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Original poster

At 16 were you allowed to shag at home?

121 replies

coventgarden · 22/07/2010 20:23

I wasn't allowed boyfriends staying over at 16 through to 19 when I left home (it is complicated.) I am a bit and surprised how many people think it is okay to allow their 16 year old child to have sex in their house and it is making me think what I will/should do when mine are that age. I am also wondering why I wasn't allowed and can only assume they didn't like my boyfriend (well I know they didn't) and were worried I would get pregnant.

I left a note to stay I was staying at his house that night as I couldn't ask/tell them.

All very strange and complicated.

OP posts:
Taghain · 22/07/2010 23:27

I didn't lose my virginity until 18 so the question didn't arise. At 19 my parents were OK about having DP overnight and we were quiet.
That was in the 70's.

I took her morning tea into my daughter's room when she was 16, and noticed an extra pair of feet in the bed. I pretended not to notice when she sneaked him out of the house 20 minutes later and made sure that DP didn't see him. After that it became above board: we liked the boy and he almost moved in for a couple of years until DD went to uni.

Coca · 22/07/2010 23:33

I lost the big v at home on my 17 birthday. My DParents wentto the trouble of ordering a takaway and hooking up the video -tv in my room....bit weird to think about now but the best "firs time" I could wish for

lemonysweet · 22/07/2010 23:45

to those who think its too young at 16, could i just ask at what age you would feel it more appropriate to be legal?
after all some people are hitting puberty at 9/10, thats a lot of suppressed sexual desire right there...

Birdistheword · 22/07/2010 23:53

Yes, i asked my Mum recently why she was so 'liberal' about boyfriends sleeping over, and she said 'i wanted your first sexual experiences to be happy ones in a place where you felt safe, not in a bus shelter'

Shes ace.

TrillianAstra · 22/07/2010 23:54

Not my home, but I was allowed to stay over and my boyfriend's parents didn't care.

The boyfriend I had at 17 - his parents did care.

Nattynar · 23/07/2010 00:04

I was never allowed my first boyfriend over, my Dad once thought he was staying over and came in my room ready to drag him out!! I'd left a pair of then BF shoes in our porch.

I never dared disobey my fathers wishes, though I did stay at BF's house one night (big party), and got grounded for a week!!! That never happened again.

Having said that once Dad died, became a lot more relaxed at home! But that was mainly because mum had moved out when I was 18. But having said that she is fine now, and always realised that we'd find a way regardless.

And she lets me & DP stay in the spare room together when we visit. But then we have 4 month old son, so playing the saintly daughter has gone out the window now!!!!

Bigmouthstrikesagain · 23/07/2010 00:04

I didn't have sex till I was 18 and at Uni (in Halls) but when I was 23 and briefly living at home again I did sleep with a boyfriend at home and in the morning Mum went ballistic and accused me of 'entertaining the troops' - moved out soon after that - she had isshooos around sex.

So I intend to be much more sane and balanced but can see my DH being much more 'victorian dad' about this so could be the cause of 'discussions' - I really do not want to treat my daughters and son differently either.

BitOfFun · 23/07/2010 00:18

No.

I waited until I'd left home and gone to university.

No wonder some parents can't get rid of their older teenagers if they are given a hotel service and full adult privileges.

TheCrackFox · 23/07/2010 00:22

You have a point there BOF. Besides which, it is character building for teenagers to be sneaking about behind their parents' back not to mention quite good fun.

BitOfFun · 23/07/2010 00:23

My thoughts exactly, Crackfox

valiumSingleton · 23/07/2010 08:49

lol at entertaining the troops! Your mother and mine were cut from the same cloth I think. That sounds like something my mother would have said. She also said that tampons were for married ladies.

However,,,,, as Rita Rudner said, A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I don't know if I could treat my son and my daughter exactly the same.... I wish I lived in a World where I could though.

sunny2010 · 23/07/2010 09:12

I see it as different valiumsingleton my mum alays saw me as responsible so knew even even I had sex I would be careful and not get pregnant. Whereas my brother is 22 and my mum is still stalking him about who is having sex with because a lot of girls want to get pregnant with just anyone nowadays and she is always worried about getting 'trapped' like a lot of young men here.

I think I will be the same my daughter I will put on the pill and teach about condoms and my son I will watch to interegate every person that comes in a ten mile radius of him!!

valiumSingleton · 23/07/2010 10:03

Yeah, after I posted, I realised that I wouldn't want my son bringing back a succession of women as I think it would be disrespectful to me and my house, so perhaps I would treat them the same in practise but my advice to them might be slightly more personal and emotional to my daughter.

The fear of precious son be trapped is very Irish Mammy altogether. No matter if he's unemployed, lazy and no oil painting. That hussy trapped him!

TrillianAstra · 23/07/2010 10:25

"a lot of girls want to get pregnant with just anyone nowadays"

Do they?

UnquietDad · 23/07/2010 10:26

I think the home/bus shelter thing is a false dichotomy. Why do we all assume our teenagers are going to be at it like rabbits anyway, and unless we give them a free sex licence for the house they'll be "doing it" somewhere squalid?

valiumSingleton · 23/07/2010 10:27

Yes, I never did it in an alley way or at a bus shelter. Even at 18 stepping over people shagging by the bins i shuddered.

valiumSingleton · 23/07/2010 10:28

I only saw that once, but I knew her.

UnquietDad · 23/07/2010 10:28

In fact, I'd say this is going to be my bible.

Bumblelion · 23/07/2010 10:31

Will go back and read the thread, but I wasn't allowed to have my boyfriend(s) stay over but my daughter is now 17, nearly 18 (November) and her boyfriend is just 17 (last week) and I let him stay over because
(1) I know they will be having sex
(2) I would rather it be in a safe environment (my home)
(3) She is on the pill (for bad period pains, honestly, has passed out 3 times for the pain)
(4) They both use condoms (although they are each first sexual partners).

PuppyMonkey · 23/07/2010 10:34

I'm 43 and have been with my DP for 16 years, with two kids - and I still don't think my mum would letr me do it in her house.

Annteeta · 23/07/2010 10:41

My parents were very religious and no way would I have been allowed. They panicked once when my boyfriend called round and saw me in a dressing gown!!

katerum · 23/07/2010 10:54

apologies, just read first page.

No, i didnt sleep with my boyfriend under parents roof.

I think it very much depends on the childs maturity if one would allow them to or not...

sunny2010 · 23/07/2010 11:33

trillianastra - I live in a very high area of teenage pregnancy so yeah they definitely do here.I personally hang around with a few people that had a baby for the house and lifstyle which is fair enough as its up to them. They werent that bothered who the dad was as they dont see it as that important.

BambinoBoo · 23/07/2010 11:47

At 21, and having been with my [then] boyfriend for 2 years, he was allowed in my room but I had to keep the door open. Mum & Dad are Catholic and their house, their rules. I understand that now, although at the time I was desperate for sex not so understanding.

On the flip side, my SiL has let both her kids' various partners sleep over from the age of 15. If I'm honest, I was pretty shocked at that.

BigBadMummy · 23/07/2010 11:54

I havent read the whole thread, just the OP but as a mother of a 16 year old with her first serious boyfriend I am about to face this.

My view is, they can shag legally now so where would I rather it happened? In our house where she is safe, or in a field / car / alleyway?

I thnk provided it is a long term partner, as this chap is (well three months is long at this age) I would allow it.

I wasnt allowed to at 16 but then the world was a different place 24 years ago and sex outside marriage was still sort of frowned upon.