To sell because of noisy neighbours

[Lilmisspeacekeeper]

I'm feeling really sad about my situation. I didn't know whether to post in this section because it's about my house, the relationship section because of affects my relationship with my neighbour or mental health because it also affects my mental health.

Here goes:

I don't know what to do....

My neighbours have become increasingly noisy as the children are getting older. I live in a semi detached where the neighbours stairs run along our party wall. When the childrens friends are round they run around the house like it's a play park, thundering down the stairs, i can hear them running in their bedrooms and slamming doors, the children are roughly 9 and 5 years old.

This happens when I'm quietly trying to watch TV, it happened yesterday 3.30pm to 5.30pm. It happened on Friday 3.30pm to around 5.30pm. It happens at least a couple times a week.

My husband sleeps on the other side of the house at this time with ear plugs in and can hear them!

Its been slowly ramping up for a few years, and has now got to unbearable levels. I have a right to live in a safe and secure environment, so why do i feel anxious, scared, frustrated, hateful and In that moment I want to die because I have no control.

I've spoken to my neighbour before regarding noise, the first time her extremely old washing machine was butted up against the party wall and I was awoken at 3am by what sounded like a chinook landing in my bedroom, it was her washing machine! I went round later that morning and explained the noise had woken me up and could she refrain from using her washing machine at that time of night. She was apologetic and never washed at that time again, she bought a new washing machine and has since relocated it so I now hear nothing from her washing machine.

The second time was about the stair noise, her teenage step son was chasing the children through the house and upstairs and in doing so he was banging and stomping up the stairs acting like like a scary monster, so the noise was horrendous, imagine elephants running up and down stairs and bowling balls being thrown down the stairs, and the noise is so sudden so it scares me, my anxiety kicks in, i go light headed and i want to vomit, again we were sitting watching a film and the noise was so bad we had to stop the film. I then thought to write her a letter asking politely to consider we were watching a movie and the noise was so bad we were unable to do so, could they please step lightly. I thought it was a light hearted letter and she would've told her children not to run on the stairs like that, but she ended up on my doorstep nearly in tears, I didn't know what to say to her! I explained that the noise was intolerable on my side, she said she was stressed because she'd lost her dog a day earlier, i felt bad because I didn't know this. We then proceeded to discuss the noise and get it out in the open.

But if anything it's getting worse.

We can't afford sound proofing as we have a chimney breast there that needs removing and there's not always success in sounds proofing.

Is my last resort to have another chat with her about the noise?

I was very tearful last night and can't cope with much more, I've had 2 major operations this year and my mental health is fragile.

Do i go into rented and sell the house?

Do i need to disclose my conversations with my neighbour regarding noise when I sell.

What would you do? What should I do?

Please give me some advice.

your neighbour seems to have addressed the noise that was unreasonable and took place in the middle of the night my moving their W/M.

can you afford a detached house and all the costs associated with moving?

would it make more sense to spend that money on sound insulation?

tbh I think noise between 3-5pm is something you need to try and work around.

wanting to vomit because you can hear someone playing and stomping indicates that you have severe anxiety. You need to address that in order to improve your quality of life. I fear moving is not the answer.

You could try soundproofing- it works best if both sides do it. Could you add the cost to your mortgage? Get a loan?

It would bother me too, I don't think it's just you who would find it difficult.

Honestly OP, I think you need to get some sort of therapy to find healthier ways of coping with noise.

It's not your fault, but you are the one suffering so need to find a way to help yourself. It's also not fair that you are reducing your neighbour to tears solely due to what sounds like very normal family noise, in the middle of the day. In some ways your lucky she reacted how you did - another neighbour could have told you to fuck off and started deliberately being louder in response.

Unless you are lucky enough to be able to afford a detached house in the middle of nowhere, you might have exactly the same issues or worse in the next place you buy. Even if you think it's an elderly couple, they could move out next month and be replaced by another family. Even with a detached house or much thicker walls you could get neighbours with a constantly barking dog or who play music in their garden late at night or have screaming rows.

We lived in a detached house for 25 years. In the last 2 years of that we got new neighbours who were horrendous. Their children played football in the front garden and screamed so loud I could hear it inside with the windows closed. We couldn't use our garden because of the noise. We moved because of them.

You can never be sure that there won't be noise. We moved to the middle of nowhere. Our next door neighbour one side is obsessed with using his digger and dumper truck. It's his hobby... On the other side but pretty far away is a big holiday let with over an acre of garden but we get huge parties with sound systems and DJ's sometimes.

Hell truly is other people.

Ask her to come round and listen to it

It's annoying. I know ppl are saying that kids will be noisy and that is true. But some families are annoyingly noisy.

Was out for a,walk the other week and a man kept yelling at his son. In a sort of jokey way, but so loudly. It kept making me jump and gave me the rage.

Actually, something occurs to me, have you heard of somatic therapy? (I dont really know what it Involves or why it works)ask because myself and son have strong adrenaline response to sudden noise (mixture of ASD and shouting/domestic violence from our respective fathers). I have mostly managed it as previously described but my son did the somatic stuff and said it was really useful for dealing with the sudden noises in his flats amongst other things. I keep thinking I should give it a go but I’m generally managing things pretty well at the moment. Anyway, just something to consider. Maybe others will have some input about it.

I do see a psychodynamic therapist and a lot of ugly stuff is coming up, i keep asking him how do i calm myself, how do i manage my overwhelm, he said that because it's a subconscious reaction that I'm getting to the noise, my body reacts as if the noise is danger, he advised to sit with the feeling and acknowledge that I'm not in danger. I don't think many people understand how loud the noise is. It sounds like elephants running up and down the stairs and then tap dancing on the bedroom floor whilst you're sat underneath it on the sofa, it's so invasive and sudden. It is down to poor layout of the houses, poor insulation, none of which is my neighbours fault. However I do still think she should teach her children to not run and play on the stairs! I think my only option is to move. I will ask about the somatic therapy.

What you’ve described is pretty much what son described. Sounds like you have a decent therapist. It usually gets worse before it gets better but glad you’re facing it. It’s not for the faint hearted.

I saw my therapist today and told him I feel like things are getting worse for me emotionally, he said that's how he knows therapy is working. He is a good therapist, just wish he could wave a magic wand and make me normal (whatever that is!)

This is whats happened to me. 18 months ago i downsized with my older children. To say the noise is utter torture from next door is an understatement. They are a couple in theor late 30s and have a 4 year old that screams night and day. In her defence i think they ignore her a lot and she might be trying to get their attention/reakised the only way to is scream.

They dont work and dont seem to leave the house. I find it very upsetting and i will move as soon as im able. I agree with other posters I need to live somewhere much quieter than this. I feel sorry for you OP.

Sending you love OP it sounds like you have been struggling but taking steps to address it x