To sell because of noisy neighbours

[Lilmisspeacekeeper]

I'm feeling really sad about my situation. I didn't know whether to post in this section because it's about my house, the relationship section because of affects my relationship with my neighbour or mental health because it also affects my mental health.

Here goes:

I don't know what to do....

My neighbours have become increasingly noisy as the children are getting older. I live in a semi detached where the neighbours stairs run along our party wall. When the childrens friends are round they run around the house like it's a play park, thundering down the stairs, i can hear them running in their bedrooms and slamming doors, the children are roughly 9 and 5 years old.

This happens when I'm quietly trying to watch TV, it happened yesterday 3.30pm to 5.30pm. It happened on Friday 3.30pm to around 5.30pm. It happens at least a couple times a week.

My husband sleeps on the other side of the house at this time with ear plugs in and can hear them!

Its been slowly ramping up for a few years, and has now got to unbearable levels. I have a right to live in a safe and secure environment, so why do i feel anxious, scared, frustrated, hateful and In that moment I want to die because I have no control.

I've spoken to my neighbour before regarding noise, the first time her extremely old washing machine was butted up against the party wall and I was awoken at 3am by what sounded like a chinook landing in my bedroom, it was her washing machine! I went round later that morning and explained the noise had woken me up and could she refrain from using her washing machine at that time of night. She was apologetic and never washed at that time again, she bought a new washing machine and has since relocated it so I now hear nothing from her washing machine.

The second time was about the stair noise, her teenage step son was chasing the children through the house and upstairs and in doing so he was banging and stomping up the stairs acting like like a scary monster, so the noise was horrendous, imagine elephants running up and down stairs and bowling balls being thrown down the stairs, and the noise is so sudden so it scares me, my anxiety kicks in, i go light headed and i want to vomit, again we were sitting watching a film and the noise was so bad we had to stop the film. I then thought to write her a letter asking politely to consider we were watching a movie and the noise was so bad we were unable to do so, could they please step lightly. I thought it was a light hearted letter and she would've told her children not to run on the stairs like that, but she ended up on my doorstep nearly in tears, I didn't know what to say to her! I explained that the noise was intolerable on my side, she said she was stressed because she'd lost her dog a day earlier, i felt bad because I didn't know this. We then proceeded to discuss the noise and get it out in the open.

But if anything it's getting worse.

We can't afford sound proofing as we have a chimney breast there that needs removing and there's not always success in sounds proofing.

Is my last resort to have another chat with her about the noise?

I was very tearful last night and can't cope with much more, I've had 2 major operations this year and my mental health is fragile.

Do i go into rented and sell the house?

Do i need to disclose my conversations with my neighbour regarding noise when I sell.

What would you do? What should I do?

Please give me some advice.

In all honesty, kids and teenagers making noise during the day is normal.
After 9pm and before 7am it needs to be quiet, and outside these hours not excessive.
But kids run around, it’s not their fault you are so sensitive to noise.
Time to move to a detached house!

It’s a house problem rather than a neighbours one I think. You can sell and just say theres poor noise insulation. They aren’t bad neighbours.
Realistically you have 10- 15 years before the kids leave home. Or the whole family might go and you might get someone else.
So noise insulation or move I think but be proactive. Nothing will change without a change will it.
Also I understand the problem.Noise is so intrusive.

You need to move to a detached house.

I've experienced noise from kids in self-catering holiday cottages and it reminded me of how awful it can be.

However.... your reactions seem rather extreme- the anxiety, light headedness , feeling sick etc. That's not a normal reaction to noisy neighbours.
This is far more than just getting annoyed about noise.

And children playing between 3-5pm is normal. No doubt they are back from school and letting off steam.

No, you don't need to declare anything when you sell. Your neighbours have tried to accommodate your needs after you spoke to them but they can't keep children quiet all day long.

Yeah you can’t stipulate that children cannot run around their own home in the afternoon! That’s wildly unreasonable! Why is your husband sleeping during the day, does he work nights?

Also, you say you’ve a right to live in a safe, secure environment- which I don’t dispute at all but I’m confused as to what you’re classing as ‘unsafe’ and not ‘secure’ about children loudly playing in their home for 2 hours??

