Archers thread #183: The Scorekeeper's Apprentice. Discuss The Archers here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed, and of course we are always delighted to welcome back former or occasional listeners/posters. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you'd like to share a hot tub with Mucky Mick, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Credit for the title goes to @TottersBlankly who suggested it and @BeatriceBatchelor who coined this lovely phrase. (It's led me to take a look at the Wikipedia page for The Sorcerer's Apprentice. I had not known before that the animation in Fantasia that goes with the Dukas symphonic tone poem is more or less unadulterated Goethe, and the story goes back to ancient times. You learn something every day.)

At the end of the last thread, there was an apocalyptic tone as we were all bemoaning the lack of continuity and farming storylines (especially lambing, which used to be a big theme at this time of year). Are there any reasons to be cheerful? (Not just Part 3 - another reference for the older listeners here. ) Over to you!

It was an extremely unconventional funeral for an extremely unconventional person

I think the coffin business has got legs, so to speak. Clarrie could be on hand with tissues and cups of tea when grieving relatives arrive to choose coffins. It's a far better idea than I expected George to come out with!

That sounds like a really good approach in what must have been terribly difficult circumstances, @SelkieSeal.

Haven't heard last night's yet. Bracing myself to do it later after I've been out for a run.

Why are Helen and Pat carrying on like Clarrie is retiring instead of that they have for want of a better word sacked her. This.
I can't imagine where the cardboard coffin business is going - it's not something Eddie and George can knock up with a stapler and some recycled boxes. If anything I would imagine it takes more skill to construct a sturdy coffin from cardboard than it does from wood and it's not exactly something they can do in a backroom at Grange Farm with Clarrie knitting a liner. So sorry to hear about your sister @SelkieSeal - sounds like you gave her a beautiful send-off.
Is Brian being obliged to hang out with Martin Gibson because now he's hooked up with Miranda (another surplus character imo) he can no longer hang out with Justin? We don't need more characters we just need more of the existing speakers to be brought into play.

I'm very sorry for your loss @SelkieSeal - the funeral was very thoughtful and appropriate for the person.

When i left a company due to redundancy, after being there 20 years, i got many many messages and gifts from colleagues, suppliers and customers. It was quite emotional at times and some of the meals i was invited to were very high-class.

(the CEO of the company also called me, then wrote me a lovely message, and at one point he said they had made a mistake actually accepting my application for redundancy...)

Martyn wailing about his ruined floor - i was shouting "at least it's not covered in shit you arse".

Fyi I'm feeling smug calling it a week ago, haha 🫅🏻

I can't imagine where the cardboard coffin business is going - it's not something Eddie and George can knock up with a stapler and some recycled boxes. If anything I would imagine it takes more skill to construct a sturdy coffin from cardboard than it does from wood and it's not exactly something they can do in a backroom at Grange Farm with Clarrie knitting a liner.

We know this. It may be that Eddie does not yet know this.

Knitted coffins are a genius idea though

I'm starting to wonder if there has been a massive exodus of regular actors and the SW are grappling to fill up the cast list. I really hope Will, Adam and Ian haven't left. That's to name a few of the MIA.

Will, Adam and Ian are missing from storylines where they should have been key players.

Exactly. It's all starting to feel quite odd and broken.

Can someone fill me in on the rationale Helen gave behind her decision to choose Clarrie please? Im sorry but you lot listen so I dont have to…😁

I don't think Helen gave one. Clarrie's interview was "stunning," Susan's interview didn't seem to be going well.

I think Clarrie should have a word with Usha to see if she's been the victim of age discrimination.

I wasn't completely following the prison visit. Do we think George is going to get his grandparents into coffin making so they can (innocently) launder money for the baddies he's befriended in prison?

Or am I getting carried away?

Perhaps Adam'n'Ian have bored each other to death? I'd be happy never to hear from either of them again.Will at least has some "purpose" as George's father, or ought to, though he seems to take no interest these days. Perhaps he's sulking?

…most people in coffins do!!

Boom boom!

Slightly concerned that Clarrie has been crying into the yoghourt. Perhaps if it's salted caramel flavour they will get away with it.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g I’m here all week….

Helen was making it all about HER and how terrible it was going to be for HER to choose between them, but Pat reassured her that there was a procedure to be followed at the interview and you gave points for the performance of each candidate so it would all be fine as the candidate they actually both wanted (Susan, naturally, though iirc names were not named) would of course be brilliant.

Clarrie was stupendous and gave a perfect interview.

Susan fell apart.

Helen immediately ditched all protocols and gave the job to Susan.

Slow handclap for the world’s greatest manager

What happened about the 5(?) weeks' notice that Clarrie was determined to work, despite there not being enough work to do?
Not to mention the 5 weeks' pay, redundancy money, accrued holiday money...

My RE teacher at school, bizarrely, told us this coffin / prison based film plot. Does anyone recognise the film , I've never identified it? A convict and a tailor made a plan together that the tailor, who sewed the shrouds for inmates who died, would make the next one extra roomy like an apple pie bed, so his convict pal could hide in it beside the corpse. The convict would be sealed in the coffin and buried it's true, but the burial ground was outside the prison walls, and the tailor would come and dig him up that very night.
The next time the passing bell is rung, the convict slips into the darkened mortuary and slides inside the shroud. He feels the full horror of being buried alive but reassures himself the whole time that it can't be long before his friend the tailor comes and digs him up. Imagine his horror then, as he finally breaks and reaches for a concealed box of matches to look at his watch, when he sees that the corpse beside him is none other than....his friend the tailor!

It was a US horror series .. Tales from the Crypt I think?

I googled wicker coffins to see how much they are - Wayfair claim to sell them but their offerings all seem to actually be coffee makers and jute baskets!
Other suppliers come in about £500

As it happens I looked at the prices of coffins after the last funeral I went to a few weeks ago because I thought the wicker coffin was so lovely.

A traditional coffin varies between £550 for polished elm veneer to £1750 for polished solid oak board.

Cardboard coffins are from £500 to £675 and wicker, willow, etc from £895 to £1395.

All these costs were from a local independent funeral directors.

(I have no expectation of needing to use their services for myself soon but it was such a beautiful funeral that had been planned in detail by my deceased relative herself that I started to think about what I would want.)

that seems hugely expensive for cardboard!