Is he cruel or am I just conceited? :-( WWYD?

[NotThisAgain]

I'm not a troll, but have name changed because I'm very recognisable on here.

I'm often here because I tend to choose the wrong kind of man for me.

I've been with someone new who was always nice to me, or so I thought. However, he seems to feel the need to keep dropping things about other women into the conversation. Details about other people he's slept with, and unkind things like his friend asked him why he 'left' his ex for me (which he didn't, actually). He likes to leave me with the impression that he is surrounded by other beautiful women who he could be with in a heart beat, for him I'm the best so he 'chooses' me.

So yesterday he did it again and I said to him that I think it's out of order for him to try to knock my confidence because all my other boyfriends considered me very attractive and didn't ever make me feel inadequate about this. When I said this he seemed to get annoyed and turned on me saying who do I think I am, there are plenty more women in the world who look better than I do......including Shakira for example

Surely this is not a normal way to behave? I don't think I'm conceited but I was trying to stick up for myself because I don't like to be made to feel inadequate.

Now I just feel bloody confused

big red flag here for me i'm afraid!! sorry....he sounds insecure and i doubt has much future

he's new, you have no ties to him. dump him and don't look back. whether you are elle mcpherson's doppelganger or a cross between waynetta slob and vicky pollard, you should be treated with more respect.

I thought that, TC - even if someone thinks that surely they don't say it?

His behaviour is a Big red flag here from me as well.

Another more pertinent point is one you have yourself raised - why exactly do you tend to choose the wrong type of man?.

What did you learn from your parents about relationships?. They are are first and foremost influence here. You do not have to answer that but if you were taught damaging lessons by these people you will have to "unlearn" such ultimately destructive patterns. BACP have a list of counsellors and they do not charge the earth either.

Love your own self for a change. Work on you to improve your overall sense of self esteem and worth because such men like this one will take great pleasure in knocking women.

I'm sorry, but the Shakira thing makes him sound like a total loon. No-one who tries to knock your confidence is any good for you.

" well if you can get shakira, love you go right ahead, but i want a fella who thinks i am the greatest everything. who likes me so much he wouldn't dream of hurting my feelings. You have the compunction to hurt my feelings, and i think that is strange considering we are on a date. Thank you for your time...here is half the bill money, you will excuse me" ...and leave

its all about dignity honey.

you were right to pull him, hes a loony twat

Dump him. It will only get worse. His comments and his reaction to yours are not reasonable.

He's trying to reasure himslef and keep you in line - what a twat,dump him.

I would think that you need to spend some time on your own and look at the patterns you're following, if you are in the least bit confused about this man. Confused? He is an absolute arse and should be dumped forthwith.

I'm so confused - I suppose he's trying to make me feel unsure of myself.

Attila I do have abusive parents so do need help, I know that but have had difficulty finding councilors near me who have any space.

You're right WhenwillIfeelnormal - by confused I just mean that I can't understand why he would want to make me feel bad. He is so nice at other times that I forget about these incidents.

It's all in prep for controlling you,lowers your self of steam, makes you feel shit about yourslef so you won't feel strong enough to leave him or good enough for anyone else.

He wants to make you feel bad because he is a narcissist. Everything is all about him and any relationship is dictated by how it bolsters his esteem. Hope that clears up any confusion.

To paraphrase someone else on here: Dumpity dump, to the dump, dump!

He is an insecure arsehole who is trying to lower your self esteem to make himself feel better.

You are learning - you recognise his behaviour as cruel, you do value yourself and you are questioning the relationship. I count that as progress (and I deserve a PhD in picking shitty men ). I loved Custardo's wording. A dignified fuck off.

Good luck with working out which men aren't gits and please keep posting as I am trying to work that one out too

Thanks for your help - I appreciate knowing that this isn't my fault. I think that I feel vulnerable most of the time (my family don't care about me) so maybe Im easily taken in by people.

Run for the hills!

Yep totally insecure man- he's trying to show you how popular he is so that you feel grateful to have him. Don't get involved in these mind games, you know it's bad for you.

Another vote for dumping this loser. And I would also suggest you make yourself a promise: no dating and no men for at least a year while you learn to love and value yourself. Because at the moment, your radar is not working too well (though it is clearly functioning partially because you are questioning this particular knob after a couple of dates rather than putting up with him).

Well he's just sent me a text saying he hopes I didn't over think what he said

Spot on, SGB!

Give yourself a break and take some time out from dating after you have dumped this loser.

You are all so kind - thanks for helping me see clearly.

And Attila, I've just found a councilor I haven't tried yet on your link so thanks for that

Make sure you tell him exactly why he's dumped though - no wishy-washy "it's not you, it's me" stuff. But leave no room to wheedle himself back in - he's obviously wondering whether he's gone too far in showing himself to be a narcissist this soon...

Suggested reply "No of course not. I have thought about it just enough."

Yes agree with everyone's good advice. If he's like this at the beginning of a relationship, what's he going to be like if he get's his feet under the table?

Get rid of this eejit, and then have a bit of time to yourself.

Exactly, WWIFN.

NO apologising, either. No, 'Sorry, but you're an arsewipe.'

You've nothing to apologise for.

I'd ring him back up and say, 'Actually, after your comments, I'm ending things between us because I think you have issues with narcissism. Do NOT contact me again. Ever. Bye.'