You sell, you move to detached or something with very good aound insulation.
I will be honest, it does sound like opposite causation you have there "because it also affects my mental health." i think it's yourMH that makes you overeact to few hours of noise a week. Sorry.

As pp says, just sell, maube mention insulation issue. I don't think this sounds like anything reportable tbh. Just standard common shite build

This. You’re describing relatively normal household noise imo, although I do understand that you’re struggling with it. Selling does seem like your best option, and looking at detached properties, but only if you could buy, I think. I’m afraid that if you looked at rented properties, you’d both be losing your housing security and you’d certainly be taking a huge gamble on the noise levels of your neighbours. Instead of children playing for a couple of hours of an afternoon, you could get people who party, drink/use drugs, shout and scream into the wee hours multiple times a week. I know what I’d rather 😅

I think this is a you problem and the only option is to move. I say this kindly as somebody who is also very noise sensitive. I had my neighbours knock and ask DS to stop playing loudly on his computer - it’s was midday on a Saturday and they were a childless couple in their 50s who moaned had fallen out with the previous owners over their small kids. You live in a house with shared walls which you cannot tolerate so move for your own sanity.

You’ve said nothing to indicate it’s not a safe secure environment. Unless you’re about to drip feed you’re worried about all the chaotic parties some drug dealers have a few doors down and they keep banging on your door. 🤣

But you do sound like you’ve got severe mental health issues, I think try to move to a detached and seek help from GP.

It will be the house structure unfortunately. How okd is it?

I would move. If they lived next door to another family with kids charging about neither of them would likely care. It sounds like you live a much quieter life than them
so the mismatch is an understandable problem.

I don’t think either you or your neighbours are in the wrong. You just aren’t compatible. You need to move to a detached property as you are sensitive to noise.

This. Your anxiety is not their problem.

You are describing normal healthy family noise, children having fun in their own home. They are letting off steam after school, not waking you at 3am. It's completely natural so you won't stop it, and you have at least thirteen years before they leave home, unless they all move.

You need a detached home, and some help with your anxiety.

I completely agree with the PP's, this is a you problem, reacting unreasonably to what are generally perfectly normal noises.
You have to accept some inconveniences with any attached housing and washing machine accepted, none of what you say is worthy of your (over) reaction.
I am afraid your only solution is to move into a detached house.

Having owned 30's, 50's & 70's semis, none were brilliantly soundproof down the party wall and while the 50's was the best, I think the type of noise you are describing would still be noticeable hence why I think you should bite the bullet and look at detached living.

I’m curious if your neighbour can hear noise from your house?
it may be worth having your neighbour spend 2 hours in your house so they can hear the noise first hand (when their kids are at home). I have think you need to look at sound proofing options, that would be cheaper than moving.

This is not normal! I never let my kids charge up and down the stairs, because I had more consideration for my neighbours. That’s not to say that they were saints but I certainly reminded them often when they got over excited and the noise level rose.

You want to die because you have no control ? I can see this might be annoying but you are massively overeacting.

As others have said, this is normal noise, at sensible times, so a complaint wouldn't be appropriate. In view of your fragile mental health and how much this is affecting you, I agree that a move would be best. You need a detached property in a quiet area.

Good luck with it all - I hope you find some peace!

Yes agree this is normal noise but sympathise with it being annoying. It sounds like you are hyper sensitive to sound as well (I hate the term unreasonable - it’s not like you have any choice about it!)
I am but not to that degree as I can put in noise cancelling headphones and carry on with things to a large degree - but also my MH is far better nowadays.
that said, there is a neighbour who’s dog barks in the garden for hours and it cuts through my headphones even at night with the window closed and at one point we had students behind us that partied most nights (worse - they’d pre drink, go clubbing then come back at 2 am and get on the coke - was very stressful - in the end they were evicted).
so I understand how much it can spike your anxiety.
if you can move to a detached place then do it. If not, is there any way you can be out of the house between 3-6 (are you WFH?) doing some kind of hobby?
if you don’t already have them I’d highly recommend getting the best noise cancelling headphones or earbuds you can afford (Apple earbuds have changed my life frankly) and stick something calming and ambient on when you feel your anxiety start to rise.

