Is that a ferret in your (Gr)undies or are you just pleased to see me? Discuss The Archers vermin (so many possibilities!) here.

[PseudoBadger]

I'm not sure that ferrets cannot through a thumb sized hole - rats can, and mice can fit through a pen sized hole. But I know the SWs will have researched such a statement carefully

Just listened to yesterday's. Rob just makes me rage and Helen's little better in her treatment of Henry. Making him apologise to Rob was cringe-worthy - and he's being turned off football which won't do him much good at the local school. But we have yet to have the battle about private education which is bound to come if Rob's in their life for much longer.

As for using Tom to manipulate her into not working, well that's appalling.

I've just caught up. Blimey, Rob is so manipulative. It's so uncomfortable to listen to. I've just read the summary of what has happened to Helen in the past. Poor woman! Is she strong enough to realise Rob is an emotional abuser?

Interesting thread discussion on the background to Shula. V illuminating. This is a very useful thread!

I noticed that Knob was yet again using food to manipulate Henry and Helen with the fuss about the cereal/croissant - he couldn't resist the opportunity to make Helen feel she was a bad mother for letting Henry know that there were croissants available, ffs. When my children have breakfast they know if there are anything like rolls or croissants on offer because they're on the table, on what planet is it bad parenting not to hide them away?

Thanks Gaspode. Have been so busy waiting for Knob to spill the beans I had forgotten it was Hellin who caught them in the first place.

I agree with whoever said that food seems to be a big battle point, poor Henry not getting his croissant.

They said a week to 10 days for the DNA results, I think we can rely on Jess to turn up jubilant if it is Robs.

I agree Wips. I think she'll be straight round with Knob junior who will doubtless be the image of Knob.

Wonder whether Tom bought Rob's story. Hope not - or at least, even if he believes that she is more 'fragile' at home with Rob than she is at the farm or shop, he'll have the nous to realise where the problem is.

I gave up the Archers last year, but caught a recent episode on a long car journey. It made me wonder if they could get Jeremy Clarkson on as a guest star, and he could punch Kenton.

Another for whoever invented Knob - it makes me every time I see it.

Indrid - - and then follow up with fisticuffs with Rob, though he might swing the first punch.

Are we supposed to just assume that Adam has told Ian that Charlie is gay, or is it just taken as read that all gay men have infallible gaydar? Of course Helen didn't react to Ian by saying "what makes you think Charlie is gay?" because she knew from having witnessed The Kiss, but I'd have thought she'd have pretended to find the idea a surprise given Charlie is not out. The whole thing was like we'd missed a crucial conversation somewhere. Helen's babbling abiut rough patches was so frustrating, poor old Ian wanted her in depth observations on how Adam and Ian seemed around each other and she gave him a lot of flannel. Ian needs to ask Lilian for her opinion. I can understand why Helen disn't want to tell Ian about The Kiss but if I were Helen I'd tell Adam that Ian was worried and warn him tjat he had better bloody not be still carrying on with Charlie.

I can't bear listening to Knob please can we have his cumuppance soon. I am sure Tom will ask Helen about baby plans. I hope she puts him right. We need Kirsty.

My guess is that Tom will not want to even think about his sister's sex life and, as a single man, will keep any conversation about conception fairly short so, no, I don't think it will cross his mind to do other than what Rob wants.

I guess Knob isn't really aware of what Helen is feeling, is he? Her voice was seething with fury and he seemed oblivious until she told him off!

Pity he managed to make it about him "I depend on you being here (chained to the sink and totally subservient to me) and so does Henry"

I just cannot understand what he means by 'I wouldn't cope without you'. She wouldn't be scaling the north face!! Can neither of them hear how pathetic it sounds?

Well I was wrong about Tom but Rob looks like he's talked her round again anyway.

How happy and secure can your home life be when your partner's compelled to take a paternity test?

I have a horrible feeling that Knob will get the all clear on the pat test. H will feel guilty that she had an inkling of doubt and convince herself that he always knows best thereafter.

I was baffled when Helen said about telling Tom thye were trying for a baby and Rob said something like "well, aren't we?" Are they or aren't they?

I thought she'd actually grown a backbone there for a minute. For god's sake, Helen, listen to yourself! I don't think this is EA, she deserves everything she gets.

Hakluyt - Knob suggested it a while ago. Helen said no, on the grounds of her dad being so ill, but this sounded like an excuse; like she was trying to buy time rather than actually worrying about Tony. There's been no further discussion until Knob's psycho chat with Tom.

He has mentioned it a few times in the context of - you might as well stay at home as you will need to be at home when we have OUR baby

I wonder if the Knobster knows fine he annoyed Hell over the mention of TTC to Tom. But crucially he does not care as it's all part of this control plan. This is all going to kick off in next few weeks.

I am away form Wednesday for 3 weeks. I have dug out my secret stash of cassettes so DH can tape crucial episodes for me. I will be web-free when away.

On a more cheerful note, I don't know if they pre-recorded the Robert and Jim pieces, but they were spot on with the swallow sightings - we glimpsed one yesterday and lots today. And yesterday I was delighted to see my first Mediterranean gulls! However, I've not yet heard a chiffchaff (but then, I'm further North).

Knob is the father of Jess's baby. Hellin is like the woman I read about in the paper this morning whose husband told he was under police protection and had to move out to a safe house when in fact he was a bigamist who had moved in with another woman. She can't see anything is wrong because she doesn't want to see it and even if anyone tried to tell her (as Pat did once over the paternity issue) she would refuse to listen. She is completely incapable of seeing what a knob Knob is - totally blinded by love. She has had the occasional moment of doubt but is always talked round by him. I imagine whatever the result of the DNA test he will just spin her a line and she will believe him. (Rather like the bigamist's other wife who is standing by him though he is going to prison). We need Jess with Knob junior (in Knob's image) to make her see sense - possibly accompanied by Ursula to reveal that he has form for this sort of thing.

I've just twigged what this is reminding me of - Helen is starting to see the cracks in Rob's facade, and may be seeing herself as the strong one needing to look after him - cue Nancy in Oliver singing the sadly delusional 'So long as he needs me....'.