Archers thread #183: The Scorekeeper's Apprentice. Discuss The Archers here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed, and of course we are always delighted to welcome back former or occasional listeners/posters. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you'd like to share a hot tub with Mucky Mick, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Credit for the title goes to @TottersBlankly who suggested it and @BeatriceBatchelor who coined this lovely phrase. (It's led me to take a look at the Wikipedia page for The Sorcerer's Apprentice. I had not known before that the animation in Fantasia that goes with the Dukas symphonic tone poem is more or less unadulterated Goethe, and the story goes back to ancient times. You learn something every day.)

At the end of the last thread, there was an apocalyptic tone as we were all bemoaning the lack of continuity and farming storylines (especially lambing, which used to be a big theme at this time of year). Are there any reasons to be cheerful? (Not just Part 3 - another reference for the older listeners here. ) Over to you!

Every time I say I want direct cremation, MN tells me I'm selfish. I'm not. I'm cheap and hate funerals.

I wonder what happened to Ian, King of the PTA?

Maybe cheaper if you shop around. I imagine the Grundys would be looking to undercut other suppliers.

Some years ago I read about a family that decided to arrange their own funeral for a parent without using a funeral directors. Apart from using their own estate car instead of a hearse, they purchased their own cardboard coffin.

Do we think George is going to get his grandparents into coffin making so they can (innocently) launder money for the baddies he's befriended in prison? shades of Ozark (for anyone who watched) - disposal of bodies and money laundering all wrapped up in one legitimate business.

I'm patiently waiting for George to ask Eddie to fly the drone over the prison to drop things off...

so i was interested in the knitting subscription.
It would certainly make a change from whipping up a few ferrets for Grundy's World of Ferrets (or whatever it is)

found a lovely one, but it's over 200 quid! (for 6 months). How can Bridge Farm afford that?

I thought the redundancy leaving gifts were remarkably mean!

I can imagine Eddie thinking that would be a right (pronounced "royt") laugh and doing it. He would of course be caught on CCTV and probably end up sharing a cell with a 20-year-old hooligan in a different prison from George.

So did I! Thought it was a bit cheap for all the years she'd worked there. A bottle of wine, were there some chocolates? And half a year's knitting subscription. And that was presumably from Tony and Pat, Helen, Susan and maybe even some of the customers who signed the card.

Indeed .. I mean, one bottle of wine - not a case? And the whole gift package should have come to at least the value of one month’s wages. Also, and I blame the BBC’s meanness towards TA - they should have held a proper party with everyone from BF, or taken her out to lunch. It was all so disappointingly muted after so many decades of loyal employment.

She did say she hadn't wanted a fuss, preferring instead to drip snot into the ice cream for one last time.

(Apologies to anyone eating.)

If there is indeed an exodus of old hands, can Clarrie join it asap? She is very tiresome these days. So is Eddie, of course, but his voice is less like nails on a blackboard.

Oi! Do you mind? We have feelings, you know.

oh gosh, sorry. I love the idea of knitted ferrets!!

Pat's exasperated comment about Clarrie crying into the yogurt was so in character.

@Brefugee , me too!

Poor clarrie. Harsh sl

the hose - Henry/khalil or Zainab or Rochelle?

I was kind of thinking it was Clarrie’s last day on the actual show, which, now I think about it was a strange error. Clarrie in retirement will be even more tedious than Clarrie at the dairy.

As far as I can remember, Martyn has never lived anywhere close to Ambridge. Zainab has a scooter, but Rochelle seems able to transport herself from county to county without such fripperies.

Are you sure his house hasn’t moved into ambridge?

don't understand why he and Brian are suddenly bffs

I can't see Henry doing it. And Mr Malik is a plumber, so his kids would know he'd take a dim view of water-related shenanigans and there would be Consequences! My money's on the silent Mrs Gibson, hoping to drown her ghastly husband. Obviously she wouldn't succeed, but if she married him then she's presumably not that bright.

Actually the gardener would know where the hose is kept don’t money is on him

The joy of this diversion is that Absolutely Nobody Cares!

Unless it was Henry and mini Malik but just to hear Pat and Helen having to eat humble pie and Lynda trying tobjustify vandalism.

He can't ask Justin to teach him because of Miranda. Oliver probably plays bridge but he's stuck in the sink hole with Adam, Ian and Will.

It's a pity Oliver has gone awol, what with him owning a business that needs cleaners and kitchen assistants and Clarrie looking for a job.

Small mercy that we haven’t had to hear Justin I suppose

Poppy, Poppy has form for vandalism.