I hate being disturbed by noise but honestly this post comes across as pretty ridiculous. I thought it was going to be about neighbours playing music all day or night.

How thin are the walls - is it a new build?

Kids going up and down the stairs is hardly a crime. And the fact she moved the washing machine and hasn’t put it on again in the night makes them sound pretty reasonable.

Your reactions aren’t normal. We used to have noisy neighbours at uni and occasionally our back neighbours now who have teens will have a party but I don’t feel more than irritated or tired. Feeling sick and like you want to die? I think you need to see a GP.

You are having a huge overreaction to normal household noise . And in daylight hours . I do understand that once you let it bother you , it's always in your mind and you are nearly waiting for the next noise .
Unless you can afford to move to a detached house in an isolated area , you need to find ways to cope with your anxiety. I suggest a GP visit to tell him how you are feeling. You can do more practical things like wearing earplugs if you feel you need them .

I think you should move somewhere quieter.
It doesn't sound like they are a problem family. It just sounds like it's a poorly insulated house.
I used to live in a semi detached where you could hear the neighbours fart. I got grief any time I put any music on.

If you really need more peace and quiet then you aren't going to be happy living next to a young family in a poorly insulated semi.
You've had a lot on and it's a tricky situation.

As PP have said, unfortunately terraced or semi detached houses can be noisy if poorly insulated. The noises are honestly them living normally, you can get amplified sound often so it sems worse to you. I have sound insulated my home on the side of the noisy neighbours as it was bothering me. You need a professional firm to advise what can be done. This may cost less than moving?
But I'd also try to find out why this is making you so unwell. I can sympathise as noise is really awful to put up with but can you also try to work out why it's making you have tvis reaction

Its all very well people saying move to a detached house- some people can not afford to do this! My previous property was detached and the neighbours still drove me insane so its not necessarily something that will solve the issue anyway. I think some of this is your own issue and I say this as someone who has a complicated history of bad mental health. You will be more affected by certain things that others would be able to brush off so I think the only option is to move and hope that your next neighbour is a bit more considerate. I moved to the middle of nowhere to get away from neighbours as I just couldnt cope living around selfish and inconsiderate people but I appreciate this may not be an option for others.

You mention her children aged 9 and 5, but also a teenage step son.
Is he there all the time?

Also- are you not working and therefore home all day?

You see, many people would be working from 3-5-ish.
Is your husband unwell or working shifts if he sleeps during the day?

As others have said, do you have an existing anxiety issue regardless of this noise?

The second time was about the stair noise, her teenage step son was chasing the children through the house and upstairs and in doing so he was banging and stomping up the stairs acting like like a scary monster, so the noise was horrendous, imagine elephants running up and down stairs and bowling balls being thrown down the stairs, and the noise is so sudden so it scares me, my anxiety kicks in, i go light headed and i want to vomit, again we were sitting watching a film and the noise was so bad we had to stop the film.

This was inconsiderate when they know there are (elderly?) neighbours next door. As a one-off I'd have ignored it. But if it kept happening I'd need to speak to them.

However, most people would be angry, not feeling sick.

Thank you for all your messages, insight and feedback.

Yes I do understand that it's more so a me problem. I do have complex ptsd caused by a childhood that featured violence and domestic abuse, so the noises i hear are triggering my flight and flight. Its an involuntary reaction that I have no control over, that's why I'm so sad, I wish I were different and not so damn sensitive to noise!

I know it's just children playing, but they're so noisy! It's definitely poor insulation and the way the houses were built which I know logically it's not their fault.

But I also believe that consideration should be given to the neighbour you have an attached wall with.

Can she not teach her children to walk up and down stairs? I say this as someone who has children (grown up now) one of them has an autistic spectrum disorder and was and still is very challenging, and when raising my children i was always very mindful to my neighbours.

I've had many years being disabled by endometriosis, complex ptsd, depression and anxiety, life has been hard, for 14 years we lived next to an older lady who made no noise so I wasn't aware of neighbour noise, but our new neighbours have been there for 9 years and the noise is getting worse with every passing year. i know next year will be even worse than this year. And it's happening more and more, which of course its going to because they're getting older.

My husband sleeps because he has a laborus job and needs a nap!

So I will be selling my house and hopefully find quieter pastures.