Archers thread #148: Unseasonably, it's panto time in Ambridge. He's behind you, Pat! BANG. Discuss the Archers here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed, and of course we are always delighted to welcome back former or occasional listeners/posters. We don't all agree on all points, although we do mostly try to be civil about it. Most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you think George Grundy isn't a psychopath, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/4636789-the-archers-spoilers-thread-7-cant-wait-for-702pm-join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Will Rob return, or are they playing with us? Will Pat run amok with her shotgun and wipe out half the village? (We can but hope ...) Will Oliver come to his senses and turf the Grundy clan out of Grange Farm? So many questions, so much time.

Over to you!

I’m picturing something Dolly Parton glam. Did you notice they said they were about the same height and then Tracey said “but we’re different shapes!” which I took to mean Tracey is kind of straight up and down and Jolene has vast knockers.

I can't believe Jolene's ever had the money for couture, if that's even the right word. I'm picturing something she found in a little boutique somewhere, or maybe in Underwood's, and very possibly in a sale or remaindered.

I'm delighted to hear that Susan adds dressmaking to all her other talents. I never mastered threading up the sewing machine during my one difficult year of compulsory Needlework. I watch the Great British Sewing Bee with great enjoyment, unbridled admiration, and total incomprehension.

It won't be couture. Couture is hand-made and costs well into 4 figures.

It might be a good off-the-peg designer dress I suppose?

I have always hankered after Vivienne Westwood, but I don't think it'll be that ...

I wish I could remember Susan’s past seamstress-y triumphs …

I’ve now wasted a ridiculous amount of time trying to picture the gifted frock … What might Underwoods have stocked in its heyday? I’d imagine Jolene loves a bargain, but Kenton would urge her to immoderate extravagance. So maybe MaxMara, Zimmerman … I admit some of these are a little on the fanciful side - definitely she’d have bought in the sales!

Zimmermann …

Do you know what's less believable than an actual Eurovision presenter stopping off in Ambridge for several hours to judge the Dopeys' rendition of Edelweiß versus Jim's dramatic reading of The Odessey in Greek? I'll tell you: it's three people telling each other who Rylan is WITHOUT MENTIONING THE TEETH, not even once. Just a name drop for every BBC light entertainment show under the sun (and Big Brother). Utterly incredible.

I was waiting for them to mention the teeth.

Nope those are all too tasteful, even for "Jolene trying to be tasteful"

Also, they didn't mention his "manner"....

Jolene's dress will be from Phase Eight I reckon...

Didn't Lionel say something like 'and he's a bit ...'?

Leonard

Not Lionel.

I know, @NetZeroZealot , I know … (Unless S&B introduced her to the Bombshell dress …)

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g - I'm delighted to hear that Susan adds dressmaking to all her other talents. I never mastered threading up the sewing machine during my one difficult year of compulsory Needlework. I watch the Great British Sewing Bee with great enjoyment, unbridled admiration, and total incomprehension.

I think needlework classes were the most useful thing ever in the mid-60s, when my mother strongly disapproved of short skirts but couldn't stop me spending my pocket-money on offcuts in the market and running up my own on our ancient 2-ton Singer manual. My most memorable success was ... wait for it ... a double-breasted needlecord trouser suit. I'd probably still be sewing if I still had that machine. I've never been able to get along with the new-fangled electric ones that require you to read the manual.

I made most of my teenage wardrobe using my mum's 1953 electric Singer. I still have that machine and it still works although I also have a modern one.

It's the modern ones I can't be doing with. My rule of thumb is: never attempt to use any machine that requires reading the manual!

I thought it was Clarrie who was the noted seamstress (costumes for various Lynda Snell productions etc), I've never heard of Susan as anything other than an assistant.

I quite enjoy sewing, although I've mainly stuck to ecclesiastical vestments and not attempted anything complicated with pleats and tucks and whatnot. But, like Susan, I'm a busy woman. I just don't have the time for it! Who knows where Susan is going to magic up spare hours to do major clothing alterations on top of two jobs, keeping house, and regular babysitting. As well as time for special chilli nights with Neil. I've got a button waiting to be sewed back on for over a week.

If Susan is that good with her machine surely she could whip up a simple elegant number for Tracy ?

It's true, can't ever remember Soosan sewing (suits for sailors?!).

Oh yes in my head Tracey is slimish and not curvey. Jolene on the other hand is buxom and busty.

I'm entertaining myself thinking about where the people of Ambridge buy their clothes and what this dress is like. I think a phase eight number as a previous poster suggested is a fair guess, though there was the reference to "designer".

Having said that Tracey probably buys most of her clothes in Primark or Asda, she would probably think Next was a bit posh. Her idea of Designer could be John Rocha at Debenhams.

So maybe somewhere like Ted Baker or Karen Millen?

Who is the writer this week? The script is so laboured. Can’t get through an episode without nodding off. Going to skip the next few days.

I too am finding it very hard to imagine what could possibly be lurking in Joelene’s wardrobe that would be suitable for Tracey. She didn’t actually say what the ‘special birthday’ was but presumably it was her 60th.

I quite enjoy sewing, although I've mainly stuck to ecclesiastical vestments and not attempted anything complicated What a superb post. This is better than the actual script.

But so many people will think the Champions' League is about to kick-off!

Maybe it was a condition of booking him ...