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Original poster

Not sure if I'm being stupid about this - but dating and manly men

88 replies

navyeyelasH · 09/08/2010 20:53

Ok, when out on a date I usually expect the guy to get the first round in. I went on a date last week and I ended up getting in the first round and second, he got third.

Because of that I don't want to go out with the guy again, even though as far as first dates go it was ok.

I just want my men to be men, but not too manly, like farting and burping in public. God, what is wrong with me! AIBU?!

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 09/08/2010 22:24

It's not a fine line. No woman sincerely objects to men being generous or if not, fair in terms of buying drinks Confused

I think he sounds like a twunt. Sorry.

I wouldn't see him again and would only meet with him if I was curious to discover what subset of the twunt species he was 'lazy', 'mean' and 'oblivious to manners' being three which spring to mind.

Original poster
navyeyelasH · 09/08/2010 22:28

"But navy, why do you want to see him again? "

Because the first few replies suggested I was being a bit mean?! We did have a lovely conversation, but I'm quite good at talking to anywhere so long as they're not totally insane!

WMMC - I think he is the "lazy" type. The sort of "I'm worth anything and then some" type. IYKWIM?

OP posts:
Minxie1977 · 09/08/2010 22:29

Twunt - excellent Grin I have a new fave insult

JaynieB · 09/08/2010 22:30

I reckon he's blown it.
:)

FallingWithStyle · 09/08/2010 22:32

Well you're entitled to find a certain type of man attractive, manly or otherwise, nothing wrong with that.
But it's not, imo, who bought the first round you should be concerned with but the fact that he didn't get the second.
I'd be put off by that too. But if it was all ok otherwise then perhaps it'd be worth one more date to see how it goes?

whomovedmychocolate · 09/08/2010 22:34

Ah Mr You-are-so-lucky-to-be-with-me.

Well while he is gracing you with his presence and thus sucking any excess oxygen from the room I would suggest this is not enough of a good reason to spend more time with him.

He's either a 'I've met someone but I'm keeping my options open having a little shop around, see if she's good enough compared to the competition'

or a 'I am such a catch you will have to impress me while I recline here and let you bask in my gloriousness'.

The latter btw, tends to have a small willy and be crap in bed. Wink

Either way, he's still a twunt.

colditz · 09/08/2010 22:34

Yeah, it's because he didn't get the second.

I don't care who buys the first round - in fact I'd rather get it so I can run off with no residual guilt if he was unbearable.

but not buying the second - uh-huh.

CelticBanshee · 09/08/2010 23:35

He sounds like a scabby bollox, I wouldn't waste time on him

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/08/2010 23:42

Not getting the first is ok, but not getting the second either is just bloody rude.

I would say no second date.

Orangerie · 10/08/2010 00:01

I had a first date like that...

I got the first round, the second and on the third one I just looked at him hoping he would pay for it. Instead he said "Each pays their own". I said "good! but I have already paid for 2 rounds" he then apologised and paid for the third and less than a year later we were happily engaged.

Looking back at my experience I would say not to go for a second date. In my case that first date was a clear reflection of what was to come. Selfish person just thinking of himself, and me expecting that one day, eventually, it would be my turn...

Lulumaam · 10/08/2010 09:07

if you'd described the whole scenario in your OP< i would have said you were entirely justified in not seeing him again! why drip feed??

ccpccp · 10/08/2010 10:15

Either hes a tight arse or hes on some serious benefits.

Either way - you're better off without.

Kiwinyc · 10/08/2010 10:25

Do you fancy him or is this enough to put you off? If you're put off so easily, I wouldn't bother continuing.

And whats wrong with saying 'I got the first round, your turn now!

I think you're being a bit unreasonable or at least making a big deal out of something quite minor.

Morloth · 10/08/2010 10:35

You don't need a reason not to see him again, just not wanting to is enough.

ComedyOfErrors · 10/08/2010 11:45

How annoying OP.

I'd be v put off by this - 1. because it's rude, and 2. because I'd see it as a kind of sign of worse to come iyswim.

I'd need a v compelling reason to see him again.

Graciescotland · 10/08/2010 12:12

My DH paid for pretty much everything when we were dating, his choice, he's traditional. He honestly thinks that a woman shouldn't have to buy her own drinks. If we were in a bar with a female friend he'd buy her drinks too!

I've went dutch with other guys and never minded but I love my DH's manly old-fashioned qualities! Even now that we're married he still pays for dinner (out of our joint account!) opens my car door and buys me flowers.

We're still equal partners in life but he is a very manly man!

Original poster
navyeyelasH · 10/08/2010 13:59

morloth "You don't need a reason not to see him again, just not wanting to is enough."

Thanks Morloth I think that's it. He was a socially acceptable date, didn't grope me, could speak in full sentences etc so I feel like I should say yes to a second date. Probably why I'm "making a big deal out of something so minor" - to justify my ambivalence towards him.

Anyway I text him today to say he's a really nice guy but I wont be going out with him again. Didn't go down to well Blush.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 10/08/2010 14:29

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dogfish · 10/08/2010 14:49

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warthog · 10/08/2010 14:58

what did he say to your text?

i think you did the right thing btw. very off-putting. should be equal.

mountainmonkey · 10/08/2010 15:00

I don't think it really matters who gets the first round in but he should definitely have offered to get the next one. IMHO you're being a little petty over what seems to me a minor transgression (but then I am the tolerant laid back type); if you got on well apart from that I'd give him another chance.

Original poster
navyeyelasH · 10/08/2010 15:30

dogfish - I'm not getting worked up - I'm just wondering if I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Which I shan't be in the case after all. "most women expect you to pay more" I don't expect anything from a man, at the bare minimum though I would like it if things were equal, so if I got the first he gets the second, I got the third etc. It's a bonus if a man has "old fashioned values" but I certainly don't expect it and after the first date I would insist on everything being split fairly. I don't see his behaviour as refreshing, I thought he seemed a bit rude and came across as arrogant TBH.

Warthog - he said if he's such a nice guy why don't I want to go on a second date and that he's really surprised as most women "hound him" for dates. I just said I'm not most women and I wish him well in the future and he replied "you don't know what you're missing - just text me when you change your mind, (probably by Friday)"!!!

mountainmonkey I realise now why everyone keeps saying it doesn't matter who gets the first one in - I didn't mean I expected him to get the first one - just that I expected at the least to take it in turns IYKWIM? If he had got the first, I'd have insisted on getting the second. So as I got the first I feel he should have insisted on getting the second.

I'm a pretty laid back person too, He was a nice guy - but that's about it really. We didn't "click" I guess and normally I wait till the third date to decide that for certain but his behaviour sped up my decision making process.

OP posts:
nancydrewrocked · 10/08/2010 15:38

Well at least his response to your text makes it clear that he has bigger problems than being tight!

What a tw@t

mountainmonkey · 10/08/2010 15:42

Ok, his texts make him sound like an arrogant twat- maybe the drink thing was an indicator of his overall personality.

dogfish · 10/08/2010 15:48

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