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Original poster

At 16 were you allowed to shag at home?

121 replies

coventgarden · 22/07/2010 20:23

I wasn't allowed boyfriends staying over at 16 through to 19 when I left home (it is complicated.) I am a bit and surprised how many people think it is okay to allow their 16 year old child to have sex in their house and it is making me think what I will/should do when mine are that age. I am also wondering why I wasn't allowed and can only assume they didn't like my boyfriend (well I know they didn't) and were worried I would get pregnant.

I left a note to stay I was staying at his house that night as I couldn't ask/tell them.

All very strange and complicated.

OP posts:
TheButterflyEffect · 22/07/2010 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rafwife · 22/07/2010 20:25

Yes I was.

deaddei · 22/07/2010 20:25

Good god no.
I wasn't allowed to sleep with my husband to be when we stayed there one night- we'd been living together for a year, were getting married 4 months later and we were 35.
DD is 13, and I haven't really thought about it.

sunny2010 · 22/07/2010 20:26

Yeah I had my boyfriend sleep over when I was 16, but supposed to sleep in different beds but I often ignored that and didnt get court. Then we broke up and I met my husband at 18 he stayed round once but after that I moved out.

I dont have a problem with my kids bringing back their long term boyfriends and letting them sleep over once they are 16. (Long time to go til then!)

AlistairSim · 22/07/2010 20:28

I didn't have a serious boyfriend when I was 16 but can't imagine asking my parents!

I think I would have felt too icky.

Gigantaur · 22/07/2010 20:30

im almost 30 and my mum would still go ape shit if i was shagging at her house

colditz · 22/07/2010 20:30

no.

As a result, I shagged under a railway bridge or bunked off school and shagged while my parents were at work.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 22/07/2010 20:30

DP and i were shagging at home when i was only just 15, my Mum knew she put me on the pill and had a long talk about using condoms ect, she was honest with me and said she wasnt happy with it but if i was going to do it then she would rather i was safe, she also installed a lock on my bedroom door.

I in turn was honest with her and told her i was going to do it anyway and thanked her for being cool about it.
DP was a good family friend by then anyway so they trusted him 100% and really liked him.

stressedHEmum · 22/07/2010 20:30

No, I wasn't. The first boyfriend that I was allowed to have stay over was my first husband when we went home for visits.

I wasn't really allowed boys upstairs, either. I had to wait until other people were out of the house. I am quite old, though.

To be honest, I wouldn't be happy about my kids having boy/girlfriends to stay over. I have much younger kids as well as older ones and I don't really feel it's appropriate. Also, we have a very small house and all my kids share rooms, so there is very little privacy and I would not let DS1 kick out DS2 just so he could have sex.

When DS1 brought his girlfriend home from uni to visit my mother, they were put in separate rooms and my 17 year old went, too, as a kind of chaperone.

sunny2010 · 22/07/2010 20:31

I think it makes more sense. I did it and I got married and waited for children. One of my good mates wasnt allowed to do it and became a single mum at 16. If you ban it then you make it more likely that accidental pregnancy will occur.

Hulababy · 22/07/2010 20:33

Not a chance.

I met DH at 16y (he was also 16y) and we were not allowed to go up into my room at all, let alone share the same room or bed.

I have a much younger sister who I shared a room with anyway, so would never have been appropriate.

Obviusly when parents weren't there..........but never with their actual express permittance! I think they chose to remain ignorant. I don't blame them.

Even after leaving for university and returning in holidays we never shared a room. DH's parents are from same town so he stayed at their place anyway. Infact - not til we were living together, after university, were we allowed to share a bed.

Was same at DH's house too.

Have to say though that it never bothered either of us. there are ways and means. We respected their believes and decisions whilst they were around. It certainly didn;t hold us back or do us any harm

ReasonableDoubt · 22/07/2010 20:33

Yes, I was. I lost my virginity at 15, told my mum the next day and she went into overdrive, marching me down to Brook to go on the pill and get a sack full of condoms (we were very safe, anyway!).

From then on, I was allowed to have my boyfriend to stay over (note I said boyfriend - we were together for 18 months - don't know if she would have allowed multiple partners into the house!).

She always said: I would rather you were doing it under my roof than in the back of a car or somewhere!'.

She stands by her decision to this day.

I don't know how we will deal with it with our DD. My mum was a single parent, so made her own rules. I have a DH, and I can't see him being happy to have some spotty youth sleeping over and giving one to his beloved teenage daughter

booyhoo · 22/07/2010 20:34

no sex before marriage in my mums's house (although she did let OH sleep in my old bed with me at xmas, but we are 23 now and have 2 dcs)

OH wasn't even allowed upstairs when we were 16/17. we just went to his and shagged instead.

my dcs will be allowed, at 16, to have sex in their own home.

