Archers thread #157: How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless clan! Discuss The Grundys here. Bicker about The Archers as well if you like.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed, and of course we are always delighted to welcome back former or occasional listeners/posters. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks to @OverArmour for the idea of making it clear in the title many of us are inveterate bickerers!

Now over to you, as we are about to eat and I won't hear tonight's offering till later ....

If I were Fallon and Emma, I would work exactly to rule. Bake whatever ridiculous things Tom wants, take up all the time, don't serve any customers because you're too busy with fulfilling the next command. Let the business fail under his crappy micromanagement and then walk away to the EV charging station.

I couldn't tell what Lynda was up to this evening. Was she just genuinely and innocently wanting to perform her stand up routine, or trying to undermine the whole project? It's a terrible idea for a Christmas production anyway (and, as always, planning has started far too late) but I can't see where the SL is going.

I suppose Fallon and Emma would have their professional reputation to keep up and wouldn't want to become known for disgusting cakes.

Most of the funerals I've been to, the presiding vicar has given the eulogy. It's only in very recent years that the family members have done the eulogy.

Hope you're all looking forward to the Farmers' Festive Frolics as much as I am

The only thing that could possibly save it is John Culshaw turning up.

Or, as suggested on TwiX, Brine in raconteur mode, perched on a barstool, sipping whisky and delivering a Dave Allen-esque routine.

Of course in an "ideal" world, the deceased would have been a regular church/chapel-goer, and the celebrant would know them very well. It all got more complicated when people started moving well away from home when they grew up.

I find the idea of the family doing the eulogy very "modern", along with wearing bright colours and talking about "celebrating the life" of the deceased.

I'm petrified at the thought of standing up in front of a load of people talking about my father. Though the older he gets, the fewer people it will be.I'm hoping to persuade DS2 to do it.

The ones I like have details like: 'she loved having people around, and she would always have a freshly baked caked ready for us and any friends we brought along. Her doors were open to all the waifs and strays from the neighbourhood, she was everyone's Aunty. But woe betide anyone who tried to visit between 7.02 and 7.15 every evening when The Archers was on! Oh, I like the ones which set out early career and so on, because the deceased has usually been a generation or two older than me, and this is part of their life I didn't know about. Now it's my generation kicking the bucket I may start to feel differently.

The "what they were really like" I've seen done well by a rotating slide show in the background at the wake.

@MereDintofPandiculation it just shows how different tastes are - I cannot stand the slideshow thing, at weddings or funerals! 😂

On names, @AskingQuestionsAllTheTime, I’m glad stifled laughter was the outcome in your case! It maddens me when something we basic as name is got wrong! (Sorry, bad grammar there I think)

It is better of course when the family know the celebrant, I agree with PP. Same as @Fink, the priests I have worked with (I too used to have professional involvement in the church, but for me it’s Anglican, for Fink, Catholic) have always made an effort to meet or at least speak to the family and understand a bit about the deceased, and conduct the service accordingly. Doesn’t always work of course. My (Irish, Catholic) granddad had known the priest who took his funeral mass for decades, and the bloody man barely mentioned my grandad, got some key facts wrong, espoused some bigoted notions not held by the deceased, and talked largely about himself. My grandmother was too baffled to be annoyed, it’s like he’d totally taken leave of himself. Perhaps a few too many drinks at the wake the evening before…

[/angry funeral ramble]

The Tom scenes were bizarre. I actually snarled at the phone when he said ‘big boss man’. Also I’m not sure ‘try kale croissants’ counts as a “recipe”.

It was good she put him in his place by making something with the ingredients he wanted to use but his suggestions were so ridiculous it was implausible

i’m not sure about empanadas - she didn’t seem to have the sauce with it (name escapes me)

It could be a good thing - feature dishes with the seasonal veg selling in the shop - maybe with the recipe card at the till for those who want to recreate at home. If I were Fallon o would be charging extra though - managing a cafe is not the same as being the chef. If she walked they would be up the creek

FFS. They are not “empañadas” (empanyadas). They are empanadas, pronounced as it is written.

It comes from “pan” meaning bread. It‘s just Spanish for “stuff wrapped up in carbohydrate”.

What I do NOT understand is why the world and his wife insist on saying “jalapeenos” when that DOES have a tilde (“ñ”) and should be “halapenyos”, yet the same people insert a random incorrect tilde into “empanada”.

