not it.

Secondly, if you have no belief in any other power, why are you on this thread? Have you never seen a trade union in action? Surely you can accept that there is such a thing as a power which, while generated by humans, is greater than the sum total of the powers of the individuals involved? And are you not relying on just such a power by coming on this thread? Surely there is a power greater than you and outside of you?

Thirdly - and here I must ask you to humour me - can you imagine what a God would want if he or she or it did exist? Perhaps that God, like many gods, would want you to live a good life. To try to do the right thing. To take care of yourself. To make a concerted effort not to interfere in the lives of others and to focus instead on yourself. To stay honest. To avoid harming others. If you can imagine that, and it sounds reasonable, why don't you start trying to live like that, and worry later about whether or not the "god" behind it all actually exists or not?

Purely suggestions, and they apply to me primarily, but if they help you you are welcome to them.

well, dd has just bought her bf into the office to meet dh and df - he passed the test , managed to shake hands and sound intelligent! - i have now wave them off for a few days at centre-parks!, this is where my anxiety would have kicked in big time - 'oh my god, he is driving her, he will go too fast, oh my god, there is a swimming pool, she'll drown' etc etc, my rational sober brain now says, ok, accidents happen, hopefully not to her, i cant make her stay in her bedroom for ever and living life carries risks! - thats not to be lassiez-faire (fancy me trying to spell that! ), its just a more normal take on life i think.

have to go in a minute to get me glad-rags on!, i will be back late tomorrow night i should think - until then, i wish you happy and sober afternoons and evenings, and remember

TODAY WE ARE NOT DRINKING!!!

see you tomorrow!!!

L xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well done JWN - you sound very rational there. Very difficult for an alky of course! I am pleased that DD has a lovely BF!

JWN - good news on DD new bf ... enjoy getting glammed up!

Red - little miss is ok today. Not impressed about going to nursery (stand off on the pavement, big tantrum). Nursery rang to tell me she had pooed, very nice of them! But she did sleep through till 7am ... looks like a duvet might have been the answer. Ah, I miss her so much when she is at nursery. (it passes after an hour of picking her up and she has been stroppy).

MIFLAW - your post made me laugh (at myself). I thought of course I can control everything!! What on earth is he talking about... and then I thought, hmmn, perhaps I am not God after all. After some chuckling at myself I thought that perhaps that is what I need to accept first of all. And yes, you're right, I must believe in something to be on the thread, even if its just that other people can help. I can conjour up a Mother Nature, so will think on that one. But I suspect finding out that I am not God will take a bit of getting used to. Control is a Big Issue for me.

MsGee

note also that I only suggested you CONSIDER the Steps or do the same things in an alternative way.

Can you accept that your life is by and large fucked up?

Can you accept that your actions have in some respects been that of a mad person?

Are you willing to accept help with your problems?

Are you willing to review your past behaviour and be self-critical where it is due?

If you found the right person, could you tell him or her about it?

Can you imagine that, having done that, you would like to be less of an arsehole?

Can you then imagine making a positive effort to be less of an arsehole?

Can you acknowledge that you have wronged others?

Will you, at some point in the future, try to put right the wrongs you have done?

After all that, are you prepared to keep the "new you" ticking over, and pull yourself up short when you start being an arsehole again?

Can you accept that life is hectic and maybe you would benefit from some "quiet time"?

If all this works, are you willing to put something back by helping others in the same boat?

Non-spiritual enough for you?

"Control is a Big Issue for me."

An AA saying (it's certainly not in the Big Book ...) is, "if you believe that willpower works, try it on diaorrhea."

MIFLAW thanks for the non spiritual 12 steps. I like the straight talking. Makes much more sense now.

And your point on control is a good one... however, it is going to be hard to let go of my belief / need to feel as if I am controlling everything.

"however, it is going to be hard to let go of my belief / need to feel as if I am controlling everything."

In one fell swoop you prove to the satisfaction of all that you meet the stringent AA membership requirements ...

Am enjoying the conversation between MIFLAW and MsGee! Just wanted to let you know that I am here!

MsGee - my closest friend in AA is an atheist and he seems to get along fine. He gets a bit uncomfortable if people 'bang on' about God but overall it's just not an issue for him.

Thanks MIFLAW! Nice to know its not just me ...

Hi Red, are you working hard today?