Archers thread #169: Denise rocks the boat in more than one way! Will Chris find a message in a cider bottle? Discuss The Archers here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed, and of course we are always delighted to welcome back former or occasional listeners/posters. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you'd have liked to have Harrison's behbe, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks to @LikeTalkingToLassie and @BrightYellowDaffodil for title inspiration. Is this the end for Denise and John? It does seem odd to introduce John now if he's going to disappear. He has a lovely voice.

Over to you!

Cross-threading, but the other one will be full soon and have to say that @MereDintofPandiculation is completely wrong to diss proper digestive biscuits unsullied by chocolate, they are delicious and wonderful, can be eaten on their own, eaten with cheese, eaten with butter, eaten so many ways, they are wondrous, chocolate spoils them.

Those four-chocolate gluten-free biscuits from Lidl now, they're good, if you have to have a chocolate biscuit. But biscuits with fruit or ginger are much better. (I do understand that there are other supermarkets).

This is why all that lerve and angst is an awful waste of airtime, we need to hear more about the really important stuff. Would the village shop stock special stuff made locally or is it all cheapo UPF from the cash'n'carry?

John didn’t exactly seem heartbroken at the break-up. He just sounded very annoyed and inconvenienced. I’m now quite bemused at Paul’s description of his parent’s perfect marriage. They sound like house-mates who barely get on.

I think someone already suggested this - I'd enjoy John and Joy getting together, but not if the price we have to pay is the Alastair and Denise line continuing - maybe D will yet succumb to whatever she caught from the river water. Or from some rare but inevitably fatal zoonotic condition.

I'm not a fan of plain digestives except as a base for cheesecake. I think the amount of space and prominence they (don't) have on the average supermarket shelf indicates that the majority agree with me.

Whereas a plain hobnob is a legitimate biscuit choice (albeit not one I'd make).

@DeanElderberry I absolutely love a digestive with butter and cheese. It's a proper treat.

From the previous thread:

Didn't Paul die? Maybe I imagined it
Yes, but I think it was in AmEx rather than the main programme.

I'm reasonably sure it was the main programme. I still retain horrible memories of what felt like weeks of Lillian's snotty sobbing on anyone who would listen to her going on about it.

'oh, since you're passing, our marriage is over.'

😂😂 yes it was very odd, like she'd just remembered something she needed to tell him

The Bench Dismissal was odd but I guess we’re supposed to accept that they have grown apart over a long period, live as housemates for financial and logistical convenience and no longer have any strong emotional attachment to each other.

We know John is retired; I’m hoping he has a big fat pension so would be a proper catch for someone even after divorce.

I thought Denise suddenly realised that half the village know about her affair with Alastair and the other half are getting to know John and like lust him.
She had to tell him before someone else let it slip.

Plain digestive is great with cheese

just caught up reading synopsis. Bit odd that John decided not to visit his son because he’d just been dumped and expected Denise to tell him. Not sure that’s good parenting.

given Paul’s rose tinted glasses about his parents marriage I guess there’s going to be a big mess

That would be easier to accept if they hadn't just holidayed together shortly after he'd been nursing her well. If the conversation on the bench had happened before the accident, it would have been much more believable!

I think @Choccyp1g is right - Denise realised the village gossip network was on to her, and is going for pre-emptive disclosure. If that's the case, she'll have to tell Paul ASAP. He won't take it well.

I was under the impression that Denise had gone on holiday alone as Paul commented that she had made a friend whilst away 🤷‍♀️

Plain digestives are also good with a scraping of cream cheese and the tiniest dab of marmite ... though Nairns oatcakes are better.

I don't care a hoot what happens to Alistair, Denise or Paul. I'd just prefer all of it to happen off-air, as I find all three of them exceptionally tedious.

Blimey, the Markie resolution must have been fleeting, I’d missed that. Rather a damp squib of an ending, given poor Jolene being threatened with dire endings

Agree that John didn’t seem that bothered about Denise ending their marriage, beyond annoyance at a failed marriage. I should imagine he’d be rather tedious to be married to.

Maybe there will be some threats to Jolene nearer the trial date. If we even hear about the trial in any detail beyond ‘did you hear markie got 10 years?’

I didn't miss the Markie line, I heard it. But I missed that that was supposed to be the end of the story. I assume he's not currently in prison, he'll be awaiting trial (for a very long time if my recent experience is anything to go by), and you surely wouldn't keep someone in pre-trial detention for trading in stolen meat. So what's stopping him from continuing his campaign of terror? Other than it's not very kind, and it might make the courts take an even dimmer view of him, neither of which sound like they would really persuade someone like that.

What a damp squib of an ending!

I thought Harrison also said he was being charged with the dog attack?

perhaps the village fete will be more exciting than it currently sounds

Arf (as the dogs will say, as they demand their post-slaughter treats)! Maybe they'll wipe out half the village, leaving only the ones with the sense to keep away from the Fete-Worse-Than-Death.

I can't remember when it was to check, but my memory was that he said Markie wasn't being charged for the attack but at least they'd managed to get something on him so it was some kind of justice.

Oh ok. Good way to stop any involvement in a court case and let the SL die.

they’ve had some really bizarre stuff happen and bridgegate was a light in the dark. But now it’s starting to drag

Jacob’s Hovis digestives for me with cheese (or without), fancy they are slightly less sweet, slimmer and less crumbly than McVities (and that cute loaf shape). Oatcakes good too but fancy Sainsbury’s own slightly nicer than Nairns.

A relative used to work at Mcvities when I was young, and would occasionally get us a big box of reject (misshapen) Penguins. Oh the glory of gluttony.

But whatever the biscuits - nipping out of the shop mid purchase to end your marriage not good. Fancy being terminated in full Lycra - and full view of the village curtain twitchers, that is not cool Denise.

Yes Harrison said unfortunately they couldn’t bring charges against Markie for the dog attack. Agree all the “thank goodness it’s over” is a bit bizarre if he is only facing a sentence for meat theft. He might even end up with a suspended sentence since it’s not exactly the crime of century and prisons are overflowing at the moment. Then he can continue his nonsensical vendetta🙄

So where do John and Denise live?

also a bit of a bummer ending it when he’s halfway through a bike ride and still has to get home

Apart from that John how was your bike ride?