I suppose I could be charitable and believe that the SWs knew it was being pronounced incorrectly, but decided it was the way that Fallon would probably say it. But Tom was at it too!

Grr.

I know Tom's a twat, but even at his most twattish he's not such a massive twat as he appeared this evening.

If I were Fallon, the first thing I would do one the big handover is demand a copy of the Grievance Policy and give it its first airing.

Can't wait to hear David and Ruth doing stand up.

And Tony and Pat's slapstick routine will be great on the wireless.

Remind me, has Fallon been paid off to give up her business or has she just done it for no reason? I fear it’s the latter.

If I were Fallon, I'd probably be tempted to review the methods of Sweeney Todd after Tom today.

Asking will give the details but my memory is that they've illegally terminated Fallon's lease and made her Manager. So she does all the work and the Brookfield Archers take the profit.

She was going to tell them to stuff it but Harrison persuaded her not to as he's gone part time and heaven forbid he should resume full time work rather than have his wife be humiliated.

sw have forgotten that she paid for kitchen equipment etc and should have sold it

Also, weren’t they putting skylights in? Surely the cafe will have to close while they do that and the refurb

@KingsleyBorder hopefully Lynda will be along soon. That should sort it right out!

FFS. They are not “empañadas” (empanyadas). They are empanadas, pronounced as it is written

EXACTLY THIS

I'm petrified at the thought of standing up in front of a load of people talking about my father. Though the older he gets, the fewer people it will be.I'm hoping to persuade DS2 to do it.

Muslim burials are ideal in contrast. My father was buried in January and it was the first Muslim funeral I had been to. Prayers by the graveside and as the coffin was lowered, more prayers, and no eulogy or chat. Nothing personal except a few lovely flowers. It was actually strangely comforting to have things follow such a set formula which has been followed for centuries with no frills or bells and whistles or concessions to modern life. I was really relieved not to have to write anything or entertain the crowds. All done and dusted in 20 mins. Dad was very practical so would have been quite happy with it.

I quite enjoyed Tom meddling with the menu. He has been watching too much Masterchef- can you imagine Monica and Marcus’ reactions to his suggestions…

Laugh? I thought I'd never start last night. It felt as though Tom - with his useless ideas - was an emblem for the SWs who have been coming up with such dire/hole-riddled plots of late. The worst episode for some time.

That was mentioned in the initial discussions over whether she'd take the job. Someone, probably Natasha, said they would buy the equipment from her. I assume that's what they've done, but who knows since it hasn't come up again.

When I suggested working to rule and making Tom's ridiculous ideas, I didn't imagine they'd become known for bad cakes because I wasn't envisaging that any of his stupid products would ever make it to the customer. They would make them, present them to him for a taste test, and he would see how rubbish they were. Then waste more time telling Fallon to tweak the recipe - like last night when he initially blamed the failure of the kale croissants on her recipe. And it could go on forever without ever having a product suitable to serve to the public. Meanwhile they could get on with serving up the cakes and scones and stuff they already do well. But lose customers because they don't have any time for them. Hopefully Fallon said no to the idea of performance-related pay and can happily take home a fixed salary regardless of the bosses' terrible management running the place into the ground. And then they'll be the ones with the expensive equipment to flog, maybe back to Fallon. And the sausage or veg box businesses will probably also suffer because of how much time Tom is wasting on disgusting vegetable concoctions. Or maybe there'll be a bust up between Tom and Natasha when she sees what he's up to.

The only thing that saved the episode was a lack of pip and the gg sl

the funeral script was painful. a lot of scenes have been unnecessary or unnecessarily long.

I wonder who the sw are writing for? There must be people out there who like it but it’s not for me atm so I’m clearly out of the target demographic

I don’t know anyone who is enjoying it at the moment. I know a lot of listeners IRL but a good number of those are giving up on it.

The tearoom is doomed anyway if Tom and Natasha are operating completely separately and Tom is behaving like someone who’s unacquainted with the entire concept of 'food'.

Re funerals…when my father died we were given a celebrant as part of the (non-religious) service and the fact that he didn’t know Dad always bothered me, even though he was quite engaging and did his best. So when my beloved DM died during (though not of) Covid and we got caught up in the whole nightmare of social distancing, small numbers at funerals, no gathering together afterwards etc, I knew I had to be the one to talk about her and her life. We’d already had a horrific experience with a totally incompetent funeral company and I was determined that at least one thing was going to go right amid the whole devastating experience.