NomDePlume · 22/07/2010 20:35

Yes, my 23yr old boyfriend lived with us when I was 15.

My Mum wasn't some neglectful terrible parent. I wasn't the town bike. I was on the pill and we were in a long term relationship until I ended it aged 17.

DS1 and his then long term girlfriend were allowed ocassional sleepovers at 16. I wouldn't allow casual one night stands in my house but a responsible, loving relationship between two consenting and LEGAL (at 16) people is ok with me so long as they are respectful of the other folk in the house.

DS2 is 16.5 and as yet hasn't had a serious relationship and so it hasn't come up, but when it does he will be expected to follow the same rules as his older brother.

Same for DD when her time comes (8 in a couple of weeks, so aaaaaaaaaaaages before that one comes up).

TheCrackFox · 22/07/2010 20:35

No. My mum was uber strict. When I left home from uni boyfriends were given a separate bedroom - we just shagged on the way home from the pub instead. Happy days.

I don't know what my view will be when my boys are 16. I think i will play it by ear.

valiumSingleton · 22/07/2010 20:36

No!

I agree with RD's mum though. I am a single parent and if my nearly sixteen year old daughter was going to sleep with her long term boyfriend then I would try not to go all Mary Whitehouse.

Hulababy · 22/07/2010 20:37

Just to counterbalance sunny's point:

I met DH at 16y and was not allowed to share a bed with him at my/his parents. We remained together throughout university (went to different universities) and moved in together afterwards, some 6 years later, got married 2 years after that and didn't have DD until I was 29y. We are still together now after 20 years and about to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. Not being allowed to sleep together at home did not hamper this.

ReasonableDoubt · 22/07/2010 20:38

My mum was a teacher and 'very respectable', btw!

Malificence · 22/07/2010 20:38

Me and DH weren't allowed to share a bed even when we were engaged! But that was over 25 years ago, we just did a lot of surreptitious shagging behind his parents backs - we vowed never to be as repressive as his mum was and DD has been allowed to have her boyfriends stay since the age of 16, she's now 20 and only on her 3rd boyfriend.

TotorosOcarina · 22/07/2010 20:38

Yes.

Very special relationship though, we are now married.

fluffles · 22/07/2010 20:39

i didn't want to shag in my parents house (at least not while they were in!!!)

i was allowed boys to stay after i'd gone to uni and actually it was a mix of male friends (i had a lot of them, studied physics) and boyfriends.

i still don't think i necessrily did much shagging though... the house is far too small and walls to thin.. yuck!

scratchmyback · 22/07/2010 20:41

No way. I am almost 40 now and my parents would go mad if they thought I was shagging in their house!

My mum relented (about 5 years ago) when I wsas engaged to DF and allowed us to sleep in the same bed despite knowing that we live together already! It only happened because one night we were staying over and DF was in another room to me. The next day he got up with a rash on his neck and said to my mum that he thought the sheets on his bed were really itchy! She laughed and said she had heard some excuses in her time to find a reason to share a bed but never one like that . It wasn't even an excuse, it was the truth as we were used to separate beds at her house. Anyway she just said that day 'well share scratch's bed tonight then and I will change the sheets on the other one'

Next time we went to stay she just automatically put us in the same room, and I made a jokey comment about it saying 'oooh mum are we allowed' and she then told me it was a bit daft not too as we are engaged now!!! I did reassure her that the last place we would ever want anymore than sleep would be in the bedroom next to her

To be honest I never minded, I understand her feeling uncomfortable about it and why she wouldn't like it.

Not sure I agree that it makes it more likely that an accidental pregnancy will occur and make it more likely to become a single mum because my mum wouldnt let me shag in her house. I think that is more about contraception when you do shag, not the place where you are allowed to shag!

Alambil · 22/07/2010 20:44

I wouldn't be allowed to shag at home now and I'm nearly 28!

UnquietDad · 22/07/2010 20:46

Chance would have been a fine thing.

Beattiebow · 22/07/2010 20:47

my mum didn't have a clue what I got up to while she was at work all day, but wouldn't have let anyone stay overnight with me.

When I bought my boyfriend home from university we weren't allowed to share a bed, which led to alot of nocturnal wanderings and us staying up late on our own alot!

eventually she gave in as she had a boyfriend who stayed over too.