My heart is breaking

[Ladywolf]

My husband of 11 years has just told me, he doesn't think he loves me any more. we have two beautiful daughters, the eldest is 3, the youngest just turned 1. He doesn't believe in counselling, he says he's just got to work things out for himself, but that he is unhappy with me. I don't know what to do, or even why i'm writing this except i can't talk to anyone else about this. I don't want him to leave, not just because of the children but because i still love him. I feel sick all the time since he told me, and my heart is hurting so much. Is there anything i can do?

Clairbear, I can see where you're coming from, but in my experience, when men say this (especially in mid-life) it's because they're already embroiled in an affair.

It doesn't have to be the case, just seems a very common pattern.

So sorry to hear of you having such a rough time.

On the bank front, if your account is a joint one, why not ask for you own online access code? Or, while he is away, try to access the account 3 times with the wrong password/userid so that it forces a change which will be sent in writing. Sorry, I know it sounds devious, but sometimes you just have to do things.

I know, I've just looked through 3 months' supermarket receipts 'cos I thought I was being lied to.

He has now left, possibly just for the week, maybe forever, Still don't know. I feel sick and very sad but also angry, if we hadn't got children it would be over because i deserve better than to be treated like this. I hope for the kids sake he comes back, two parents are better than one, if there is no abuse and arguing. Also i still love him, but i am also so ANGRY that he is putting us all through this. I'm not sleeping well, so i have less patience with the kids than usual, i'm doing my best but i am a little sharper than usual, and when i am i just feel like i am the worst mother in the world, if he does come back will i ever feel the same about him again after putting us all through this just because he is having a brain fart.

Hope you're doing okay Ladywolf - How are things?

I still don't know what is going on, he is still at his mom's and doesn't appear to have made up his mind about anything. i on the other hand am slowing driving myself nuts imagining all sorts.