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Original poster

Not sure if I'm being stupid about this - but dating and manly men

88 replies

navyeyelasH · 09/08/2010 20:53

Ok, when out on a date I usually expect the guy to get the first round in. I went on a date last week and I ended up getting in the first round and second, he got third.

Because of that I don't want to go out with the guy again, even though as far as first dates go it was ok.

I just want my men to be men, but not too manly, like farting and burping in public. God, what is wrong with me! AIBU?!

OP posts:
TDiddy · 09/08/2010 21:09

think you should give him a chance to be "manly" in other ways. Suppose this chappie is poor but is a decent bloke.

Lulumaam · 09/08/2010 21:11

what a ridicolous reason not to see him again!!

was he nice in other ways?

you want your men to be men should not equate with them having to stick to the rules they don't know about

you are being far FAR too picky.

why in this age of supposed eqaulity, why would you do this??

mummy2theboys · 09/08/2010 21:13

Maybe he was too nervous to even ask for the drinks, I have been in that situation. It maybe took him a wee while to warm up. Try and think back, did he seem nervous?

thesunshinesbrightly · 09/08/2010 21:33

I totally agree i wouldn't see him again either. what a turn off.

berries · 09/08/2010 21:43

don't think I'd see him again either tbh. don't mind paying my way but needs to be equal

berries · 09/08/2010 21:44

and first round depends on who did the asking !

atswimtwolengths · 09/08/2010 21:45

What happened after the first drink? Did you wait to see if he offered, or did you jump in out of embarrassment, thinking he wasn't going to ask?

And what happened when you first got there? Did he off and you insist?

colditz · 09/08/2010 21:46

I would happily get the first round in.

By the taim we got to the second round, if I was expected to pay for it I would, then I would make my excuses and leave, and not bother speaking to him again.

I don't leech, I don't expect other people to.

HerBeatitude · 09/08/2010 21:47

Were you drinking too fast for him? Grin

JaynieB · 09/08/2010 21:49

I went on a date with a chap and came home enraged that he had more or less let me pay for everything...somehow I agreed to go out with him again and ended up with him for the next 4 years. A lovely guy - not at all mean, I think he was teasing me a bit on the first date.
Saying that though - meanness is a very unattractive quality.

Gigantaur · 09/08/2010 21:49

I wouldn't have a problem getting the first round in. but i would expect him to get the second.

I Would maybe go on another date but if it happened again that would be it.

Original poster
navyeyelasH · 09/08/2010 21:56

Ok this is what happened. I got there about 3 mins late and he was already there, he was sat at a table so went down to join him. We chatted for about 5 mins, neither of us had a drink.

I initiated a conversation about the venue and wha sort of drinks he normally drinks etc. After about 8 mins of no drinks I said, "shall I get a round in?" And I did.

He had a pint I had a glass of white wine. He drank his pint first, I finished mine probably not far after him (but wasn't realy checking) and we both chatted for 10 mins with no-one offering tog et a drink. I had a random coughing fit and e suggested a drink might help - so I got the next round in!!

I then said I wasn't planning on staying out late (it was a school night), and wouldn't be drinking any more wine. After those drinks he offered to get another drink in.

I know it's irrational of me, I know it's unfair. But it still made me a bit Hmm about him. He was otherwise an okay person, not sure we totally clicked but it's hard to judge on a first date IMO. I just quite like that gentlemanly-ness in a guy. Maybe at 27 I'm old fashioned? I'd happy have got the second round, infact I'd have insisted on it but I feel like he should have got the first one in?

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 09/08/2010 22:01

He suggested a drink would help your coughing and then you had to buy it?

He sounds like he was expecting you to pay for all of the drinks. The fact he only bought a drink when you were having a soft drink tells me everything!

I'm the same - I would expect him to offer to buy the first drink, particularly in this situation where he was already there.

HerBeatitude · 09/08/2010 22:02

Oh it would put me off.

It's just bloody discourteous. If I'm with anyone and they buy me a drink, if it's time for another one then of course I'll return the favour. That's not just for dating, that's just when you've gone to the cinema with your mate.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 09/08/2010 22:03

If everything else was fine then give him another chance. Perhaps he was too swept up in the pleasure of your company to notice you'd finished your drink?

atswimtwolengths · 09/08/2010 22:03

I've spoken (online) to a few men who are very successful in getting dates. This has been due mainly to the shortage of attractive men rather than any particular quality they had. Each said how expensive it was - one said he could spend £400 a week in going out for dinner with different women, when you factored in taxis etc.

Maybe this man is tight, had paid for a few drinks for women who'd refused to see him again, and then thought he'd let other women in future treat him.

Minxie1977 · 09/08/2010 22:07

On a first date I'd hope we would both try to make the best first impression we could- if this is his best I'd hate to see his worst!! I wouldn't give him house room personally

atswimtwolengths · 09/08/2010 22:08

Me neither.

DivineInspiration · 09/08/2010 22:09

I wouldn't mind at all buying the first round (I actually feel more comfortable sharing the bill when I first meet somebody), but would definitely expect him to offer at the second. I don't think it's about 'manly', just fair. He sounds either mean, or skint. I suppose if the latter it's more understandable.

MaamRuby · 09/08/2010 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
navyeyelasH · 09/08/2010 22:17

I think I might agree to another date (so far I've fobbed him off a bit) and see what happens. I just know it's going to take a lot more now for me to change my opinion, he'll have to drape his coat over a puddle or something Grin.

£400 a week on dates sounds like far far too much to me! I spent less than £15 but still felt a bit miffed by it.

I think the problem might have been that he was playing it cool - but he just come across as a wanker tight. It also took him about 4 days to text me, I didn't text him either to be fair but after buying 2 drinks I felt I was owed!

It must be a bit of a minefield for guys to be fair - treading that fine line between pushy and courteous?

OP posts:
Original poster
navyeyelasH · 09/08/2010 22:21

"if this is his best I'd hate to see his worst"

This is exactly it! This was his chance to "show off" and well... it was a bit crap really!

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 09/08/2010 22:23

But navy, why do you want to see him again?

HerBeatitude · 09/08/2010 22:24

£400 a week on dates?

Blimey they're going it some.

JaynieB · 09/08/2010 22:24

Don't reckon he'll be getting the chance to blag drinks off you a second time then :)