Will we regret being too practical with our forever home?

[Alwaystierd]

My husband and I are 44 and 42, and because of his career we’ve never really had the opportunity to settle into a proper “forever” home. We’ve moved around and, for a long time, have talked about eventually finding somewhere that feels like the one.
Recently, we found what we thought was our dream house. It was £925k, in the perfect location, with the road and garden we really wanted. The downside was that it needed a huge amount of work — around £450k, and potentially more once we got into it.

We ended up missing out on the house. I was genuinely upset initially, because it felt like we had lost our chance at the home we’d always imagined. But, with a bit of distance, we actually felt quite relieved. The numbers were pretty scary.

We have now found another house and have had an offer accepted. It’s £200k less than the first house, but it will still need around £450k of work, if not more. So it’s not exactly the “cheap and easy” option!

The compromise is mainly the location/road and the size of the garden. The house itself doesn’t bother me too much because we will essentially be replacing everything inside anyway, so we can make it exactly how we want it.

We also have a child in private school, which costs us around £25k a year. In some ways, I think of that as already being the equivalent of another mortgage payment, and it’s a significant ongoing commitment.

On paper, the second house makes much more sense. We’re spending £200k less on the purchase price and hopefully putting ourselves in a much more comfortable financial position. We’re also at an age where I’m conscious that we shouldn’t overstretch ourselves just to have the “perfect” house.
But I keep wondering whether we are being too practical. Are we going to spend the next 10–20 years looking at the garden and thinking, “I wish we’d bought the other one”? Will we regret compromising on the road and outdoor space when this is potentially the house we stay in for the rest of our lives?

I don’t know the answer but I get your point. Currently having a big renovation done on our house (not in your league financially but big for us!). It’s expensive and a huge disruption and we are only doing it so we will never have to move. There is therefore a weird sense of what we will never have (ie, anything we aren’t getting done now!).

There is some weird part of me that looks at our new bedroom and thinks “I will probably die in here”. Bit morbid but there you are.

I’m the same… maybe not imagining dying the bedroom. But imagining my daughter come stay with the grandchildren (she’s 12 so it’s a long way off!)

My Husband is the risk taker… I’m an accountant who looks after cost so am natuarally very prudent.

This convo has only really come up because we are hearing rumours the £925k house sale has made little progress in 4 months and may come back on the market

Well, I think you'll never truly know and you'll regret either way, even if just a bit. Choose a practical option and you'll regret how it could be in your dream house; choose a dream house and you'll regret how it could be shall the house be more practical!
As someone who is terrible at making choices, I often imagine I picked one option over the other and ask myself how do I feel about that. If my thoughts immediately go to "Nononononono should have picked the other one!!", then I get my answer. You can try listing the pros and cons of each option as if you already picked it and compare the lists. If you have plans of both these houses, you can upload them to space visualizing apps (like this one or similar tools), add all the changes you're planning to make and have a virtual walk through both of them. Same with the garden, there are garden planners where you can build a model of the garden and see whether you'll be able to have an actual garden in your "practical" home and how it would look in your "dream" home.
Since you're renovating the house anyway, I'd probably go after the dream one since it has bigger outdoor space. You say you're at the age where you shouldn't be bothered about the house being perfect but the next 10-20 years is also a long time and you don't want to spend it thinking what could have been!

Hi OP, perhaps neither are the right house for you.
If you are unsure about this one, don't do it. Wait and view more.

Re House 1: you have your figure of £450k for renovations, where has that come from and what do you NEED to do and what do you WANT to do?

If you are prepared to spend £1,375 000 on a house coukd you look at properties in that price bracket that don't require any work?

The numbers will only make sense in your specifuc financial context, I can't comment on that. We were v practical in choosing our forever home. We had a list of requirements re the number of bathrooms, bedrooms/office space, we wanted a 30s build with the original footprint intact, driveway, good garden, in a neighbourhood that was quiet and where the neighbours take care of their property, and close enough to sordid amenities. We looked at about 30 to 40 houses, ticking off on a spreadsheet after each one. We were v surprised that the house that came top was one that didn't have any initial wow or appeal for us, but we put in our offer for our unexciting home. Moving in day was bliss and we're thrilled to live here and have genuine friendships with many neighbours and are very friendly terms with the rest. Be practical when choosing a home!

