Ladywolf I have never known a man say this to his wife and there wasn't an OW. I'm so sorry. If you've been around Mumsnet for a while, you'll know that too. I wish with all my heart that these idiots would change the script once in a while, but the same hackneyed old tale trips off the tongue again and again.
They do it because of extreme moral cowardice and partly because they are romantic idiots who believe their own rubbish justifications for having what is invariably just another tawdry affair - that they are in love with someone else and therefore that must mean they don't love their wives. But they don't want to admit even to themselves that they didn't start losing their feelings for their spouse until the OW turned up. So they pretend to themselves as much as anybody that they have been feeling this way for a long time, otherwise they wouldn't have had an affair.
Your H doesn't sound any different at all. He would rather you believe that he has lost his feelings for you "by accident", or as a result of your parenting focus. He won't want you or anyone else to know that the not insignificant other love interest played a part in all this.
So don't put up with this charade one minute longer. You will get no truth from him - he is too far up his backside pretending to be a decent man who is being honest about his feelings. The only reason he won't see a counsellor is because a trained third party would spot the presence of an OW a mile off, because like us, they have heard it all before.
Do some digging and don't delay. I'm assuming he's guarded with his phone and laptop, so look there first when you can prise him away from them. Look at his phone bills if you can. If he's not registered for online billing, find an old phone bill with his contract number on it and register him. Have his phone with you when you do this, in case they text to say they are doing this (some don't, though). If he's already online, go hunting for the passwords.
Look for second phones and start to reconstruct the missed clues and the story of your life in recent months. Have a diary or calendar to hand. Recall late evenings home, trips away, occasions when you couldn't contact him, his behaviour towards you and try to pinpoint when all this started. Has he been distancing himself from you, trying to cause arguments or appearing stressed and over-wrought? Has his sexual appetite changed in any way? Any mentionitis about a colleague/friend that has perhaps stopped in recent times?
Has he been keener than usual to undertake impromptu errands that got him out of the house for a short while?
All of these things are part of a well-worn script.
Infidelity is a shocking pain, but what these idiots never realise is that it is better for you and your recovery if you are told the truth, rather than berate yourself and wonder what you've done to cause this loss of feeling. In a strange way, you will be liberated once you know the truth, which is that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this, it is not about you at all. It is all about his inability to resist an opportunity and his capacity to delude himself that he is "in love" and must therefore "do the decent thing and end his marriage".
Keep posting and so sorry this is happening to you, but as you can see, you are in good company amongst women who were told the same old bollocks. One of the many reasons why I was able to start a path of forgiveness after my H's affair was that he never insulted my intelligence with any nonsense like this - and he was much more self-aware about his feelings for OW and his feelings for me.
I have to tell you though, if my H had ever come out with this line about not loving me any more, my first response even then, would have been "Who is she?"