Is he cruel or am I just conceited? :-( WWYD?

[NotThisAgain]

I'm not a troll, but have name changed because I'm very recognisable on here.

I'm often here because I tend to choose the wrong kind of man for me.

I've been with someone new who was always nice to me, or so I thought. However, he seems to feel the need to keep dropping things about other women into the conversation. Details about other people he's slept with, and unkind things like his friend asked him why he 'left' his ex for me (which he didn't, actually). He likes to leave me with the impression that he is surrounded by other beautiful women who he could be with in a heart beat, for him I'm the best so he 'chooses' me.

So yesterday he did it again and I said to him that I think it's out of order for him to try to knock my confidence because all my other boyfriends considered me very attractive and didn't ever make me feel inadequate about this. When I said this he seemed to get annoyed and turned on me saying who do I think I am, there are plenty more women in the world who look better than I do......including Shakira for example

Surely this is not a normal way to behave? I don't think I'm conceited but I was trying to stick up for myself because I don't like to be made to feel inadequate.

Now I just feel bloody confused

Agree with the others that you're doing well to spot a loser so quickly. Congratulations, your radar is getting better all the time.

I think it's fine to dump him by text. If he does come round, do NOT engage in any discussion. He'll do his utmost to wrongfoot you and/or be so lovely that you start second-guessing yourself. Be utterly detached, make arrangements to get your stuff and give him his, but do not start trying to vindicate your decision to him. Look as bored and be as boring as you can. Game over.

You deserve better than this tosser - get rid - and like others have said - you have nothing to apologise for

I've decided to take his stuff to his work and leave it there with a note. Then he won't be able to talk to me - he's not accessible at work so I can leave it with a colleague easily.

The relationship is not really really new - I've been with him a few months. I'm a bit shocked by the whole thing in a way, because, although looking back there were hints, he was in other ways kind and seemed really into me and said he thought I was the best etc.....so I suppose it hurt all the more when he was so unkind.

Whoever said he will try to explain that what he said was in my best interest is correct. That's what he's trying to do now.

Life is too short to waste with someone like this, after all. And if he treats me this way, how would he treat my children?

Well done!

Good work, you.

In your best interests, yes. Don't want you thinking stupid things like you can actually leave him, or anything. Do you mean he's trying to explain this by text?

Yes he thinks I 'need to know the truth'

Luckily I do.....that his particular brand of love is fucked up and is one I need to avoid.

I don't look like Shakira but that is the sort of 'truth' I can live without being told .

Well done on dealing with this now rather than waiting a few months when it would have been so much harder.

Have you dropped his stuff of yet?

What a loser he really is, well done on recongising his behaviour had shifted and dumping him x

Not yet, I don't really feel like going out of the house atm and I have the children here at the moment.

But there is no way I could spend time with him any more, anyway - not after the unkind look he had in his eyes - I could see he wanted to hurt me.

Looking back I can see I've kind of ignored stuff;

him being insanely jealous of other men
not believing me when I said I was shopping and accusing me of lying about it
talking about 'perfect' women, often right after I've had sex with him

He also put photos of himself licking some woman's face and then asked me if I was upset about it.

I've just had another text from him - he 'cares' about me apparently.

You've done the right thing.

This is almost funny. He thinks he gets to tell you how grateful you should be for his attentions because you're no shakira

I second leaving his stuff at work with a note saying, 'good luck with shakira'.

He's emotionally abusive.

DUMP, DUMP, DUMP.

You owe him nothing.

He'll turn this all around to be your fault and you don't need or deserve it.

Take the stuff to his work with a note that he is never to contact you again.

Don't waste time listening to anything he has to stay because he is a waste of space.

Well Done for recognising that this guy is a wanker so early, any guy that says things like that is not nice and you deserve to be with a nice guy.

Exactly!

You should be proud of yourself.

He's a misogynist.

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words. You know, when I feel weak I come here and read what you've all said and it really helps

Don't forget to tell him that when you were lunching with Shakira the other day, she said confidentially that he was the worst shag she'd had in years.

I've done it - also used custardo's template (thanks custardo)

He is now saying he's sorry, he didn't mean it etc etc etc, he loves me so much his heart is broken.

"Thank you for your apology. I hope that you will use this experience to guide you in future relationships. Please do not contact me again."

He's not going to fuck off without a fight.

Next he'll be putting all the blame on you.

If he can't get his own way with apologies and declarations of love, he will then get abusive.

'He is now saying he's sorry, he didn't mean it etc etc etc, he loves me so much his heart is broken.'

Just block him. Do not bother to respond. He's lost control of you, that's what he loved, if he was ever even capable of it at all for his narcissism.

Just have nothing more to do with this person.

Block him, don't respond.

Because Hecate is right.

Yep, listen to Hecate.

He was so clearly trying to find out how much you'd put up with - now he's found out. Everything you've listed here:

"him being insanely jealous of other men
not believing me when I said I was shopping and accusing me of lying about it
talking about 'perfect' women, often right after I've had sex with him
He also put photos of himself licking some woman's face and then asked me if I was upset about it"

is him testing your boundaries. And men like this don't understand reasonable conversation and 'please don't do that again'. They understand only one thing; did she stay with me even after I treated her like that? If so, I can ramp up the behaviour.

Well done for getting rid, NotAgain, you're great.

NotThisAgain you are my new hero.

Well done. This guy does not deserve you. You are being very strong now don't answer him and get concentrated on......

a) watching loads of girly films
b) doing stuff you know he probably wouldn't want to do
c) Not looking anything like shakira cause lets face it you don't want to attract another tosser like that again ! What A KNOB I really am angry on your behalf

anyway get some chocolate and morn the time you wasted thinking he was the one and set the man radar to ' nice man alert'

((un mn hug ))

He's not going to go quietly.

Apparently he can't live without me

Anyway, I'll be away for a few weeks and then going on holiday.

What, with all those options he's got? I mean, there are plenty more beautiful women in the world, right?

Methinks it's his ego that can't live with being dumped.

Enjoy your holiday, and get flirted with a lot by glamorous young men with tans!

Please text him back that you've passed his number on to Shakira through her management. Go on.

No don't actually or he'll think you're not really dumping him and are looking for an excuse to contact him.