Hello Ladywolf.
4 weeks ago, I found out that my husband was having an affair, with a colleague at work. On confronting him with the evidence he could not deny it.
It was a total shock. He has always maintained that he is a very good person.
We talked about our relationship and he said he didn't love me anymore.
I think he had suppressed his feelings for me to enable himself to concentrate on the OW. Also he thought about our relationship negatively, also so he could turn to the OW and feel justified in doing this, there was nothing he could do to save our relationship.
So far, I know he had been having an emotional affair for about 2 years, and that it became physical early this year.
Do not under - estimate how he may be deceiving you.
But even if he is not having an affair, I did this and it really helped me.
I kicked him out. And he went to his parents house. He had to tell them and his sister and his brother in law. He eventually had to tell other family members and friends. Very quickly, the reality of the situation he found himself in came crashing down on him. He rang every night because he missed the dcs so much.
Of course my parents, family and friends know now too, and the school and nursery. He hates that what he has done has had to be broadcast, but people need to know.
He had time to evaluate, while I was exhausted with emotional trauma and looking after 3 dcs.
2 weeks later he really wanted to come back. I let him, for the sake of our family and the children. We are going to Relate soon. He has made large changes to his behaviour (in a good way) and is much more helpful with the dcs.
We are trying to be kind and compassionate to each other while we wait to find out more when we start going to Relate.
The up shot of my tale is, kick him out. He will find somewhere cheap or free to stay. He needs space to realize what he stands to lose. And you need space also, given the momentousness of this news he has given you.
Keep snooping also to make sure he is not having an actual emotional or physical affair.
Let him come and see the kids once a week, so he misses them and realizes that this could be the future if he doesn't start thinking rationally.
Really drive home to him, how important it is that you go to Relate together, say to him, for the sake of splitting up amicably and for the sake of the dcs. He may go then, and you may then get to know the back ground to this situation and more of the truth about what is going on in his head. Ring them tomorrow!!