This. I don't understand why you @Alwaystierd keep picking houses that need so much work. I would buy a smaller house in a good condition/location and stop worrying about potential future grandchildren that may never actually materialise.

I’d go for house number 1 and maybe slow down on renovations. The road and garden you really want trumps it and you may get it for less.

Just how big is the garden and why do you want a large garden? They are quite a bit of work so it’s a commitment even if your health declines.

Location is a major major factor in any house purchase. If the cheaper house is on a busy road or next to a garage or something, think again.

and do you really want to do £450k of building work with all the risks that entails? Do you have the time to project manage it and the financial cushion if the builder goes broke or things go badly wrong?

No house needs that number spending on it. Sounds like it would be a nightmare to live in.

find somewhere else op and spend 1.1 mil to get what you want. Location is everything.

For me it would come down to how much leverage is involved. If it’s mainly cash you are using then just go with your gut.
if you are going to have to mortgage high to do all this I’d reset. No “forever home” if that’s even a thing is worth the financial burden of a high unpredictable mortgage for decades when you are already in your 40’s.

Don't buy a house because you think its going to be filled with visiting grandchildren. You may be in for a disappointment

House No1 isn't available, so it's a bit of a pointless debate.
Plus you're in your early 40's so it's a bit silly to think you will never move. Your circumstances could change.
Buy the house that suits you now. It doesn't have to be perfect, few houses are.

Especially as the op child is still at school. Statistically She's 20 years plus off having a grandchild.

I am looking at buying a bigger home currently and have viewed quite a few. I have a list of criteria and have them arranged in priority, need, want, columns on a spreadsheet. The key priority for me is the location/ plot - it’s one of the key parts of a property that you cannot change!

I think if you can, compromise on size of the property if it means you can extend but have the location and garden you want.

FWIW, something about the way you wrote this convinced me that you would be happier with the smaller house. You can still make it lovely and will relish the easier financial position. And you will find it easier to grow old in so long as you fit in a downstairs shower room at some point.

As long as the garden was still a normal size I wouldnt worry to much about size. It just becomes a job to maintain. You need enough to look pretty and sit in.

The location/road would bother me more. What dont you like about that. You cant change that by throwing money at clever planing or pretty wallpaper.

If you need access to sordid amenities, you must indeed prioritise it 😉

I can’t comment on the financials as we don’t have enough info to know what’s affordable for you.

However if you have a feeling of regret and negativity towards the second house already, I wouldn’t buy it. It’s meant to be an exciting and positive side, certainly with an element of ‘what have we done’ at times, but coming from a positive place. If you already feel flat about it, don’t buy it.

You will never be able to change the road. The garden you can improve but it is unlikely to get bigger or less overlooked. If you can’t get over these things I’d walk away.

A busy road is only ever going to get busier. When we bought our house 15 years ago our road was busy-ish but ok. It's restricted weight so only car traffic and was only really noticeable at peak times. Now we frequently have traffic queueing outside and getting out the driveway relies on someone letting you out during commuting times.

I agree with the last poster. You’re still wistful about House No1 simply because House No2 isn’t right for you. That doesn’t make first house right either - but if you’re the sensible one - ie, can usually move forward with pragmatism but can’t in this case - perhaps your pragmatic heart is telling you that the downsides of road and or garden will mean you’re going to be making another move sooner than you’d both prefer. Is the road busy? Have unattractive features? I would not buy on a busy road, full stop. Can you keep looking? What is your selling position?

how funny!!! Yes, the things we get up to!

"The compromise is mainly the location/road and the size of the garden. The house itself doesn't bother me too much because we will essentially be replacing everything inside anyway, so we can make it exactly how we want it"

But you could then spend the £450k+ on the house, get it just as you want it... and still be in the wrong location with the wrong size garden.

Me and my husband are not on the same page - I would live in our flat and reduce my hours. He wants the big renovation, a house that is exactly what he wants. Spending close to £1.2m makes no sense to me… we should look at houses that are done up. But these houses are always huge! We want a smaller house on a nicer street.

I think it comes down to how long do we wait for the perfect home?

the renovation will land on me, my husband has to physically go to worker everyday where as I WFH. It’s going to be a nightmare!